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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079
Parakeet
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OP
Parakeet
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079 |
[size:11pt]Seth,
First-you say you're married 27 years. Was your wife always not interested?
Second-if you answer yes to the first she may have been brought up in a household or religion which makes women think that "nice girls don't do those things."
Third-is she going through bodily changes? e.g. menopause or peri-menopause? Those can be helped by a frank discussion with a ob/gyn. Is she suffering from depression or on anti-depression drugs? Certain meds can stop sexual desire.
Fourth-had she ever been molested as a child? That never goes away without some sort of counseling.
Please make a time to openly discuss all the above with her. Tell her this is an important part of marriage.[/size]
Last edited by kristen houghton; 09/22/07 09:19 AM.
"Allow your dreams to become your plans."
Kristen
Kristen Houghton
Author and Relationship Writer
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 42
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 42 |
Lisa_Orlando,
The definition of a "good enough" sex life is what I am struggling with at the moment and from this post you seem like you might have some insight for me in this area.
Background--I am engaged and my guy and I have been together for a little over a year. We are very attracted to each other and personality wise, he is amazing too. However, our sex drives differ a bit (I would prefer almost every day, he's 2-3 times a week) but more importantly our preferred style of sex differs. I want to take lots of time for foreplay--kissing, caressing, etc. and while he will indulge me in these activities sometimes, I know he prefers getting down to business much more quickly. We have had some arguements about this. He says I should be willing to compromise and do it "his" way sometimes just as he does for me. Is this issue a matter of how women are wired vs. men? Is it realistic to "compromise" in this area for one another? Am I just being high matienence expecting long passionate lovemaking 90% of the time? Some advice would really be appreciated!
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142
Koala
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Koala
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142 |
men are blow torches and women are like ovens slow to heat up!! If it takes you a while to heat up he should understand that you could compromise this way if he wants sex 2 or 3 times a week and you want more then somenights are for play for you and somenights are for sex for him.
it is a women wired different then men thing but if he doesnt like forplay and you need it then he will not make you a good lover he will feel put upon and like he has to do a chore or something...
some men learned that parents dont aprove of ah masterbation so they learned to quickly get there and get it over with! some carry this thought into there relationships and never get past the well I got there whats your problem? also most boys masterbater before they go to bed because they learned they are lesslikely to get caught and they fall asleep after. this set up the sex-sleep cycle most men have. for most women sex is a physical emotional mental release and they talk and babble happily away but men it is just physical then they relax and go to sleep...
I read that in a book....
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998 |
Someone once said that when your sex life is good, it's 5% of the marriage. When it's bad, it's 95%.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 371
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 371 |
Sex for a male should be about pleasing their partner...and of course the vice versa applies. As a male, I've found that if my focus is on pleasing my partner, sex is more enjoyable, more satisfying, and more often.
A simple rule my father mentioned once when I was younger..."the more your wife enjoys sex, the more you get it, win win"
Skeeter
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 99
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 99 |
Married sex is one thind that makes the "husband and wife relationship" different from all the other relationships each of you currently have...friendships, coworkers, etc. It is important!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7
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Newbie
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7 |
A great sex life is the glue that bonds relationships and marriages IMO - if neither of you have interest then you have no idea what you can miss out on. And ladies just because we married them doesnt mean our job is done - you should enjoy one another in intimate ways, relax, its in your own privacy ~ adding interest to a marriage should be done often - as your marrige grows we think most often your sex life enhances. Just enjoy it - its a wonderful thing. It also releives stress :-)
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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Newbie
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1 |
Wow, Someone who is finally close to were I am. I am married 26 years and my husband is one who doesn't want sex. I too take my vows seriously but how long do I have to be unhappy? I feel dirty when I have to masterbate. But I need the release and pleasure that masterbating gives. My husband is a dieabetic and hasn't had an hard enough erection for lovemaking in 3.5 years. He even falls asleept on the couch two - four times during the week watching TV and then telling me he didn't realize he was that tired. Stupid I am not. He keeps telling me he is going to tell the doctor about HIS problem but it never happens. I try and pretend to him that all will be ok but, I want him to take care of this problem and because I am that supportive women he feels its no big deal. He knows I will never cheat on him because of our children. I have to say that I am getting closer and closer of changing my mind. Is this what I have to look forward to as we grow old? I want to me held and kissed softly and touched lovingly. HELP
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079
Parakeet
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OP
Parakeet
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079 |
FaithAnn,
Sex is a very necessary part of any relationship. Your husband is not facing the real issue here. You need to talk to him now and do not take any excuses he may use such as "we'll talk later" or "You don't understand." There is no later, there is no misunderstanding; there is now.
You need to tell him, not ask him, to go to a doctor. You need to tell him that you need and want sexual activity and caressing from him. Tell him that frankly you are getting desperate and that he needs to take the first step by going to a doctor with you there with him. His main doctor should be first followed by a trip to a urologist.
As far as masturbation, there is nothing wrong or dirty about it. It is a "use it or lose it" situation and you need the release. Only religions say it is "dirty." And only some religions and small-minded society think women "of a certain age" no longer desire sex. THAT is nonsense!
Talk to your husband tonight!
Good luck!
Last edited by kristen houghton; 01/23/08 08:15 PM.
"Allow your dreams to become your plans."
Kristen
Kristen Houghton
Author and Relationship Writer
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142
Koala
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Koala
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142 |
the link you posted has this message Sorry.
BellaOnline Logon Error
The BellaOnline Administration Area is for active BellaOnline editors only.
All screens and code c 2008 Minerva Webworks LLC
All content is always copyright the original author
Last edited by kristen houghton; 01/22/08 05:53 PM.
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