BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Feeling like an outsider

Hi always_outside, I am new to this forum too, and also new to the CF idea.
I am 34 and I know how you feel! ALL my friends have had babies, or are pregnant or are trying!(infact i was just visiting a friend yesterday who has a 3 week old baby)
I live in Switzerland, and am also feeling isolated. But i just keep reading CF sites and books and I keep myself busy, so i won't feel so "alone" in this journey.
I find my friends with kids, still want to socialise with me. And I try as much as possible to keep in contact with them. I have no problem with being with their kids. And I find they sometimes appreciate me still wanting to spend time with them!
but each to his own. If you don't feel you have anything more incommon with them, then maybe you can try to "search" for other CF people in your area?
I find most of my CF friends are the ones who are a little older or who are single.
good luck and don't despair, i used to think i was the only one too and now I find that there are ALOT of us who are happy and CF!!

I think this forum is unique - it's so refreshing to open up about such a personal topic. I know it's usually a topic avoided because you're not quite sure of other people's position - are they CF or childless? I have actually never asked anyone whether they plan to have kids or why they don't have kids - I hated those enquiries and simply respect other people's privacy. Having said that, it's great to discuss the topic in this forum.
I was approached by one of my workmates recently - she has only been with us a short time - she half heartedly raised the question of kids and made a comment about "feeling weird" - turns out she is CF and feeling a bit overwhelmed - several PA's are currently pregnant and two more are on maternity leave - she is so tired of the baby talk - she suspected I was CF but didn't want to be rude or intrusive - we had a great chat. Sometimes that support is missing because we're a minority group and to some degree live under the cone of silence.
She was dreading a lunch tomorrow - farewelling one of the expectant mothers but wasn't sure how to get out of it - easy, she's having lunch with me - a nice CF lunch!

I also live in the Dallas Ft. Worth area and can relate to feeling a bit left out. Now that I am 46 I am finding that those feelings are not so strong. They come and go. Many of my friends are busy planning weddings or getting ready to send their kids off to college. I have found that getting involved in something you are interested in helps in finding new friends.

This Forum has really helped also to know that you are not alone in the path that you have chosen.

This forum is better than seeing a psychiatrist! My DH keeps laughing at me because I've been on this site almost all day, reading post after post. It's like I'm addicted. I guess when you finally find an "out" and people you can relate to, you just want more and more. I love it!

I also feel that way - thank god for this forum! What I really like is that the people here are from all over the world. I think that's really cool. We're like CF ambassadors!

Same here! Yay!

always outside, that is so funny about it being better than a psychiatrist. I was trying to go that route before finding the forum, and now don't feel the need as much.

I did try talking about it to one therapist, but she was a mother, so it ended up making me feel worse, and led right into a huge fight with my husband. Didn't seem very helpful, and made me feel like the topic is so loaded that not even a therapist can be trusted to be objective about it, especially if they're not CF (doctors too). The search to find one seems daunting, and what's more, I find it even harder not to doubt myself if someone I see as an authority tells me I'm missing out.

Thanks for listening everyone and sharing your stories!

Yeah, I went to a good therapist, but she was a mom of two kids and it made me feel very uncomfortable. She didn't make me feel that way, but I felt like I couldn't be as open with her about the no kids issue. And I really liked her and told her a lot, but for some reason it made me feel ashamed of myself to say to a mom that I don't want kids.

I'm curious guys, do you have people with kids saying or believing that something is WRONG with you psychologically and thats why you don't want children and you just need to work past it so you can be like everyone else?

I have been single for 5 years since my divorce, I don't even date. People are always telling me I need to work past it and get back out there and date. I have tried to tell them I really don't want to. I have other things to concentrate on but they seem to think I need to live the same life they are living.

My friends don't accuse me of needing psychological help about my decision not to have kids, but they do accuse me of not being ready yet and try talking me into having a kid. It's really annoying. How would they feel if I said, "No!! Don't have a kid! Stop trying to get pregnant! It's such a bad idea!!" They would probably quit calling me in an instant. But it's basically what they're doing to me!

No, no-one suggested I see a psychologist or the like - it was more comments like - "oh, you wait, you'll change your mind", or "wait until your biological clock starts ticking", or "you don't fool me" - patronizing stuff - like I didn't know my own mind or I was fighting an overwhelming force, a losing battle. Or just trying to convince me that I should just do it....the "missing out" & "you'll have regrets later" speeches.
More that sort of thing....