BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Fun!

There where three nuns who never did anything wrong. One day the high priest came to them and told them that in order to become better nuns they had to do something bad and then drink from the holy water. So the three nuns went out that same day and did something wrong. The first nun came and the high priest asked her what she did wrong. " I took a lollipop from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then the second one came back and the high priest asked her what she did wrong, she said " I took a balloon from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then came the third. "What did you do wrong?" asked the high priest. " Well", she said," I peed in the holy water."

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized
halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was
about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come
to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were
not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they
discussed their predicament in great depth.

Finally the priest said to the nun, "You know, Sister, I am about to
die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth -- to
see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can
look at you?"

The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to
take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "Well,
Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked,
either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"

With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun
exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your
legs?"

The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If
I put it in you, it creates a new life."

"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!"

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The
mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very
serious frown on her face. She began to speak...

Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here,
yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: Today I found a pair of men's underwear.
99 nuns: Oh,no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee,hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!.....

Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate.

"Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's -----!"

Don't worry, says St. Peter, go wash your eyes in that holy water and your sin will be forgiven.

The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a man's ------!"

Ohhh, says St. Peter, that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven...

...meanwhile, in the backround the THIRD and FOURTH nuns are
going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem, that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St. Peter.

"Well," says the FOURTH nun, "there is NO WAY I am going to gargle with that holy water after HER ------ has been in it!!!"

I like nun jokes.

A man riding his motorcycle was riding along a California beach highway when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I Wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she Feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Holly, that was a great joke!