BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Child substitutes...

My mom have a grand dog and a son that is a dog. I think she likes him more then me but I like my *son* better the a Braty anyday....that is not to call myself a brat or anything though..... (oops)

Although I call my kitty "my baby" sometimes, I never consider her a child substitute. She's my little buddy, my sweetie, my companion. But I don't feel like I have any "hole to fill." She's not a kid...she's better! :-)

My mom had gotten mad at me for calling my pets babies - she said "Oh that is cute and everything but come on!"
She is always pestering me about having a baby. I have been having hormonal problems that last few months and I finally decided to go in for an endometrial biopsy, to check for polyps, cancer, etc. She mentions to me "Oh I hope it isn't a hormonal problem because then you would have trouble being pregnant".
She still believes it is going to happen.

Anyway, Jez you are correct, the pets are better than kids because they always stay small and sweet and never hurt your feelings like kids do!

I forgot to mention, my dad called the dog I rescued and lives in my parents home his grandchild. My mom shot me the dirtiest look!

I am so glad you raised this. I get really mad about this issue, ie just because I really care about my cat and her wellbeing, some people assume I view her as a child substitute. I do not - I just love all creatures and have the utmost respect for animals. I never use the word "cute" in reference to them because I hate that "cute" cliche as applied to babies and animals. I think pets are wonderful and delightful and enchanting - not "cute".

I was expressing some of my delight over Phoebe to my mother on the phone one day (it was such an achievement to me and no mean feat to bring this scared little cat out of her timid shell and watch her personality blossom) and she sort of laughed in a condesending way as if she were rolling her eyes and said "your baby"...the message being that I was way too obsessed with this cat. I found that very frustrating but I let it go.

No-one in my family is the least bit sentimental about, or understanding of, animals, so of course I am sure they think my cat is my "substitute". My oldest sister (who is lovely and raised two amazingly mature and bright boys) is very scathing of people and their pets. When she and my BIL moved back here from their farm 5 hours drive away, they simply plonked the cat in the passenger seat of their truck with my BIL, and when they arrived just deposited it in the garden of their new house while they unpacked. (!!!!) Somehow the cat worked out what it was supposed to do, despite having only ever experienced the farm previously. I had the utmost admiration for that cat. My other sister is awful about animals. She got a cat for the benefit of my niece, called it a really "cute" name - Lulubelle - and then failed to give it any love or attention (just fed it). Lulubelle disappeared nobody knows where and she still jokes about how the cat went to find a better family. She finds that very amusing.

Anyway, I am very careful to only talk cat stuff with people who understand, so as not to give people the satisfaction of thinking I am playing out my maternal urges on my pet. I do not see Phoebe as a child substitute - for sure when I got her it was nice to have a little being around to care about and who depended on me, and who snuggled into me at night (I was single at the time), but really DH and I both now love having her around - she's playful, affectionate, fascinating to observe and makes us feel relaxed. And I always feel relieved that she found me and doesn't have to live as a stray any more.

Pets are relaxing, aren't they? I mean, sure, you can have a pet from hell too .....highstrung, aggressive, whatever.....but more times than not it is just wonderful to have them around.....even when you are just watching T.V. and they are sleeping peacefully nearby.

Exactly! There's nothing like a cat curled up or stretched out on the floor. It just calms everything down.

I'm probably goona catch hell for this, but I do not find sleeping babies or kids particularly wonderful or sweet. I get no satisfaction from it other than they are asleep and not pestering me. (It's the same way when I pass a toddler's clothing display....no "isn't that adorable" from me) Pets are just a different story. They accept you for who you are. And thet are usually very happy to see you when you come home! No, they are not child substitutes, and I would never refer to them as kids, children, "precious", "love" or anything like that. But the amount of effort you put into their lives is rewarded tenfold in the amount of satisfaction, devotion and happiness they return. Call me what you will. That is just how I feel .

When I was growing up we always had pets but my dedication was not the same as my Parents. My Dad was raised on a farm and didn't think much of having animals in the house, My Mom was very likely to get sick of our pet at the time and give it away and I would come home to find the family dog gone for no apparent reason.

I was never allowed to have more then one cat at a time. SO when I got old enough to be out on my own, I have always had 2-3 cats at a time, they're like potato chips, you can't stop at just one.

I have been constantly harassed by my Mother that I love my pets more then I do people. BUT who was there when I drove myself home from the doctors office after being tested for cervical cancer, sicker then a dog and more frightened then I had every been in my life? In spite of the fact my family knew about it, they were not there, my beloved pets were there AND made me laugh at their antics. When I went to bed to cry myself to sleep, it was my cats who were with me. No one else was there to hold my hand.

Lisa, thank you for the reaffirmation. Again, I'm not saying pets are substitutes for human interaction. But they KNOW. They know when you are ill or depressed or something is wrong. And they always come to your rescue in whatever little way they can.