I must say there is some really good advice here. And I had one thought as I was reading everyones posts... Have you considered the fact that your husband may already know of your affair? Or at least be suspicious of it and that may be causing or at least adding to your disconnect? And the other thought popped into mind as well, if you guys are that disconnected, he may be having an affair as well? I mean, there are so many different things that COULD happen or whatever but in my opinion, I think you should be honest with him. As difficult as that would be I think that's the right thing to do. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 2 years old and he didn't tell her for 8 years. He felt nothing but shame and guilt for 8 LOOONG years. Their marriage started falling apart, drinking started, a LOOONG depression he went through, multiple suicide attempts, his guilt was THAT bad that he thought it would be better if he just ended his life. And how awful would that have been? For him to have kept is secret and killed himself. The PAIN my mother would have felt if he ended his life for some unknown reason... or for him to come clean and end the marriage. Needless to say, he told her.. they continued the marriage for 10 more years... separated after 17 years.. divorced after 20 years of marriage. They did the counseling thing.. but the problem with that (for them) was that he continued cheating and kept lying. He didn't put away his past. That's why it ended. If he has stayed true from his confession on, they may still be together.... he says his biggest mistake was telling her.. and that tells me that he wasn't really sorry for cheating. If he was, then his biggest mistake would have been his infidelity, not his confession. And I can tell by the way you write, that you are sorry. And if you truly are, then I think you know what you need to do.
Anyways, I dont know if that helps you at all, but I think it would be better for both of you if you came clean AND ENDED it with the other guy. And then serious councelling.
I know you said your hubby isnt interested in councelling but maybe he really wants it and is just scared. Men dont like sharing their feelings like women do. Of course he doesnt want to deal with these issues you two have. Dealing with it means pain, anger, sadness etc (for the time being) but it also means healing. Perhaps you could consider counceling for just you. Maybe a councellor could help you make a better decision. And if hubby sees that councelling is helping YOU then he may find some interest.
I hope this works out the way you want. But you really do need to end this emotional tie with this other guy. Why don't you cancel your cell phone, or change your number or something so you cant text him anymore.
Good luck
Last edited by lala21; 11/03/07 02:34 AM.
