BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree? Don't Brag About It

I just ran across these quotes...

Your time is limited, so don�t waste it living someone else�s life. Don�t be trapped by dogma � which is living with the results of other people�s thinking. Don�t let the noise of other�s opinions drown out your own inner voice.
- Steve Jobs

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
- Carl Sandburg

good ones! so true!

Like I said before both our younger brothers have kids so as far as family no problem there thank goodness.
The only time I felt guilty for lack of a better word was when a colleague who is 45 and has no kids (and would quite like them) asked if me and my hubby wanted kids or not. Normally I would have said no but I'd just been told the day before (or same day?) by the catholic mother of three that people who don't have kids are selfish rant rant rant so I was a bit wary!! (Cos they work together even more than we do!

So I said we'll see.
And she said more of less she can't have them really now, there isn't even anyone to help raise them and she doesn't want to be a single mum. And she said but we have plenty of time (in our 30s) to decide.

And I felt bad. I wanted to tell her the truth but I was scared it would get back to mother of three (who sort of knows but likes to think we'll change our mind) and I just couldn't take anymore of her [censored]!

But then again if the subject comes up again maybe I should mention we don't want them, it might not hurt her to see that you can still have a great life.

But I think she DOES have a great life! Good career, her own house, nice travels, some interests and so on.

If I was closer to her I think I would have said. Maybe I will.

I also have a friend I see sometimes who knows I don't want kids (but thinks I'd be a great mum) and she I think does.

One day she said "I see all these women in their 30s with their babies (she too is in her 30s) and think what have am I doing with my life."
HELLO! This girl has three houses she's invested in herself, she travels round Europe with her job, has a diploma, lovely company car, a lot of guys apparently falling over her and a good social life!!

Yes she wants to settle down but frankly I think her desperation too is what drives them away!

ANYWAY, so this is what she said she is the same age as them, no baby, thinks she's wasting her life.

I turned to her and said "You have a GREAT life! Plus you and I because we DON'T have babies probably have more time, energy AND money than THEY do!"

Betafied, firstly I am sorry you have been through this, it must be awful for you.

Secondly, yes some of us are childfree fully by choice, but others are childfree partially by chance.
There ARE people who had fertility problems and eventually decided to be happy with their childfree life even though of course it was NOT initially what they wanted AT all.

Some people who write childfree blogs or forums are in this situation themselves! and write about it!

Anyway, you are more than welcome here!!!

Thank you so much for the warm welcome everyone.. Indeed, I do not feel alone here.. Thank you so much..

I agree on the baby shower thingy.. However, I did have to attend this one.. It was just very difficult for me as my sister-in-law tended to gloat about the fact that she was bearing the first grandchild and dug the knife in even deeper when she would call and ask, "Before you lost your babies, did your breasts hurt? Before you lost your babies, did your hips hurt?" Let's just say that it was a very long, tear filled nine months, but I adore my precious baby niece and feel a bit guilty when I say that I am so happy to have her come over and to also happy to be able to send her back home to Mom and Dad. lol

Although it has taken some time, tears, soul searching and coming to terms, I am convinced that our Creator kept me kid free for a reason.. Being CF has also allowed me to take care of my parents, both of whom are very ill. Besides, the world in the mess that it is, I wouldn't feel right bringing another life into it.

Well after five miscarriages out of five attempts and then the removal of my child bearing apparatus, I got the creeping feeling that the universe was sending me a very clear and distinct message.

But I never really wanted to be a mother anyway. I think it's something you absolutely have to want with everything you have. I just never quite felt that ardent. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure if any one of those miscarriages had grown into my child I would have adapted. Well, hopefully.

Today I'm 36 and child-free. My life circumstances are such that I can barely take care of myself, let alone a Mini Me. I can't say I feel any kind of a yearning when I see a mother and a child, but I understand why someone might. Myself, I like the volunteer work I do with shelter dogs. Someone's got to pitch in outside the womb, right?

Incidentally, my sister is about to turn 26 and she has come to the absolute conclusion that she does not any kids. I suppose that's subject to change, but she very clearly has given the matter a lot of thought and her reasons are tight.

So let us be non-birthing mothers!

Betta, I am very sorry to hear about your situation and about the insensitive comments from your sister-in-law. Reading her comments made me angry-I cannot help but think, did she not know another woman who she could discuss this with?

Your parents are lucky to have you in their life and that you are so willing to take care of them and their needs.

I don't think I feel guilty for not wanting children, more sad than anything else that I cannot bring my parents the happiness they seem to derive from my brother and his wife being pregnant. Also, I have times every few months when I feel very alone and feel I cannot relate to anyone. As I get older, more and more people have kids and I wind up feeling left out. I am lucky though, because I love my job (which ironically is working with kids) and have a great husband and four amazing cats!

OH MY GOD, I am so sorry that you not only have had to deal with the miscarriages but have had to deal with someone throwing it in your face.

There are certain things in life that while I might know someone has been through, I don't bring up for fear of making them feel badly. There are topics that I prefer to let that person bring up IF they feel comfortable. Women can be such bitches.

Betta, whoever said "Isn't it something how your Mother's youngest is the first to give her a grandchild?" is just horrible. It's like saying, "Isn't it something how your Mother's youngest is the first to give her a human sacrifice?"

and your sister-in-law is just ... well, excuse me for saying this, but either a b*tch or hopelessly naive. Either way, I'd say she'll make a lousy mom. she'll suffer immensely when she realizes that she's not at all fit to be a mom. I don't think she's fit to be a normal, decent, caring human being in the first place. It's awful what she said.

You're a super nice person to endure all that and feel guilty about it, as if it's YOUR fault at all. Please don't feel bad. You're not a misfit, in CF or with-child communities. Your family should feel proud to have a daughter like you!

*big hug for you!*

P.S. Your betafish is gorgeous! I once had 2 (separate tanks) too!