BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CF Accomplishments

I loved reading your list Deborah. All these amazing things that you wouldn't have done if you'd been a parent. And all the people/creatures who have benefitted by you not being a parent - your sister in her business, the little girl in Tanzanie, the bear, I know your mother gets to travel etc.



That's a real compliment. People really relax in our house too. More and more as I get older and the world gets crazier, I need my house to be a haven. Isn't it lovely when guests really enjoy your space?



This is a really important one for me. In the last month both my parents have had health issues, as you know my close friend had a stillborn baby, and now I have found out my sister is having a marriage crisis. All of these people can do with my energy, time and support right now. It feels so good being able to give it. With kids there would be no way.

Gee, thanks Julie. That would be way cool. I know I have to go to Nashville later this year (believe it or not!) which is not really much help. If I ever get to Pittsburgh, I will definitely take you up on the offer. Secretly I'm dying to meet you all. I wish we could have one big gathering! If anyone comes to NZ, I'm seriously up for a good chat and a laugh over a drink!

Hi Alison. Thanks for your lovely words. I am so not a superwoman. Actually when I wrote that list, I became amazed at what I had packed into a decade. I was really energised and determined. I'm glad I did all that. But now I am quiet and often tired. I seem to crave lots of peaceful time at home, and I resent working long hours. When I read magazine stories about these women who do all of what I've done and more AND raised three happy looking children, well, it just makes me feel really perplexed. I have learned though that people have different personalities and needs and are on different journeys. In the Jung Typology test online I am always INFJ. I need a lot of time to myself to regenerate from everything I absorb.

Thanks Feebee - I forgot to mention teaching and mentoring...I really enjoy watching my younger colleagues and others develop and succeed - again, doubt I'd have the time and energy to take on these roles, as well as a full time job, if I had children.
Also, taking chances - the decision to start my own practice...easier decision when you don't have to consider the needs of children.
I work with a few "superwomen"...they seem to have the lot BUT, many struggle with never-ending fatigue, guilt and anxiety. It seems to me that many spend their whole lives, "keeping all the balls in the air"....they can't just stop and relax.
One of my colleagues gets up at 5am so she has time to herself before the day starts...she is always fighting off colds and seems to radiate anxiety...
The difference - her male counterparts just work - albeit long hours - they have (in the main) SAHW's who take on responsibility for the children and home. HUGE DIFFERENCE...these women often, have to handle their senior jobs, the home and children and their husbands (in some cases)....It makes me tired just thinking about it - if you were handed that job description, most would say, "No thanks, sounds too tough"...

Hi...Deborah, I have to agree -- all of that sounds way too exhausting. I would run like a mad woman....ha ha.

My accomplishments include a BS degree, stable job with lots of flexibility (which I love since I'm a night owl and like to sleep in) and good income, being recently promoted, receiving a prestigious award from management for work on a special project, recently selling my home and getting moved into a smaller apartment (temporarily until I find another home to buy), learning to live life without my no good husband who left me for another woman (still lots of work to do, but I am at least making progress), and rescuing a kitten off the street. He was only 3 or 4 weeks old. He was so small, weak, and hungry when we found him. He is now spoiled rotten and very healthy. He is such a sweetheart...and very smart! I am such a sucker for animals!

Wow, that's an impressive list of accomplishments CFGal...sounds like you're really getting your life together after the break up.
My younger sister went through a similar thing - she worked with her fiancee - both vets - he left my sister for their 22-23 year old nurse - charming stuff.
It was a difficult time for my sister - she had been with this man for 12 years. She initially looked at herself - was she too ambitious? Was she too this or that? It rattled her confidence - I encouraged her to look at HIM...his personality, his conduct, his insecurities - HE was the one that felt compelled to run off with a much younger woman.
I think some men feel more comfortable with much younger women - they prefer to be the partner making more money, with more life experience - perhaps, they feel more in control, more secure, more important....who knows?
So, he preferred a girl to a woman = HIS problem.
So, at 39 she applied to all the top US vet schools/hospitals - she wanted to do a residency and become a specialist. She was older than other candidates (she doesn't look anything like her age) so, flew to the States for interviews - she got into one of the best Vet Schools in the US - she completed her final year in 2007 and is now working in Sydney.
The world is at her feet...
When something devastating happens, you often can't see anything but pain - it's too raw....but, these experiences can make you stronger in the long run and one day, you'll look back and marvel at what you've achieved...
So, keep going CFGal...with the promotion, award and new home - sounds like your new life is really taking shape.
AND, your kitten sounds gorgeous...it's a great feeling adopting an animal that no one wants...giving them a chance in life.
I tell myself that every time our tabby shreds the sofa or tears the tassels off the blinds or destroys Christmas decorations or scratches the fly wire....BUT, we love him all the same!

Wow, you are all inspiring me to get off my butt and do more with my life. Maybe after I finish reading the posts here ... and after dinner ... and maybe after a few episodes of Buffy ... :-)

Ok, I had to come back and write a new accomplishment... I got my scores for the big 4.5 hour test I had to take to even qualify for the teacher certification program, and I did well! 300 out of 300 on math, 282 on reading, 287 on writing!

And I thought I had been out of school too long to remember how to study for tests.

Although I feel like a little kid today. I'm home sick with an upper respiratory infection and told by my boss to stay home. But I'm feeling better and getting a bad case of cabin fever!

Wow! That's awesome Trish! You math whiz!

Hope you feel better soon.

Oh WOW! Nice job, Trish!