BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Your the only one I ever met who doesnt want kids

Alot of people do not understand that if someone wants children, then they have wanted them from a very early age. I know when I was a kid I always said I couldn't wait to grow up and be married and raise a family. I did that and I haven't regretted doing it. I love my children and am very happy to have them.

I was part of a conversation once where a friend of mine, who also has children was talking to a CF friend of ours while I was there and the topic of children came up and when the CF person said she didn't want any kids because she didn't feel she had the maternal instinct, our friend told her not to worry about that because it comes natural.

I spoke up and said, "Bull." If someone feels that they do not have maternal or paternal instincts, then chances are they don't and it will not come natural to someone. As I said, it basically has to be a lifelong ambition to have children for it to happen properly.

As many parents can attest to, raising a child or children is the hardest thing to do in the world. It is time consuming, money consuming and basically you lose any freedoms that you had before children came into the picture. You have to be willing to accept this when you decide you want to raise children.

When a couple with children ask you why you are not wanting children, ask them, "Hey we are going to dinner and the movies tonight. Want to come along?"

"No, we can't. We have the children or we can't afford it tonight" then simply respond with, "See?"

Vance, you nailed it here (for me). My earliest memories of considering the issue I could not fathom, at the age of 7 or 8, why in the world anyone would want to be a parent. To me it seemed like a thankless job. I remember discussing it with my mom, and her saying, "It's different when they're you're own." But I could never relate to that. I babysat, worked in a daycare for a summer, hung around my friends who had kids, all with the underlying feeling that I needed to see for myself what it's really like, and whether I would really change that much that it would be enjoyable for me. I've come to the conclusion that it IS possible that I would get a lot out of it, but that it's very risky and stressful. Since my husband and I have fertility issues, it's made the decision for us in some ways, though we could spend gobs of money to try and force it to happen. But, after thinking deeply about it, and being on this forum, reading mom blogs ( a therapist recommended that and it was really helpful) I've realized I'm still that same person as the 7 year old who asked that question, and no good answer has arisen.

I understand that feeling of people pointing fingers (at least it feels that way) and talking to you like you're a weirdo for not wanting kids. Shame on those people! We're not bad people...We just have different viewpoints.

I guess over the years, I've cared less and less what people like that (the finger pointers) think. I'm happy with myself and my life choices, and if they need validation for their choices by demeaning others, maybe they aren't too secure with their own decisions, you know? I've been the "weirdo" for years now and I like it! I've found that my real friends, though they may not understand me, accept me for who I am.

Cindy

That is so true Cookiecody - you do care less as you get older.
I suppose that point is different for everyone...but now I'm in my late 40s I really couldn't care less what people think.
As a younger woman they somehow managed to get to me from time to time.