BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids OMG this BABY THING!!!

you can choose your friends, families are a mesh that's around you.it is possible to disengage completely but i don't reccomend it. however i found ''short 'n'sweet'' is good to keep in mind..minimal contact is easier to keep sweet. arrange fixed time visits,short duration, and ALWAYS HAVE YOU TAXI FARE!

My SIL is 6 weeks pregnant and already rubbing her tummy and talking of how sick she is. MIL is already obbsessive about this baby and every one in the family but me and my husband are so immersed in this baby and the pregnancy, that we find it kind of boring and blah.
Every conversation is about birthing, after birth, labor pains, post baby weight, breast feeding, and feces.
I don't want to hear about feces or your breasts, both are personal and should not be discussed at the dinner table.
As all the women sit around and talk about this stuff, I sit and usually read my magazine or book. The women say, we feel so sorry for you, you are left out of all the conversations because you are childless.
Well to tell the truth a conversation about baby poop or breast milk, is something I prefer to be left out of.
everytime I see these women, I have less and less in common with them. I am current on news events, politics, latest books, and what is going on locally. All they know is that their kid took a poopy by himself, the other one stuck a raisin in his ear, and the mini van doesn't have room for a stroller and play pen in the back. I usually end up hanging with the guys, so I can have some conversations that are not about poop.

*sigh* Hanging with the guys can be really aggravating as well, though. Sometimes they get uncomfortable about having a woman in the room. Or they talk about sports constantly, which is just as boring about babies. Or they talk about how 'hot' such-and-such is, and then leer at me to see what my response will be. If they're older, they'll ignore me when talking about anything substantial as if I wouldn't understand it. And my husband wonders why I have panic attacks or sit alone in a corner. I can't even go to our old church anymore. I can't even breath in that place.

I used to get the "I feel sorry for you" bingo, too, and that's when I'd go home and start mulling over how sorry for myself I felt...feelings of "Am I missing out?" and all that. And I'm sure they could probably see it in my face sometimes, knowing they were getting to me, making me question their happiness vs. my own. Note - I never felt maternal instincts on my own; rather, it was these women in the breeding craze that would make me question it, and that's an important distinction to make. I started reading books on the side about CF vs. Mommyhood.

That's exactly what I started doing when they would surface discussion on breast scabbing/pumping or poopy or morning sickness -- I would go with the guys or just excuse myself for a cigarette or to take a walk to text a friend. Instead of getting a look on my face of either longing to belong or cluelessness, I'd project a perfect expression of vile disgust - as if I was going to blow chunks right there without warning or holding back - and they soon stopped ribbing and bingoing me. Once I became more confident in my own skin (which required some reading and soul-searching), they didn't feel the need to "feel sorry for me" anymore, and I didn't feel the need to be included. Relationships with those kinds of people became more mutually respectful, and I certainly was much happier...and that's all that mattered. HA!

That's great, Angela!

Annie - welcome to the forum. DH's family is immersed in the baby talk, too.

Interestingly enough, it wasn't like that when my sister was pregnant either time. She kept everything quiet, she'd update us on doctor's appointments and stuff, but there was never any "gross" talk. Maybe that's another reason why I'm more okay with her having kids than my SIL!

Ugh, I can't stand the gross talk. I do plan on having kids one day, but if I start in with the nasty conversation, then I give anyone I talk to permission to barf on my shoes. I don't talk about gross stuff now, so I don't see why I would once I'm pregnant.

This is so funny, and so true! You would never hear guys have an intense conversation about their offspring's dumpage. All of that stuff is so foreign to me, too. I can't imagine that it suddenly becomes interesting b/c you are pregnant. A friend of our family had a baby shower that I conveniently missed LOL. I went to get her something at Baby's R Us, and the only gifts left were the "booby gifts." I think I ended up being them for her, and we laughed about it. I would feel like such a freak having someone buy me breast gifts. Hopefully I will never need them, if God is kind, and if I did, I would freakin buy them myself! Good god!

What next, are we going to start buying pregnant women Metamucil LOL? Sorry, now I'm being gross. he he

Out of all of that, I caught the word minivan. I don't want children at all. I love being the friendly godmother, aunt, etc. But, I have been checking out the 08 Grand Caravan as well and thought it was kind of weird that I actually like it seeing as it's usually seen as a family car.

Yes, we (my wife and I) have a mini-van. AKA Mom van, soccer mom, family bus, etc. It is the first real "new" car we got (previous cars were Tauruses, Altimas, etc, slightly used, but never brand new). Yes, the "minivan" concept has the "mommy/kids" stigma associated with it, however we got it because we wanted the ability to move large items in comfort.

On trips that we take, we take two or so big suitcases, two laptops, two camera bags, two large tripods, a cooler (if necessary), a "snackie sack" (a small satchel with snacks, microwave popcorn, mini-bowls, plates, forks, napkins, etc). All of that fits in the back of the van (third-row seats permanently down) so that you don't even SEE all of that stuff. In addition, one of the hotels we were staying at did not have a microwave in the room (this was over the Thanksgiving weekend) so every store and restaurant was closed that one night and we wanted food. So, we bought a cheap microwave oven at Walmart (which WAS open), got some frozen food, put this HUGE microwave oven box in the back of the van, brought all that stuff into the room, and had dinner there, all without the worry of "will it fit?" Try doing that with just a car.

Also, just last weekend, we are doing some cleanup and decided to get an area rug to cover part of our living room. We found an 8' by 10' rug at BJs, bought it, put down some of the arm rests, and just put this long rolled up rug INSIDE the van without any problems at all. It also helps when taking larger items to the local dump/landfill without having to put stuff on the roof, tie it down, etc. Plus on the occasional times when people do ride in it, you can have all of your stuff in the far back of the van and have the seats free for people to sit in without [censored] being around them.

I think the impetus to have the license plate is to remind people that just because we have a "mom van" with just two people in it it does not follow that we want to procreate and fill the van up with kids. We just want the room to carry stuff!

My mom's new car is also a mini van. They have a big dog, and sometimes sit our dog, so they need lots of room.