BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Lucky, I guess?

I'm 37, and since I've never wavered in my stance, I'm getting more accepting but curious questions, the other day one of my friends from work (who has two kids) asked me "So you really don't want babies?" I told her I just don't have that maternal drive, and I feel that you should really want kids to have them. She loves her sons of course, but today she got off the phone and gave a frustrated grunt, and said "I hate the tattling!" (Apparently one of her sons called to tattle on the other.) I said "And you wonder why I don't want any!", with a smile.

Cindy

I don't get it as much from my MIL as I did three years ago. I guess telling her that if I got pregnant I'd have an abortion shut her up GOOD! Haha!

I get it from the ladies at work. But I am saving my good lines "when I get tired of all this freedom" (thank you, Sarah Silverman) for when the MIL starts up again.

Thankfully my mother is my biggest supporter on the not having kids thing. My father used to drop elephant sized hints all the time, but that stopped when I was in my 30's and defiantly divorced and happy - I guess he just gave up :-) Although now he has the great-grandkid to visit every weekend and fuss over, so the pressure is definitely off there!

Interestingly enough, when I was dating the ex, his parents (Catholics, no less!) were pretty cool with it too. They totally saw it as my life and my choice, they were well aware of my thoughts and never pushed it at all. In fact when we broke up and he phoned them to tell them, the first thing his mother said was "aren't there enough babies in the world already?" I'd guess that wasn't the reaction he was hoping for!!

Not that any of it matters. None of these people are going to be helping me out at 3am with a sick kid, so they can all just get over it.

Same thing for us Rogue. I get pressure more by friends than family. Sometimes I swear if I hear the question "Why don't you want kids?" again at the wrong particular time I'm going to lose it. My parents and his parents don't bother us about it; and neither of our parents will ever be grandparents without our help. I feel kind of bad about that, but what can you do. I know they feel left out in regards to their friends because they don't have grandchildren to brag about.

My colleagues are a pain, my friends and family are totally cool with it!
On one hand it really annoys me cos I feel like saying to my colleagues "My family and friends who REALLY know me, KNOW that I don't want kids and it's not for me and they're fine with it. You are JUST colleagues, so what's YOUR problem?"
On the OTHER hand, I am VERY lucky that family and friends don't hassle me.
I think my mother got that I didn't want kids a LOONNNGG time ago!
That doesn't mean we haven't/don't clash/ed on OTHER issues though!
Where I am VERY lucky is...
That although my husband and I are both the eldest one, both our younger brothers are married and both had children and BOTH had a boy and a girl! (Plus my brother has another son too.) SO we DON'T have that "Make us grandparents" thing from EITHER side --- PHEW!

I wish I was lucky. I just posted about my SO's mom (We are not even married...sigh...after we get married I'm sure the hounding from all will get much, much worse!) Anyway, she was asked by my SO to stop making baby comments, and she did stop, until this past weekend. The hounding is annoying, it's rude, and uncalled for. Anyone who has understanding relatives is very, very lucky...I'm just lucky to have this board to sound off on!

I was at my therapist yesterday, and I told him that my mom is still waiting every day for me to say I am pregnant.
He said "She is in denial - that is her problem, not yours."

I love her so much and I hate it that she is in denial but she will never accept this decision of mine.

I think the problem Billiecat is that some mothers live for their children - they sort of live vicariously through their kids - particularly the Mums that dedicated their lives to raising children - their kids are their entire focus. Some of these women dread their kids leaving home and becoming independent.
I make no criticism of full time Mums - that's a personal choice and most do a great job.
I think these women need to acknowledge though, that they have raised their kids and now its their time in the sun - they should get busy with their lives, take up new interests, travel, study, whatever...
No-one has the right to put pressure on you to live a life not of your choosing.
My mother had 5 kids - she loves kids but has never put pressure on anyone to have kids - she says it's none of her business, she would never presume to tell other people how to live their lives.
How lucky am I....

My husband and I are 39 and have been married 13 years. After we first got married, we received baby clothes, bottles and diapers as joke Christmas gifts for several years. Everyone got a big hoot out of that and waited expectantly (no pun intended!) for the next several years for the big announcement. Well, apparently they got tired of waiting because we haven't got any of these baby boxes in all most a decade!

My mom has mixed feelings about our choice . . . she always really wanted children and I think that it's hard for her to understand why I don't. Although she has 11 grandchildren already, she says that your daughter having children is different than your sons. On the other hand, since my brothers have pretty much treated her like [censored] most of their lives, she also says that not having children can spare you alot of heartache.

My FIL and MIL have been great, especially considering their circumstances. My DH siblings are in their 30s and 40s, unmarried and uninterested in having kids, so the chances that my FIL and MIL are going to be grandparents is pretty slim. I know that they would love to be, but to their credit, in the 18 years I've known them they've never asked or commented.

I am also fortunate in my work situation . . . I work in an office of 10, all women except one and all in our 30s . . . and only one of the 10 has kids! Definitely a statistical anomaly.

I count my blessings every day not to be continually challenged in my choice, which I realize is a real challenge for some who've chose CF.