BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ever have doubts?

No doubts here. Not yet, at least. I've never have had the drive or need to have children and didn't care for the idea even as a little girl. My SO is a fence-sitter who's quickly sliding down the CF way of life. I think about Kodak moments but then I am immediately flooded with moments like yesterday at Applebees, while having lunch with my mother, we had children screaming and kicking the booth on both sides. It was downright rude as I do not have the opportunity to see my mother as often as I'd wish and we were trying to have a heart-to-heart.

My mother has stated that she never intended to have children. She did have me and said she had no regrets, but I do recall her disappearance after divorcing my dad. I realize she needed time to be away and recharge. No anger or regrets at my end. She's a huge proponent in my CF ways. Like I said in another topic, she was trying to think of ways that I could go in and have a tubal without medical necessity. It helps that I have good support.

Other people in our lives sure have funny ideas though. For instance, my SO's brother told their parents a month ago that my SO is holding me back from wanting children and I dearly want children. I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes straight. My word, if they knew how I talk- I curse the idea of children everyday (and I do mean curse- Deadwood is my favorite show, btw)! I keep my mouth shut as he have 2 children of his own (and I try to keep the peace as they are my SO's nieces), but really! It's ridiculous. One of these days I'm going to pipe up and tell his brother I do not want children period.

And don't dump your daughters on me either.

This is a great discussion topic. I think that regardless of whether somebody's children actually DO end up taking care of them when they are older or not, that's not the issue. For me, the impotant issue is that if you have a baby for THAT reason (to take care of you when you are old, to have companionsip when you are alone, etc), you are having a baby for the WRONG reason. That should never be a reason to have a baby, I think that is just a perverted way of looking at it. On another note, as an example, I know a woman whose mother is getting very frail and cannot take care of herself anymore. This woman cannot take care of her mother, even with all her best intentions, because she is just not physically able to. Lifting, washing, dressing, undressing etc an elderly person is hard work and that is the reason why we have trained caregivers! The money I'm saving from not having a kid is going into an long term care insurance, so if I should ever need that kind of assistance, I will be able to afford it.

Exactly! My grandmother (who was batshit crazy and violent) needed a 24 hr nurse around her at all times else she's probably burn the house down. My parents tried hard to take care of her, but it simply wasn't possible, even with a nurse visiting every day.

manderley, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I can relate, since my mom had cancer a couple of years ago and underwent a very aggressive chemo/radiation treatment over an 8-9 month period to get rid of it. She also had a couple of different surgeries along the way. It was very hard for our family, and Dad certainly had to be supportive and the caretaker at that time. He did a good job, though he's not the warmest person in the world, most of the time. I am so glad he was there for her, though, since I live 2 hours away. My father-in-law went through cancer and the ensuing chemo treatments right before my mom, and my mother-in-law had to be his caretaker all through that too. Luckily, both are in remission and doing well right now, but they both had periods of severe depression over the situation and the fact that they were "burdening" their spouses/family. It is so difficult. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I was talking with my dad about this on our last visit (he was advocating I have a baby for long term care) and he even admitted that once an old relative can't go to the bathroom by themselves, it's reasonable to put them in a setting with professional caregivers. I was SO relieved to hear him say that. I should have made him sign something in case he forgets.

Yes, I agree - it must be so difficult to expect your loved ones help you go to the bathroom and clean up. To me, that would be pretty embarrassing and I would rather trust the professionals to help with that also. However, I have also had thoughts about when I'm really old, and possibly not sustaining a good quality of life anymore, going ahead and deciding when it's "my time" to go. I don't know if I'd actually have the guts to do that, but I'd like to think that if I can no longer do anything for myself or enjoy anything, I would be able to make that decision, which I truly do believe is a personal choice and shouldn't be decided by the government or the church.

Yeah, my Grandmom did that - just let herself go by not eating. She didn't want to live after her stroke, and I don't blame her. I'm all for dying with dignity.