BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "I couldn't imagine life without them"...

On the "unnatural" topic: How come it isn't "unnatural" to use condoms, or the pill, or whatever birth control method these so very natural people use? When the unnatural card gets played I'll tell them that perhaps what's natural is to have 14 children, like my poor grandmother did. They had no birth control methods available in the backlands of my country in 1906. And yet she was aware of the days when she was most fertile, and tried to avoid intercourse with my grandfather on those days, but it didn't always work. Which is why she didn't have 21 kids, like their neighbors did. Family planning is natural as long as it doesn't go below 1 child? Who decided that? It's so arbitrary. Perhaps when they ask me "No children? Why?" I'll ask "You only have 2? Why not more?" Or, better yet: "I didn't have children for many of the reasons YOU didn't have MORE children."

I don't understand the "I can't imagine life without them" comment. How can you not? As one poster pointed out, there was a time when parents weren't parents. Babies are not born with babies of their own. Really it's just another excuse parents use. People often feel defensive at the notion of a different lifestyle than their own, and I think that is one of the excuses parents use to justify their choice (or oops, in many cases). Some people need to understand that a different life choice is not an attack to their own choices.

And for the unnatural excuse...there are very few things humans do anymore that is natural.

I have posted here before. I have children and feel that I am blessed by having them. My life has been different and better for me because I chose to have children. HOWEVER, this was a choice, and I will defend any other woman's right to make her own choice. NO woman should feel forced or bullied into having children that she doesn't want. She should be able to live life on her own terms.

Truly blessed is the woman who knows what she wants in life and makes her life into that design.

Not all women with children are narrow minded. I salute those women who know what they want and how they want to live their lives.

Connie,

Thank you for your comments and understanding. I wish everyone agreed with your, no matter if the issue is kids or any other lifestyle choice.

I think the point of this particular forum is being missed Databit.

First, no one has all the answers, blessings or not, really what those things are, are your opinion, not necessarily "blessings"

For instance the many people who do spin out children only to subdue them with cough medicine or eliminate them altogether (sad as that may seem). To them children were too much for them to handle but their bodies did reproduce.


The men and women of this forum understand they may not go along with the expectations of what other people think and are at least willing to bare their emotions vulnerably in hopes their pain may help someone else.

I live in a community where children are utilized, but not as a blessing so much than an increase in welfare benefits. I've seen women whos children grow up, leave the nest and feel they are nothing and simply want to extinguish themselves. Life is a blessing whether you multiply or not.

People who understand they may not be cut out for child rearing, well, that could be a blessing rather than the alternative...

Blessings speak internally to the individual themself, as so does religion, God, what motivates someone or doesn't.

Just because you can reproduce, doesn't necessarily mean your talent lies in that area, and just maye those that don't will be there to pick up the pieces for the children who's parents got caught up in the moment but found it to be much more than they could handle.

We're kind of all in this thing together, whether we feel we've got all the answers for everybody else or not. We don't and that's the point. We're all figuring out what works, as a team.

Connie makes a good point. I respect people's decision to have children (even if they weren't planned, they probably still had a choice at one point). I wish to have my decision respected as well. And I won't settle for less. I wasn't planned, even though my parents had been married for 3 years. And during those years, my mother got bullied by my verbally abusive grandmother (her mother-in-law), who told her she was selfish, and even sort of tried to "cast a hex" on her, saying that when she did decide to have children, they would all be born without eyes (WTF, right?! We don't believe in hexes and whatnot, but how awful is it to say that?! To your daughter-in-law nonetheless!). Then, after I was born, my parents decided to have no more kids, they were happy with one. Guess what? More bullying, more "an only child is unnatural" and "she'll be a spoiled brat", and "a person needs siblings in life"... Hey, I'm fine without siblings, but I'm sure I'd be fine if I had them too, as would my parents be as fine being a CF couple as they are fine having one child, and would be fine if they had more. Point is, "can't imagine life without them"? Well, I can't imagine why people are such nosy jerks, and I think they should mind their own business.

I agree with Solalux, many religious zealots consider being child-free unnatural. I've been called "weird" and "unnatural" more often than I care to count. Because, one I'm child-free and two I am homosexual. I try not to parade the latter around, although I have no shame attached to being either child-free or homosexual. I don't think being child-free or being homosexual is "unnatural" i think that the only thing "unnatural" is aiming to be someone you're not to make the rest of the world accept you. To me that's "unnatural", be who you are, be proud of it, and no sense in letting the world dictate your life for you.

You are so right Jen. When you are not true to your self then you are bound to lead an unhappy life. Diversity is what makes life grand. What a boring world it would be if every one tried to be just like everyone else.

DataBit, you are the prime example of the type of ignorant, narrowminded and (probably) religiously bigoted person most of us visit this forum to get away from. Please note the rules of this forum require you to be SUPPORTIVE of our lifestyle CHOICE to remain childfree, so stop coming on here and spouting your moralistic cr*p from the dark ages. There are plenty of other forums where your views would be celebrated by your fellow lunatics, so do us all a favour and keep yourself confined to those, PLEASE! Grrr.