BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids How much time for making my decision?

Juli, I have to second Angela P's thoughts . . . I would encourage you not to close any doors until you are absolutely certain that you don't want children. You change and grow alot from your 20s to 30s . . . some of the things I thought I wanted at 28 are very different from what I want now at 39. As for my own decision, while I am 98% certain that my husband and I will not have children, when I went in earlier this year to have an ovarian cyst removed and they gave me the option of having my tubes tied simultaneously, I declined. Things change, feelings change, people change . . . and, knowing that, I chose not to close what even now is a very narrow window. So, my advice is don't rush it . . . you have lots of time to make this decision and it's better to dither to and fro for several years than to make a choice that may be very difficult to reverse if you change your mind.

Thanks for your support and honest answers!!!

I am a teacher in austria and we get an unlimited working contract after 5 years of work... these 5 years will be over in december 2008 - so I think I will give myself 1 year for this decision ...(getting pregnant before having this contract would be a very high risk for losing my job!)

I have NO overwhelming desire to get children now, I really love my life the way it is now and I love the silence when I come home from school, although I really like my pupils (but it's nice to send them home in the afternoon...!) ;-)! ...I'm afraid of that I probably regret it in the future, but on the other hand I feel that a decision is necessary in the next one/two years...

Perhaps the reason for my fear is the pressure that co-workers, relatives and friends give to me ("You are such a good teacher and you have so much patience with children...you have to have children of your own.....!" *blablabla* :-(

By the way.... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Perhaps the reason for my fear is the pressure that co-workers, relatives and friends give to me ("You are such a good teacher and you have so much patience with children...you have to have children of your own.....!" *blablabla* :-(

I get this too as I am also a teacher!
All the best with whatever you decide whether you decide to have children or not.
But remember you will be raising a child of ALL ages not just the age you currently work with! And when you go home, they are there, which is not like it is with your class!

It's up to you, think about it a lot.

I am a bit in the same situation. I am 34 and it will be at least one and a half more years to two before my husband and I get citizenship in this country all going well. Even if I wanted to have children - which I don't - I would be about 35.5 - 36 when I got pregnant at least which is getting on a bit! (And a bit dangerous although some older mothers have healthy babies of course, it doesn't always go well.)

P.S. you are 28 so you do still have some time!

Juli,

I am in a similar place. We are both in our 20s and we have been together for 8.5 years. I always said when I was younger that if I was to have children, I wanted my first by 25 and last one by 30. I know that the risks of birth defects goes up after 35, but I wanted to be extra careful.

Now, here I sit, less than 2 months away from my 25th birthday. We do not have any children now and we are not going to have any children in the future. My husband and I have discussed vasectomy for him and the Essure procedure for me. But, doctors are hesitant to perform sterilization procedures on folks as young as we are. (DH is 26.)

You don't need to be in a rush. It has been my experience that decisions that are rushed are the ones that are most often regretted. You are still young. Take some time to think things over; discuss your feelings with your husband and your friends if you can. Also, keep posting here and/or write in a journal. Sometimes getting your thoughts down in writing makes things clearer.

I agree with Shortcatmama,
Even though we thought it unlikely that we would have kids, we kept our options open - sterilization was never even discussed...
I have been surprised to read that some very young people on this forum have had vasectomies. I make no criticism of them at all - it must be great to know your mind so well in your 20s. In many ways it would have been nice to have the topic closed at 30 or 32...although, I suspect people would then be looking for signs of regret and giving you advice on reversal procedures...
So, you can't win!
I have to say though, I was surprised by the number of friends and colleagues that changed their minds about children in their 30s and even 40s - I suspect now, when I think about it, that they were always Undecided but for whatever reason, found it easier to say they didn't want kids.
AND, you still have time - it's quite common these days for a woman to have her first child in her 30s.
Good luck with your decision making.

Thank you SO MUCH for listing the article "The Shame of Not Wanting

Children"!

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my mother was 34 when I was born and I have Porphyria, a genetic disease, she was 39 with my sister who has challenges. I decided at 27 I did not want children and had my tubes tied at 32 when I was still single (they allowed it because of the Porphyria). I am 46 now--married 11 years--and have never regretted it for one moment. Neither does he.

Hi everyone. I'm a newbie here, too. I've been a lurker for several months, and I noticed that this forum has been kind of quiet lately.

Anyway, I obviously don't want kids, either. I'm pretty happy with the way my life is going, and I don't want it to change.