BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids And so baby-hell at work begins...

Today is the first full workday after Andy, my co-worker, announced that his wife was pregnant.

Background: Andy and I occupy two small offices, with our own individual doors, at the end of the technology hallway. His office is across the hallway -- if my door is open, I see his door. Everyone else in this office is married with children, except me and the young college kid who works here. I am 40, married and totally CF while Travis, being 20ish, is unattached.

Back to today:

I was working on a project, concentrating on getting it done, when I opened my office door to take a break. I open the door, and this is what I see in Andy's office:

http://www.thebrownhome.org/images/Ack!.jpg

(A doll, and a package of Luvs).

Anyways, ok, I'll keep the door open open for air circulation, I thought. Then about 30 minutes later, I heard the women bantering about babies. Then I heard a baby's cry...(wahhh wah wahhh wahh) -- short bursts, etc, from further down the hallway, with Andy's voice interspersed with them. The women were instructing Andy on how to hold a baby in his arms. I don't know if this infant is real or a doll, but it sounded real -- real enough for me!!!

At that point, I closed the door and turned up some music to drown out the baby waahs. A few minutes later, silence was restored.

These next 9 or so months are going to be hell. I can feel it.

Are there any hints, tips, or tricks that can help with putting up with the occasional bouts of 'baby-mania' that is going to pop up from now on? I realize I can't lock myself away from it totally, but the sounds of that infant this morning sounded like the high-pitched shrill of fingernails being run down a old-fashioned chalk blackboard. (Yes, if you know what I'm talking about, you are my age).

Note: I am not blaming Andy for this -- he never told me about this directly, as he knows that I have no desire for children. The behavior of the women around the office is what I'm going to have to learn tolerance for. I know this behavior won't be all the time, but I know it will pop up from time to time.

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry, from the outside looking in this sounded quite funny. Like a scene from a comedy (or a murder mystery depending on which way you wanted to go). It sounds like you have a pretty laid back office if everyone (almost) is taking time off to talk about baby stuff.

Maybe once the initial excitement of the news wears off things will settle down. At least until the baby is born when I expect they will be even worse.

I think you handled it well. As you said you are a minority. Closing your door and putting on the music are good options. I think anything else would create a rift in the group and since you have to work there every day that may be worse. "This too shall pass." (I keep thinking of a sign on the door "Baby Free Zone") (sorry low blood sugar).

Unless of course you are in a management position and they all work under you. Then I would tell them it's inappropriate for the workplace and to get back to work.

That sounds really bizarre, and inappropriate for the office. Maybe that rag doll was making the noises? He can learn how to hold a baby in his off hours (I know you said he didn't ask for this attention, and I'm sure most men wouldn't welcome this weird behavior.) It just goes to show how lame some people are.

As for advice, I tend to gracefully leave that type of conversation when it surfaces. I'm sure there are some Moms out there that find this kind of behavior weird and annoying, too. So you probably won't be alone (hopefully). I would decline the shower, if you can, because they are awful. If it gets really out of hand, I might find a way to politely say something. Keep us posted.

Sorry, don't know if I made sense. I meant, I tend to get out of the baby conversations somehow. I have nothing to contribute, and beyond congratulations, what else is there to really say?

I know, intellectually, that this is all because of the newness of the announcement. People around here don't get into other people's personal business. This probably was an anomoly, but I needed a place to vent. This same "baby" thing happened to another person in the department last year, but it was someone that I don't see every day (his office is in another building), so I didn't see all of the activities that were done for him (except the baby shower -- I went there not knowing what was involved with that). Me, I'm not going to this upcoming one for Andy -- not even free food there will bribe me.

I'm just not used to such a thing happening to someone close, office-space-wise and work-duty-wise. It's like you want to vent, but there's no one close by wherein you can talk to about it, so I came back "home" wherein I can vent amongst like-minded people.

I do realize that I'll have to grow a thicker skin for this. It is just that a lot of unexpected events all at once can cause stress. The first time, well -- sort of overwhelmed me. I'll be better prepared next time.

Thank you all for the hints -- any extra help is appreciated, as always. I may need some more venting later on, but for now, I'm back to my normal, fun calmness (as can be done while at work before school opens very soonly).

Understood fully.

Really, not much can be said. Personally, I never had the desire to go oohhh and ahhh over a kid, so I don't understand it. Yes, I know I am a male, but I take pride that there are women who think the say way I do. That is what makes this one place great.

(And hopefully, it won't be bouncing up and down like a yoyo anymore too)

Well the good thing is that Andy already knows that you "have no desire for children" so as you say it will probably die down.

Feel free to vent away if you need too. I think venting helps us deal with situations better. Better to vent with people who understand than blow up in someone's face who doesn't.

Hope you have a better week.

Oh my goodness. I do feel for you. I looked at this photo and laughed out loud - in empathy because the whole thing is so hideous.

I work in a tiny, cramped office with a whole lot of people in quite a family atmosphere. Every now and then a baby has been paraded through, usually when I am up to my eyeballs in deadlines. The last time it happened it was my predecessor (a guy) and his wife and their baby boy. They were in the corridor outside my office being cooed at. I just walked past briskly, looked them directly in the eye and said a friendly hi, gave a fond smile to the baby, and then carried on back to my office and got on with my work. I find that brisk efficiency with friendly politeness is a good approach.

I think I am subtly through my body language and response trying to communicate the message "It's very nice to see you, I'm pleased you are happy and have a healthy baby, good for you, now if you'll excuse me I have a life to get on with."

Also, more wickedly, there is a sub-message: "Poor you trapped in the corridor with all those coo-ing women, I'm so glad I am unfettered by such things...byeeee!"

You could have a little bit of fun with that Duane. I can tell you, after a year or so of those suffocating women bringing in their crying dolls, your colleague will be starting to envy you... especially when you come in on Monday mornings raving about your cycling trips...

Yes, those next 9 or so months are going to be hell......for him!

Revenge of the CF...

lol I guess I'm lucky to work with people who are a little more realistic than the average office employee. There are women here who are more against children than I am and make it known for the most part. There are times when an old employee calls and tells everyone they're having a baby. Only a few women get excited about it. Most of us are like, "Okay, that's nice for you I guess."
One thing I love about my office is the atmosphere totally changes when you start talking about teenagers. Babies are okay...but the eyes really start to roll and sounds of frustration are heard when someone mentions their teenage daughter or son. I remember the director saying something along the lines of, "Teenagers...a dreaded curse to us all."

lol. You will appreciate these nine months when the baby is actually born and more gifts pour into the office and the baby starts making appearances and then the pictures start taking over the walls...etc...