BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Need advice regarding a stupid baby shower

I'm all for ganging up on bullies. :-)

I have obviously hit a nerve.

I must apologize to yehonala because I don't know her and I should not have reacted to one comment made, I do not know you or your situation and it was not right of me in anyway to judge. I realize children are difficult and that being a teacher in today's world is the toughest job around. So I apologize for acting like a mother hen and not recognizing where you were coming from.

I cannot say why the words "Everyone of them has something unlikable about them!" upset me so much. Not because I do not want to share, but because I don't know why. I've had nothing but positive feedback about both my children and I am very tough on them and how they behave.

I know kids today are difficult, I ran a dayhome for years, had 6 kids (11 total in and out all week) from ages 2-8 from 7:00am 'til 6:00 pm 5 days a week with only 2 weeks off a year and no voluteer help, coffee breaks, lunch breaks, support or co workers. I never would say "they have something unlikeable about them." Frustrating behavior yes, but I would never say I didn't like something about them.

I know teachers have a difficult job as parents do not back them. I know parents are lenient and kids are getting out of control. I've been in schools where their are high risk and high needs kids, I get that it's not easy. However, I am a parent, with an 8 year old child who would be furious if their teacher said anything about him was unlikeable.

Any adult that says they don't like a child, I'm going to have issues with using that vocabulary. Sorry, it hits a nerve.

Freebubbles, please see pm. I do not in anyway think that you started something. I have always thought you were a very nice person who spoke up when you felt someone was being unfair and you call them on it. That I can and do respect.

For the rest, whatever...... You want to think i'm an evil b.... then think that. I really don't care. For those that have read my other posts and think that I am a judgemental rightous pompous as*,..... OK ............

No I was not trying to incite a reaction... I was upset about a teacher using the words unlikeable regarding the children in her care. I pictured my kid and got upset.... Not really concerned with inciting anything.

I know, it's hard for parents to accept sometimes that their child isn't perfect. And I'm sure you don't think your child is perfect, but it's still hard for you to hear from someone else that your child isn't 100% likeable. Maybe if more parents accepted that their children aren't 100% likeable, then there would be less behavior problems.

I mean, just think back about when you were a kid. There were always those three or four kids in your class that everyone hated for some reason or another. That's how adults feel about those kids, too.

I've had bullies, I've had children hit me, I've had children swear at me, I've had children who are perfectly capable of doing gymnastics hanging like lumps on the bars because they don't feel like it. I've twisted my back because a fat girl just dropped herself off the vault while I was spotting her and she pulled me with (it was NOT an accident.) When I taught older girls, I had one or two who didn't like me (which is fine) except that they then lied to their parents and said that I refused to let them go on bars, or whatever.

You can't tell me that you would like and enjoy that.

I'm sorry. I don't like that aspect about those kids. If you have a hard time dealing with it, maybe you should pay more attention to what your children do. It's not necessarily that I don't like the KIDS, but that I don't like that part of them.

i know of some parents who have told me that they don't always like their kids %100 of the time. i think it's normal. she had a bad day and was venting just like anyone else has the right to. teaching is a hard job and in fact after teaching for 5 yrs. i left the field and am now working at my gym in daycare and tutoring.i would never go back to the classroom so i give anyone who is still there a lot of credit.i agree that some parents just don't want to hear the truth about their kids. i wish some of these parents would walk even a day in a teacher's shoes and then see what they have to say.

indigo

I appreciate your candor, Carennedy, and I respect your position. Hopefully, you respect ours. After all, you posted in a Child-free forum. Always consider your audience.

Ever since they were in Kindergarten, I have had every teacher they have had tell me what a joy and a pleasure they are in their class and they are in 3rd and fourth grade now and it feels really good to hear that because then I know that my wife and I are doing our jobs. They have also told us that they appreciate our involvement with them with homework and other things. They said they wished they had more parents like us to deal with. We constantly supply snacks for the classrooms, go to every conference and volunteer to chaperone field trips when we can.

There is an attitude with some parents that when they send their kids off to school that "they are the school's problems now" and parents do not like to hear that their child is disrupting the class or bullying other students but it is a sad fact that they are and that behavior does start in the home. When our children were struggling with work or not completely finishing homework or whatever, we changed the rules around here.

All video games will now be played on the weekends only and they are not allowed to go outside and play or go up to their rooms for leisure time until their homework is done and we check it thoroughly and make them fix their mistakes. Now, they know what is expected of them when they come home from school and it is a normal routine now. If we have questions about their day or their homework, then we send notes in for the teacher, call them on the phone in thgeir room or chat with themm when we go to school to pick them up.

We make sure to have a good rapport with their teachers and will continue that until they graduate so if there are any behaviors or any problems we will know right away and nip them in the bud.

Teaching is a hard enough job without having to do the parents' job as well.

I just feel that too many adults say and feel negative things about children and children pick up on it. This affects self esteem and goes in a circle from there. Everyone is selfish, but too many think the world revolves around them. This is the problem with parents and kids today, thinking that they are more important in this world then they really are. This attitude of I deserve whatever I want is what floors me.

Even with the kids in the neighbourhood that other parents vocally, even in front of them, say they don't like these children I am very careful with how I view them. I may think their choices are terrible and their behavior is dispicable, BUT I still find things to like about them first and foremost and go from there. I always tell them that I may not like how they behaved but I do like them, there is nothing wrong with them just the choice they made.

Vance

I agree with everything you say. I do think parents unload their kids on other adults, like teachers. But that's why it is so important for other adults to have a positive influence on them. Kids are not a problem, some kids need more guidence and a firmer hand than others, not to be seen as a problem to be passed on to someone else.

