BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Making decision permanent

I loved your post, and completely relate to it. I mean almost exactly. I felt so out of place at my inlaws for the holiday, and it was so annoying how the entire holiday was centered around DH's niece and nephew. And I said the same thing - I am NOT going through this next Christmas. We are going somewhere beautiful, where kids are not allowed ! LOL And I completely agree about avoiding people that make me feel bad. I've been doing this for the last couple of years, and just being really authentic and only doing what speaks to me. If that's selfish, I don't care. I need to do what I need to do to stay sane.

I'm so glad your sister was able to reset you, and to get you to look at your life and achievements. She sounds like an awesome person.

And I said the same thing - I am NOT going through this next Christmas. We are going somewhere beautiful, where kids are not allowed !

Hehe! Stay at home in bed! Great way to celebrate and holiday and the absence of munchkins!

Doodlemom, Iluvsummer, Tress and Happy - thanks a million for your kind responses.

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Hi FeeBee,
Sorry you had such a difficult Christmas & New Year.
I really think it helps while you're feeling this way to pick your company - I still do it - not for strength and protection these days - just more interesting and fun mixing with "my own sort"...
So, there are "my sort of people" and the others...
The former group includes parents - well rounded parents with a broader focus.
I can identify with the "safe haven of work" - the common factor is work and kids are part of the external world.
I know though, that I have often felt "different" in certain circles most of my life.
Attending my cousin's 18th birthday party and the talk was all boyfriends, marriage and babies - the talk made me uncomfortable, "what are you going to call your first baby?"...lets go round the circle...
To Myself: Oh, God,...give me strength - escape, go and pat the cat...
Did I ever want to be like them? No
Did I want to be part of this circle? No
Did I share their focus? No - Could I identify with them? No

So, groups that have a strong common interest that is outside your world will often make you feel like an outsider/alien/different...groups of people with a narrow focus can be insensitive - they feed off each other - their focus is not your focus, their lives are not your life.
I've noticed at work functions that include spouses, the SAHM's often look very uncomfortable/bored when surrounded by groups of people talking about work...why? Because they're outside their safe haven, their world, their circle.
Its easy to just forget about these women - you're so caught up in conversation - but I think its rude so, always try and chat to them...find common ground.
At a function recently, I discovered a SAHM with a passion for cats - common interest - we chatted for ages.
She confided to me that she often felt inadequate surrounded by lawyers and accountants.
So, feeling inadequate or different is not confined to the CF.
You're not childish, weird or inadequate - you're an individual - you're different - you're in the wrong circle...
I walked up to a group of women at a work function one evening and found they were all deep in conversation about breastfeeding, leaking and sore nipples...Whoa...wrong circle...Where's my circle? Oh, over there...Oh no, they've almost polished off all that nice Cabernet...I knew I was late...

So, I'll never be a mother, an archaeologist, (really fancied that idea at one point)or an actress (thought I was made for a life in the theatre after starring in a couple of plays at high school)...so, why didn't these things happen for me?
Because I wasn't sufficiently motivated or interested to take my life in that direction. I made a decision to go down another path...I think most people do that - whether they're aware of it or not.
I agree its helpful to focus on all the positives in your life - all the things you have achieved, all the things that make you proud and happy - good health, great husband, great job...I'll bet its quite a list.
It puts things into perspective...

Thanks Deborah and all of you. What would I do without you. I am off Wellington overnight tomorrow so won't be online for a couple of days.