BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Jamie Lynn Spears...say it isn't so!

Yes, they ARE for entertainment. That doesn't mean that kids use them as role models. They SHOULDN'T be role models, but if people copy them, look up to them, etc., then they ARE role models!

It's obvious we've surfaced a topic of controversy, which started out as pointing at Jamie Lynn Spears, then internalizing and voicing how we were at her age, how our mothers raised us, and how we would raise our daughters (combined with the occasional mother who has stopped in to voice how she is currently raising her daughter(s).

My personal choice of opting for no penetration before marriage had less to do with any "moral fortitude" and more to do with fear: Fear of becoming pregnant, and more so the fear of doing something permanent I can't undo. I had friends who were sexually active early, and many of them sobbed afterward, saying it wasn't like what they expected, and the guy had just moved on...they felt cheap and used, and now unable to get back something of themselves they wished they hadn't. Heh...talk about irony: All that fear culminated into my now ex-husband having an affair 11 months after the wedding. I felt like me, my "virtuous choice" and two bucks could get me a no-frills cup of coffee.

This is one of many reasons I abandoned Catholicism. Not just to ease my mind about non-marital sex, but because I didn't want to be judged - and specifically, I didn't like being told I couldn't receive communion with a "mortal sin" on my soul. Last time I read the Bible, I don't recall Jesus forming two lines when breaking bread. At 26, I felt old enough to make this adult decision, which is quite different from the Spears goofballs. Currently at 36, my boyfriend and I enjoy all there is to enjoy in a loving relationship, we pray, we help others, we're honest people, and we're happy. I think Duane_Va has a quote in his signature that says "...and that's all that matters."

I've wrangled with the question of how I would raise my daughter all week (tell her she shouldn't have sex before marriage? sit down and talk to her, offering to take her in for bc pills?), and I still don't have an answer. Again, soooo glad I'll never have to deal with it. This is one challenging period in a parent's life I'll never have to face. I got my cat fixed, easy peasy.

AngelaP,

You have that got that right !!! I love the quote "...and that's all that matters." which is so true on so many levels. It is so easy for many to sit back and say how they would raise a child and you are very smart to realize it doesn't work that way because if it did we would all have raised Geniuses.

Those were my reasons too Angela! Goodness knows I went through a pretty self-destructive phase in my teens, but since I'd babysat, I certainly wasn't going to punish myself THAT hard as to having a baby in my teens.

I was thinking about why I was self-destructive, and if my parents contributed in some way, and figured something out just now. I was doing it for attention. My parents were divorced, and I felt like they so worried about themselves (my dad was pretty stable, but they both went through quite a few relationships, and my mom struggled with getting a career back and pulling it financially). The easiest ways I found to turn the spotlight on myself was sadly, being naughty. I wasn't that bad, but bad enough that I cringe to think what I would have been up to if I was a teen these days. A better me would have probably tried being a higher achiever to get attention, but my brother was a genius, so I had little hope of impressing anyone that way.

That idea of grinding up BC pills in the teens food is hilarious...and pretty good!

My fears (from my own male POV) of becoming a parent involved the responsibility of taking care of a kid. Of all the factors, the ultimate was the responsibility that would fall upon me (and the time involved) in raising such a person to deal with the complex world out there. I grew up in possibly the last generation (born in 1967, graduated from HS in 1985) where you actually could have had a real childhood of innocence. I would not want to be a child in this era. Questions about sexuality and what to do in this day and age are amongst the topics I would not feel comfortable dealing with on a one-to-one level, if I had a choice -- and I *did* and I still *do*.

The uncertainty of children's behaviors in general, combined with the variances and suprises of the world today, make for a situation where the cost/benefit analysis of having a child simply fails for me. For other people, it is worth it. But for my wife and myself, we have made our decision and stand by it.

One of the saddest events I have read about here with regularity are those situations where a parent, after having a child and not enjoying the experience, finally stumbles upon one of us who is CF and says "I had a choice?" But, as is obvious after the fact, once you have them, you can't go back.

It comes down to whether you can put up with the bingoing vs the lifetime commitment of caring for a child for the rest of your life. You have to pay a price either way. Stand up for what you believe, from society, co-workers, family and/or spouse and say no, or give in and suffer like everyone else for the rest of your lives knowing that you are not meant for being a parent.

Make your choices, and go with them. Choose wisely, or choose poorly, and go forth...

I'll take the bingoes anyday! I can at least walk away from those, and they're getting more infrequent as I get older and people realize I am actually serious about not wanting kids!

The other night I met a couple who are friends of my parents, who don't have kids. The wife asked me if my husband and I are planning on children. I told her, no, dogs are enough for us! She said, "That's like us...we love our dog!" It was so nice getting acceptance from someone in a like situation, but older. They certainly didn't look like they were pining for grandchildren!

Cindy

I can't remember who said this, but I think someone on this thread noted that the Spears girls must have really bad self esteem - that even bad attention is attention that they crave.

I knew a girl in high school that got pregnant in our senior year. She was the oldest of three girls. Her baby was a trophy b/c she was dating a hot guy on a local dance program that she was also on. She was proud of the fact that she "had his baby." Did she take care of that child? No, her Mom did. And her younger sister followed in her footsteps b/c she saw how easy it was for her older sister to have a child. After all, she got a free ride at a local art school b/c she was a single Mom, and everyone fell all over her to help her, and passed her through her classes even though I don't think her grades were up to par after the baby.

There's no shame in becoming pregnant anymore, and maybe that isn't a good thing. I don't think women should have to hear about it, and pay for the rest of their lives. Of course not. But maybe if it hadn't become the norm, couples would be a little more careful.

I guess the rules are even more skewed if you are famous and have money. Then, it's really no big deal. Just get a nanny, etc. But, let's face it. They aren't going to keep her on Nickelodeon for long. She no longer fits their model. I'm sure Disney cringed when Britney got pregnant - even though she had long moved on. And I'm sure Disney isn't thrilled about their girl Lindsey Lohan either. She had a meal ticket, but it's a wholesome type channel, and I don't think they will stand behind her. It will be interesting to see where she ends up. So sad.