BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids anyone else find the holidays tedious?

okay, I know I'm a little late b/c thanksgiving was a week ago today, but... does anyone else find the holidays brutal? this does relate to being cf, because family is supposed to be this be all end all thing, and I personally find a lot of my relatives boring and I have nothing in common with them. I don't flatter myself - I'm sure if I think I don't have anything in common with them, they probably feel the same about me. And I guess I'm really referring to my hubby's family, but to my extended relatives, too.

I just want to take this opportunity to shout once again that FAMILY IS OVERRATED!

I mean really, once you have dinner, it seems like we all sit around looking at each other with the football game on in the background. I'd rather be anywhere else. I wouldn't even mind eating Burger King LOL if I meant I could eat and go home afterwards and do my own thing.

Christmas is kind of the same way... you open presents, and then there isn't much to do but look at each other. I don't know, it just feels kind of forced and contrived to me in a way. I'm probably just weird, but I seem to relate to you guys on so many other levels, I just thought maybe someone else might have had this experience.

I am so right there with you, happy!

The rift that has formed between my family and myself is in large part because I don't visit much. There's nothing to say, nothing to do, so I don't go. My parents just want me under their roof for a day or two every few months. The trouble I have with that is that (up until the big blow up with Mom in May) I always had more and better conversations with them over the phone. There is no reason for me to take two days out of my life, ignoring the bazillion other little things I have to do, just so I can putter around my parents' house when a one hour phone call would be just as valuable. I sometimes wonder if they just want me there so they can pretend to still be active parents for a short time. (The conundrum with them is that there are moments of wanting to be active parents clashing against moments of eagerness to be empty-nesters while they wait on my 19 year old brother to find an apartment.)

As for holidays specifically, I've made Thanksgiving a local friends only affair for years now, and made only quick visits to my parents' place around Christmas (not necessarily on the day, or even the week). I just don't see the point in wasting the little time I have off work bored to tears in someone else's home when I could spend it productively (or happily not) in my own.

Sidebar: My parents moved to a new house in a new town when I was 18 and starting college. I stayed with them only a few short months between leaving college and moving to another town to start my own life. But my Dad has always asked if I'm going to visit by saying, "When are you coming home?" Their current home has never been mine, and I have made a home for myself elsewhere. But only in the last year have I been able to even start to break him of the habit of referring to his home as mine. Has anyone else had this problem? Is it just a general problem for 20-somethings?

I like holidays. Don't know why. I don't particularly like my husband's family these days, nor my own, but I still like going.

Myra - as far as the "going home" thing - my mom will never say that because we bought her house after she got married, so this is the house we bought when I was 8! So I AM home, in every sense of the word!

lng- I think it's safe to say your home situation is pretty unusual! You actually have legitimate cause to ask your mom if SHE'S coming home! lol

I know, it's a sweet deal. I just wish we could have paid my mom directly instead of getting a mortgage, because now we're paying all this interest on the house, so it's like we're paying for the house twice.

I think the holidays, like everything else in life, is what you make of it. If you are happy in yourself and focus on the positives, like your children, or whatever personally makes you happy in any situation, you'll be happy.

All families have little or big problems and enforced togetherness at holiday time can cause tension but I refuse to let any of that spoil how I feel.

We all meet up with negative people throughout our days and if wse let all of them effect us, we'd never be able to be happy!

Just my thought.

Stacy.

Holidays are cool in my little family -- it's just me, Mom and Dad, and we drink and play cards. It's a fun time, real relaxed and stress-free.

I just don't care for the hype around the holidays; namely, all-Christmas radio stations and being constanly bombarded in all media with shopping. Shopping, SALE!, more shopping, deals galore, shop early, etc. And oh, I feel like decking the people who start asking in about 10 days, "Have you gotten your Christmas shopping done yet?" *grumble*

I do like sending Christmas cards, though...that's become a little ritual of mine: Hole up with the TV and a bottle of wine and writing little notes to friends and family. Every time I get one in the mail, it's like a little gift. They certainly break up the monotony of opening bills.

I have to confess --- I LOVE the holidays. LOVE THEM. Love the turkey day - yep, eating yourself silly and sitting around watching football and dumb movies with the (well, MY) family. LOVE buying gifts for everyone, LOVE the decorations, LOVE the lights, LOVE the tree (although DH conned me into a fake, pre-lit tree last year so I'm not loving that as much), LOVE the food, the parties, etc. Even love the whole family get-togethers with DH's crazy family (reminds me of why I'm glad I live 3hrs away). Love it all better if there is snow, too!! Maybe it's all because my birthday is two days before Christmas, but I'm happy as a clam this time of year.

DH, on the other hand, HATES the holidays. Hates decorating, hates the tree, hates the family stuff, hates the gift buying, hates the rushing around.

So we end up have an annual p*ssing war over it all that usually starts pre-Turkey. Yes, we end up compromising (e.g. fake tree) and in the end I'm usually happy. And he's usually happy, too, it's mostly the "work" part of it he really hates.

YES! I forgot about the cards! I love getting them, too! I even like seeing all those goofy kid/family photos, and there are a couple of xmas letters we get that are good (lots of photos with captions, not so much "letter"). We used to get our first card the weekend after Thanksgiving, from DH's elderly great-aunt in NV. I always looked forward to her card each year, and it served as a reminder to get started on mine.

You bet others have that problem!! And I'm sorry to say, it's not just in your 20's. I'm 38 and my dad still hassles me about living in a different city than where I grew up (and he still lives.) It drives me insane. The place I grew is not the same anymore (it's been rabidly developed and the main goal of that city seems to be eradicating all nature and filling in with tract houses and freeways). I Hate it there now. I was so thankful to get out, and will never go back. I'm independent and don't ask for anything from them, because they always will have strings attached.

The part adds insult to injury is that they divorced when I was 6, and they both live in different houses than the one I grew up in. I did actually go back and live with my mom after college but that lasted about 3 months before I had to leave. She was in a new relationship and her boyfriend was highly irritating (even to her). I couldn't stand to witness the dysfunction that I'd had to deal with my entire childhood.

It really pisses me off when they act like where they live is "my" home, when the home they created for me in childhood was broken and dysfunctional. Talk about denial!!

I have mixed feelings about holidays. I don't get all sentimental about them at all, and really could do without all the fuss and stress. I'm Jewish, so that's part of it. My extended family is really cool though, so I do like spending time with them.