BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids She Wants a Baby, He Doesn't...

Go Lynette!

But you're perfectly right!! My ex used to drink his coffee/wine in front of the TV in the basement all the time, and then leave the cups by the couch, even though he had to walk upstairs and past the kitchen to go to bed! The number of times I went over to his place and saw three day old cooking pans on top of the stove ... you have a DISHWASHER, what's so hard about putting them in there???

I'm sure that as a culture we're a lot to blame in that we just don't teach boys to be house proud and independent - or at least not lazy, dirty slobs. These days it seems we don't even teach our girls... much easier for poor overworked mom to do it herself. It might be easier, but the lesson never gets learned.

And if you point any of this out, you're a nag!!

As for the article ... guess she's one of those "if it doesn't have my DNA, I don't want it" moms. Guess she can't really have wanted a kid that badly then.

My husband is just like this too. As much as I wished/prayed/hoped women's lib would benefit me in my married life, I still do the lion's share of household chores. A recent example of this slapped me in the face the other day yet again. We're getting our shower redone, and I overheard the husband-man-child say to the contractor, "She's the one who cleans the shower, so..."

I was [censored]. In our house it's whoever has the least tolerance for scum does the job. The only saving grace is that at least he does all the icky-guy jobs that I don't want to do, so there is a balance of some sort. But I just know know know that if we had a kid the household chores would be multiplied exponentially, but the husband contributions would probably stay the same. I'm not all that eager to sign on for hours more per day on chores. I don't think a lot of women are, hence the popularity of www.truemomconfessions.com. Women hope it will be different, and are somehow taken by surprise when it isn't.

Are we sure we're not just passing around the same guy here? My DH is exactly that way! My favorite was the time he "cleaned the kitchen!" He was SOoooo proud. What he had, in fact, done, was scrub the refrigerator with a toothbrush to within an inch of its life. It was spotless. Sparkling. It looked brand-spanking-new. And the stove, sink, dishes, floor, table, counters were all a disaster! But by golly that fridge was CLEAN!

Another fave was his criticism of my vacuuming. Because of the rabbit fur, he insisted that every room be vacuumed three times, each with a different attachment. I admit, when he did this, it made a huge difference. However, it was the ONLY chore he did. When I vacuumed, it was one of a long list of chores - vacuum, scrub bathrooms, kitchens, mop, dust, etc. So yeah, I only wanted to vacuum once. So sue me. My answer was, if you think I can't do it right, then YOU may do it every time. Then HE was complaining we spent every Saturday morning cleaning.... which (in time) made him agreeable to hiring a cleaning lady - woohoo!!! Ahhh... the joy of being CF and having disposable income.

But seriously - even with the critters, I am the one who takes off work to haul them to the vet, I do medications, I make sure they have food and hay, I make sure they have clean litterboxes, etc. With kids, it would be ten times worse and he knows it.

He did say one day that if we had kids, we'd be divorced. Truer words were never spoken.

I hope I didn't misrepresent my guy, he actually does more than I do b/c he has boundless energy. I'm one of those people that is tired a lot. But the baby thing is a whole other animal. I would never want to find out how much it would suck.

Nah, happy, don't worry about that. I'm the same way - DH does a LOT around our house. It's just usually not the same kind of stuff I would be doing (we have different opinions on what's more important). And he's one of those really smart guys (an engineer) who seems to come up somewhat short in the real-world-common-sense department.

But I do love him! (most days)

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That happens here ALL THE TIME. Usually with his wallet. He likes to tell me that I move his stuff. And if I ask if he's seen something of mine, he'll say no. Usually he's standing right in front of it looking at it. I say did you even look? He gets offended "of COURSE I looked!" He'ls 6'2", so he likes to put stuff away - on top of the fridge. So usually if we can't find something I look on top of the fridge, and it's usually there. :-)

Hey, my guy doesn't even do the guy stuff around the house. We bought a new toilet seat because the enamel was worn off the old one. The new seat sat unwrapped in the kitchen for a week. Guess who got down under the toilet to unscrew the bolts? Oh, and they were stripped, so it took me about an hour to just put on the new seat. It took him weeks to put up one shelf. The only thing he does around the house is wash dishes (he discovered the joy of having no dirty dishes on the counter) and trim the bushes. Which, of course, he doesn't clean up after.

But, I don't really care too much. I can't say anything or else he tells me he does A LOT around the house, and maybe he should stop and I'd see the difference (I have never, ever seen a difference.) It doesn't take too long to clean our house.

The point is, there is NO WAY I could have a kid and do everything. No way. I would refuse to do it.

I'm relieved I'm not the only one. I'm SO jealous Tbunny that you ended up getting a cleaning lady. We've been debating about that one about as long as we've been debating the kid issue! In the end, we both decide that our house is so small it's not worth having to deal with hiring/managing someone...so it's not just him refusing to do it at least. But still, it would be nice, and they always manage to get the house looking cleaner than when I do it somehow.

I'm always wondering what went on in my husband's childhood that led to him having these antiquated expectations of women. And I wonder how it would be in my household if I had a son. I'd be trying so hard to raise him to take an equal part in dealing with the house, but then he'd have my husband as a role model which would shoot the whole plan to smithereens. Good thing we're not having one I guess. I'd probably get through the 20 years of childrearing to end up with a daughter in law who hates me because my son isn't doing enough around the house.

The wallet thing cracked me up Inglibert. At our house it's the glasses. And of course I have to help him hunt for them 50 times a day because he can't SEE well enough to FIND them (at least that's what he says). I tell him, please just put them in the same place every time you take them off, but hell will freeze over before that ever happens. Men!! (Though, like Tbunny said, I do love him most of the time).

Hehe.... husbands that do small things and are sooooo proud.

It frustrates me a lot to know that I do the flylady method of cleaning. I have detailed cleaning list for every room in the house and every room is done once a month, in addition to just average stay on top of it cleaning.

I asked my boyfriend if he would do some of the cleaning staggered 2 weeks from me. He said yes, so I made a list less than half as long for each room. Mostly he ignores the list, but if he does it, he doesn't follow the list and just lightly cleans whatever room. Or he'll be very proud of cleaning something else in the house. Makes me a little crazy.

He's the same way with recipes. My god it makes me crazy when he doesn't bother to follow recipes and things turn out not as well as they could have. Then if I try to help him, he feels like he's not doing anything right. Well... sometimes he's not ;), but if he'd read the detailed plan, I wouldn't have to ask him to try it different.

OR... here's a great one. Why does there have to be a sign on the back of the door for him to remember to shut the shower curtain? He did it for 3 months with the sign, it fell down and I thought he'd be ok if I just threw it out. Nope. Same with leaving dishes in the sink, or not throwing everything on the end of the counter.

But you know what... I remember my parents had to tell me for years to get me to do something. Wow... I'm glad I'm not inviting that into my house

And for the record I adore my boyfriend, and I'll keep trying to gently remind him to do things.

I called my mom and told her I understand now how she felt when I was a teen and didn't want to do my fair share of the work.

The thing with the wallet is that since we got the new puppy, we've also got about 3 new wallets. Puppy likes to chew wallets. Husband leaves wallets where puppy can get them. Husband yells at puppy, who then sits and wags his tail. You think he would have learned by now. The husband, not the puppy.