I live in a neighbourhood where their is both involved and not involved parents. All of which are outspoken and vocal. If you are making the choice to be involved at all times you need to be aware of your attitude toward them, you may be the difference between a failure and a success.

I cannot say why the words "Everyone of them has something unlikable about them!" upset me so much. Not because I do not want to share, but because I don't know why. I've had nothing but positive feedback about both my children and I am very tough on them and how they behave (quote from Carenedy).

I think I know why it upset you. I react the SAME way, regardless of WHAT forum I am reading when I see someone say EVERYONE. It's just not fair to judge a group by a few. I did not have a problem with Yehonala venting about children's behavior, but I did take offense to the fact that the word EVERYONE was used in the statement. I am NOT trying to drag this this out, but I feel it necessary to address what I have seen happen since that first comment where EVERYONE was used.

Inglebert and Indigo, you both are absolutely correct in what you say about teaching and how SOME kids are truly unbearable. You both show a compassionate side to both sides of the coin. I really apreciate it when I read your comments. Inglebert, I know how compassionate and loving your are to SOME of your students, way beyond the call of duty. You are a PERFECT example that being childfree or childless does make you hardened into believing that ALL children are part of the same group.

Just because you are child free doesn't mean that you need to be angry, mean or unjust to those of us who have children. (I am now childFREE, however, since my kids are all grown. But I am not childLESS. Even with my own four grandchildren, there is one that I have a hard time trying to like. Most of us feel like that some of the time, whether they are our children or somebody elses.) But, Myrabeth, you said, "Maybe she should take classes in how to be less of an evil B!t*h" and then you followed up with "Sure that's mean... I have no qualms about saying what I feel in general, but especially not with unsympathetic, self righteous, troll-ish brats who go into another person's backyard to rip up the flowers instead of helping with the planting." Come on, did she really deserve that? If there are troll-ish brats who pick your flowers, then it is those children's parent that you should address with those kinds of comments.

"A person who requests help from friends does not need or deserve being blasted by strangers." is what you said. I agree that a person doesn't deserve to be blasted, but I ask you, why is it that you say "help from FRIENDS" when we all "know" each other on this forum (at least our Bella names). Some people are considered friends when others remain strangers or even enemies? Difference of opinions or lack of tolerance or lack of anything in common? Definition of friend: a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. This is something that we can reflect on and try to be better "friends" to each other, since very few of us really KNOW each other, except through cyberspace. If we can't have peace on Bella, then how can we ever expect world peace?

Frieda, you said, "I don't like seeing people get attacked here when they are seeking support. I don't go on the mom's forum and pick apart what they're saying and have a big hissy fit because I don't like something."

You are welcome to come to any forum, as we all are, and if you, or anyone else, ever see someone using words UNJUSTLY or incorrectly, then you also have the right to say something. When anybody uses EVERYBODY then somebody is going to take offense. High School English taught that! You just can't categorize any group of people like that.

Indigo, you were very real and caring in your response, "i know of some parents who have told me that they don't always like their kids %100 of the time. i think it's normal. she had a bad day and was venting just like anyone else has the right to. teaching is a hard job and in fact after teaching for 5 yrs. i left the field and am now working at my gym in daycare and tutoring.i would never go back to the classroom so i give anyone who is still there a lot of credit.i agree that some parents just don't want to hear the truth about their kids. i wish some of these parents would walk even a day in a teacher's shoes and then see what they have to say." I am one of those, too.

I don't like SOME of my children's actions, behavior or choices, but I try to be tolerant of my children and MOST children. Some of the kids I teach are so unlikeable that I wonder if their parents even like them. AND, I have tried to loving work with these kids to give them extra chances and they don't want them, so I understand how MANY people feel.

I teach and there are indeed some children (and adults) that are just disagreeable and unlikeable. We all choose our friends by staying away from most of those kinds of people. Right? It's funny though, that I have had my opinion changed a few times and even SOME of those kinds of people turn out to be likeable when I continue to be tolerant of them. Sometimes that is hard to do but we need to keep trying.

See, I think all of this dispute happened over generalizing ALL rather than SOME or even MANY. It is good for all of us to vent but like Angela said, remember your audience AND don't generalize ANY group of people, whether they are childfree, parents, gay or straight, aitheists or Christians.

Frieda you said, "Besides, why should we feel bad for responding? She obviously was trying to incite a reaction." Is that what you think when someone states something different than you believe? I am trying to explain how semantics are interpreted, and as a teacher, Inglebert, I feel that you must agree about how generalized words like EVERYBODY can affect people. I certainly am NOT trying to start anything OR incite a reaction, but it seems that a few people misunderstood what could make many people upset over Yehonala's first few words.

Carenedy apologized for her remarks and I think that we should try to be charitable (especially this time of year) and forgive and forget, don't all of you? oops, don't SOME of you? (said with a definite smile, to make a point). We really need to watch the words we use and the way we say things.

I consider ALL of you my friends and I hope that you all feel the same way, even if you don't agree with EVERYTHING that I ALWAYS say.

Trish

Vance, you made some excellent points and I know that I agree with you when you said, "They said they wished they had more parents like us to deal with." I wish there were more people like you, too.

I agree with what you said, "There is an attitude with some parents that when they send their kids off to school that "they are the school's problems now" and parents do not like to hear that their child is disrupting the class or bullying other students but it is a sad fact that they are and that behavior does start in the home. When our children were struggling with work or not completely finishing homework or whatever, we changed the rules around here."

Yes, I wish more parents like you! When you acknowledged that, "Teaching is a hard enough job without having to do the parents' job as well", you were absolutley right. It is a parent's responsiblity but many teachers also have that responsibility. There are SOME parents who don't do a good job at parenting and there are some kids that are incorrigible, but teachers teach because they love it. They must love it because they will never get rich or famous for doing it.

Trish