BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Tell Me About It - Advice From Carolyn Hax

Awesome article!!!

I have to admit, this happened at our Wedding. People brought along their 11month old to a function that started at 6pm and ended up finishing around midnight. Admittedly we told everyone it was an engagement party, but still there were going to only be adults there. Whatever happened to only those people whose names appear on an invite assuming they could come? Other friends with children didn't bring them.

Our friends brought their newborn baby to a wedding. However, I think an exception should be made for them because he was 2 months premature and had just come out of the hospital and they didn't feel comfortable leaving him with a sitter because they wanted to spend as much time with him as possible (understandably.) I am pretty sure that they cleared it with the bride and groom first, though. The baby never made even a peep during the wedding OR the reception. Actually, I think they took turns staying in the lobby with him during the ceremony.

However, I have been to weddings where the kids absolutely could NOT be quiet, had to be seen AND heard the whole time, threw fits. We were at DH's cousin's wedding and the cousin's newborn niece was there and cried through the whole ceremony. I would have been [censored]! You couldn't hear what was going on, and we were in the 3rd row! It was very annoying.

Yes, children should NOT be invited to adult-only occasions. I remember my mom explaining to me when I was a kid WHY I couldn't go to a party with her - it's for adults! (Sometimes I was invited along - notice - INVITED - by my mom's friends. I always just sat quietly and colored.) However, there are exceptions, and as long as it's OK with the host/hostess, then I think that's fine.

According to the rules of ettiquette, (which precious few people follow anymore) only the people whose names are on the invitation are supposed to be the ones invited to the function. I was very careful about this for my wedding 2 years ago. I carefully addressed each invitation to only the adults in each family, as I did not want children at my wedding. Sure enough, one of DH's friends returned the RSVP card, with "2 1/2 will attend" meaning they were planning to bring their 4 year old daughter. Fortunately, they were able to make arrangements and leave her at home, but if she'd come, she would have been the only child there. I did have a coworker who had older kids that I was okay with her bringing, but the family got sick and couldn't come. So, I did have a childfree wedding in the end.

Cindy

Thanks for the early Congrats.
"M" could easily arrange a sitter - her sister often cares for her kids - "M" was a single mother for 10 years
so, has a network of family to care for her kids.
This is about control...
My brother rang me this morning about an unrelated matter - we're currently buying him out of a property - he didn't know
my invitation had been declined - he sounded embarrassed and flat.
The decision to decline the invitation was made unilaterally, which appears to be the only way "M" works...
We know a few people that always read their kids into an invitation - we attended a very smart 40th birthday dinner a few years ago - one couple arrived with their 3 year old twins.
The hosts were annoyed that they had arrived with their kids but were astonished when they also, made a fuss when the caterers couldn't provide a kid friendly meal.
Incredible...

LMAO reminds me of When in Rome... but only When in CF ville....

I love that part about there is a whole culture and social seen out there DEAL WITH IT! hehehe

oh and then you are part of the problem like people who cut you off and then drive well below the speed limit!!

ROTFLMAO!!

I really like how she made it clear that the root of this problem is a lack of etiquette - that's exactly what it is. I've wondered how people justify being so rude as to ignore to whom the invitation is addressed by bringing their children to an event uninvited anyway - I guess they don't have to justify it because they were never taught common etiquette and they just don't know better. Maybe instead of just getting upset over children being forced into every situation, we should buy a bunch of Emily Post books and hand them out to people who practice that lack of etiquette - we could highlight the parts about children!

I just don't know when everything changed from parents wanting to be adults with adult lives to parents being owned by children. Parents now become offended if their children aren't the center of everyone else's universe and that is just weird. Whatever happened to being considerate of people other than children? Whatever happened to adults being adults and children being children and having a distinctive line between the two?

[quote=Deborah49My mother informed me this morning that my brothers partner is annoyed that her children (3 from her first marriage and a baby with my brother) haven't been invited and has said that she will not be attending (that includes my brother) unless an invitation is sent to her kids. [/quote]

This woman sounds like a real treat. It's YOUR birthday, and you have a right to have an adult celebration. You don't make stipulations on who she invites to her kids' b-day parties. Even if your nephew was the same age as her kids, you still reserve the right to invite who you want to YOUR celebration. And, happy birthday by the way!

Children should be seen and not heard! I was raised that you do not speak to an adult unless they ask you a question you say yes ma'ma no sir speak clearly and look them in the eye and show propre respect but saying miss mrs mr somebody unless they say you can call then my there first name and then its miss mrs or mr First name. or Aunt-uncle joe jane or something like that.
I was also taught to set by my mother or dad and stay right by there side unless told otherwise. If they had kids and I was invited to play then that was another thing but even if I played with the other kids I was not allowed to ask to go or do anything unless they invited me to do or go the only exception was to go to the bathroom or to have a drink of water if I was having a caughing spell. and if we I was invited to eat dinner then I took what ever was served and ate what i was given or what i took.

I cring every time I hear a child say yuck that is nasty or can i have this or that or invites themselfs out with someone elses family. my nephew had a friend that through a tantrum because my sil would not buy him a $50 toy at walmart and the kid was 14! and he was not invited to begin with!

of course the parents think it is great that there children are able to convay there needs and wants to others so confadently and they got mad because my sil would not buy this toy for there son but she baught her own son socks for $5 that he needed! It is after all her son!

even if you do have kids of yourown I doubt that you took your kids friends to raise! and btw the other mother doesnt even let my nephew eat food at her house and if he goes out of town with them he has to have his own money and pay half the gas to were ever they go and buy his own meals!! and she has the nerve to
b!T@#?

Freebubbles, that sounds like how I was raised. I went with my mom to a lot of "grown-up" stuff, but always was quiet and reserved and did what she told me to do. I never fussed or whined, or I would have been taken right home. Even when I was a teen, my mom and I got in HUGE fights, but the second we walked out the door we were best friends. I NEVER fought with my mom in public, I never gave her attitude in public. All my life all I heard from my mom's friends (and strangers) was how good I was, and how sweet I was, blah blah blah. Of course some of it went to my head, but it was always nice to know that adults noticed how well-behaved I was.

that was me! but if I dared to back talk my mom in public she would have slapped me and then took me home right then and probly busted my butt all the way home and chewed me out all the way too. that was one think my mom would not stand for at all. at home or when it was just us that was different but in public...!

I still dont believe in airing family laundry in public and I still think parents should be the adults with all the prevaliges that entails!!!