BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree? Don't Brag About It

Absolutely agree!! If you're even 1% unsure, don't.

Five miscarriages out of five attempts is a lot! must have been painful, I mean, body and mind ... I'm so glad you're so positive and strong now!

I'd love to do volunteer work with animals too, though I'll prefer cats. ^^

Non-Birthing Mothers! I like that!

As for the sister-in-law, she's suffering big time! She and my brother have raised a little monster who is unruly, dominating, four years old and can't start pre-kindergarten because she's not potty trained.. A little one who is the result of lazy new-age parenting. Their days are filled with horrid, high pitched screaming temper tantrums at the slightest thought that "no" might be the answer. I couldn't imagine myself dealing with a four year old throwing herself to the floor, kicking and screaming first thing in the morning, because I wouldn't let her have candy for breakfast.. Yep, this is a daily occurence.

A good mother, I probably would have been, but the universe had and still has different plans for me. I helped my Mom raise my siblings, when she was battling ovarian cancer. I've been a live-in nanny, Mommy to animals and in some ways, I feel that I truly am a non-birthing Mother. Until someone smears it like ca-ca in your face, CF is free and whole lot of alright.

I applaud you who have made this choice. It's your life to be lived the way that you wish!

kitty12v, my wee fishy friend (Jules) is a gift I received from my sister this past Sunday. I never realized how loving these fish are. They are sooooooo happy to see you, funny to the bone and their personalities are awesome. I especially love the little bubbles he makes, when he's happy..

Bettafied, your brother and sister-in-law weren't removed from an airplane with their little darling a few months ago, were they? Sounds like their kiddo could have fit that description! LOL!

I love bettas too, I have one at work that I think I've had almost three years. He's old but he keeps hanging on! He gets lots of attention and concern from coworkers. "Is your fish dead?" they ask when he's resting near the bottom of his bowl. Uh...no!

Cindy

Thanks for posting my article. Very interested to read the responses here and just wanted to add my thoughts.

I've never felt guilty about not wanting children when other people do. I don't feel guilty because I don't see it as my problem that infertile women can't have kids, any more than it would be my problem if they can.

How does my not having kids make it any easier for them - except to make them feel better about mortaging their lives to the search for a child via IVF?

I've never met a childed person yet who feels guilty about telling me about their ability to reproduce. So, since I'm happy with my choice and it's right for me why should I feel guilty? Judging by some of the responses on my blog, for infertile couples to hear about childfree living and options is a good thing. It gives them alternatives other than the "must have a child to feel like/prove I'm a real woman" option. Might help them find peace... as well as save themselves a lot of money.

Again, from comments on my blog I learned that far from infertile couples being upset by childfree people, it is the parents who go on and on talking about their kids and how wonder ful they are. If I was having difficulty getting pregnant it would be that that would be more upsetting.

And let's not forget that some cf people are cf because of being unable to conceive and deciding they'd had enough of the body invasion of IVF.

I think as CF people we should be proud, happy and vocal about being cf rather than adopt society's (or any one else's) guilt or envy. After all it is a strong woman or man who chooses the childfree choice in such an overtly pro-natal society.

This same society needs to see that the childfree choice is real and as valid a choice as any.

Check out this post I just made to CF New England, the site connected to the two CF Meetups I organize:

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Betta,

You've probably already done this, but ---

I've heard that RESOLVE, the infertility organization, has some good resources on "CF after IF".

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With all the mothers in the world she could have asked, she had to ask YOU? How terminally insensitive. I hope you told her so. The mind absolutely boggles.

Theodosia,

Wow. What a progression of events for you. Sounds like you really "dodged a bullet" if you're pretty sure (after all that) that you didn't want parenthood anyway.

Welcome!