BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Odd things you've heard people say regarding kids

First of all, Katie I understand your frustration with your ILs. Mine have done the same thing. I find it kind of funny that mine wish for a grandkid one minute and then start spewing racist sentiments the next and seriously think I would want to branch out their DNA! Ha! Chin up girl! Next time tell them your mom started menopause at the same age you are now and then act like you are having a massive hot flash!

The whole thing with Griz made my head spin so I couldn't read it all, but here is my take on it. The observations about these parents that have it all, no matter how well she knows these people, could still be flawed without an understanding of what situation these people have come from or are currently in, unless she knows specific details of their lives. Did their parents pay for their college education and leave them able to start their baby-making career without any debt? Did a family member give them their first house as a gift and they didn't have to pay a mortgage? Maybe a relative is a free built-in babysitter 15 hours a day or handed them 10,000 dollars to adopt a child or get IVF.

I know people that seem to have and do it all with kids too. I also know that ALL of them had a HUGE boost when starting out their adult lives that my DH and I didn't have. Digging out of the mess we were handed was a big factor in my CF position. It put my life on hold for too long to then want put it on hold again. Saying someone "has it all" is a opinion drawn from a personal perspective and can't or shouldn't be generalized for everyone.

Like I said, I know have it all families, but if you look at the fine print, how did it evolve to that status and can you still call it having it all when you take a closer look? Case and point. Family x. 2 full-time professionals, a daughter, nice house, new cars, husband just finished his masters, been to London, Japan and Disney so many times it got boring. They "have it all"! This is what most don't see. Both undergrads paid for by their families upon graduation, huge down payment on first house given by family, cars here and there bought by family, 3 times IVF free, adoption paid by family, masters paid by family and the hand-outs go on. I also witnessed the husband manhandle his wife too. Now that's something to "have".

Family y "has it all" too, but one or both parents "have" anxiety/depression issues and stress related high blood pressure. One of the well adjusted kids that can be created while "having it all" hugged me(not a problem), then attempted to mock hump me while hugging me and before mom could drag him off me, he managed to cop a quick feel(BIG PROBLEM!). Whoo Hoo having it all!

I'm not picking on Griz. Maybe these parents she knows really are all they are cracked up to be. My experience however, has shown me that if you take a magnifying glass to that pedestal these "have it all" parents are on, there might be a few "cracks" here and there that weren't visible before. You can't take everything at face value. None of us are perfect, otherwise we'd sprout wings.

Oooooh, I find that sort of thing soooo patronising.That really is a mother trying to put herself on a pedestal above you, and insinuating between the lines that you are self-indulgent or not as grown up as her. No wonder you were [censored] off.

You know what, happytobechildfree, I have also found that I (like your cousin) have learned patience in recent years. I have learned patience by getting married again and having to uproot my life to move in with my DH and his 20-year old son. It's nothing to do with his son that I have learned patience - it is about having to adapt to another person's household which is really hard and takes time to come right. I have learned patience from adopting a little cat who was utterly terrified of human beings because of whatever had happened to her in her bad start to life. I've had to be so patient and gentle as she builds confidence and regains her personality. I have learned patience through my challenging marketing work in the arts where things change slowly because of lack of resources, and from training and developing the many staff who have worked for me over the years.

I'll guarantee I have as much patience, if not more, than your cousin, and I didn't need to have children to develop it.

Hey, and guess what. We have ALL learned patience with the intolerable pressure that is continually put onto us about being CF.

The other thing I hate, is when you confide something like that (even jokingly) in an honest self-depracating way, and instead of going "oh I know what you mean, me too", the person goes off on a holier than thou track. :-) Don't you hate that?

Not that we need validation that "having it all" is a myth, but I was glad to see it come up in this article about Michelle Obama:

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I love the Obamas.

I adore them too, and am working for Obama's campaign. Being a NH resident, things here are already starting to heat up.

That said...I'm all for her speaking up about the difficulties faced by women. She's doing a great job of it and I think she'd make a fabulous first lady. But I don't see why she felt it necessary to interview for a job days after giving birth, still in maternity clothes, bringing along her baby. If you're applying for a high-level professional job, you should have the cash and the organizational skills to find a sitter.

As was said on LiveJournal's "childfree30plus" forum about this a few days ago...it's as if she was saying "Hi, I'm Michelle Obama. I'm a professional. And this is my infant".

Wow, I can't believe you said this. I'm doing tech writing right now, but I worked in marketing for years. This exact thought crossed my mind. I had to learn to deal with idiot vendors that didn't know what they were doing. I have to admit, I was impatient with them. But the point is - kids aren't the only way to learn patience. And, who's to say that trait is any more important than being creative, inventive or open-minded, things that I value in people and myself.

And, this cousin also admitted that she doesn't like working. So, she picked the best of two options - parenting over work outside the home. And I picked the best option for me. Why is hers somehow better? Plus, she wouldn't be able to make that choice if she didn't marry someone that can support the entire family on one salary. I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, and I won't have some mother lord their SAHM status over me.

I guess we all have baggage though, and she seemed insulted when I asked her if she was still doing her freelance work. She was actually very successful as a professional gift wrapper. Yes, there is such a thing, and it pays really well. And I guess she gets defensive because she doesn't feel like she can raise the two kids, and work. Which I get, believe me. So I think she feels insecure about that. And I bet people ask her about her career all the time. It is a shame, because she was really doing well, and was even on Martha Stewart once.

Yes, I was being honest about who I am, and she slammed me. She's always been really moody and bitchy, and I can't imagine that she's always patient with her kids.

I was chatting with my pregnant friend in NZ the other night, and laughing about her being all moody and crabby when she gets further along. Quote her reply : "Yeah, I'm a bit of a terror with the preg hormones and everything. Makes quite a change from my normal placid, easygoing, sweet self....*sniggers"

We roomed together for 2 1/2 years and I've seen her go off quite impressively on her dogs and her boyfriends. Temperament wise we were peas in a pod, both prone to throwing our toys out of the sandbox!! I hope she "learns some patience" or I can imagine her kids are going to get kicked up the a$$ first, and questioned later!

Nobody can be patient with their kids all the time. Saints are pretty hard to come by these days, and that's a kid's primary job - to push your buttons until you snap. I'm so happy I'll never have to deal with that - my buttons get pushed on a regular basis as it is!!

And, how much more grown up is someone if they are financially dependent on their husband? There's a hierarchy there, and he has the power b/c he's the moneymaker. She went from having one Dad to having another. How grown up is that? Standing on your own two feet - that's what makes someone a grownup in my mind.

Is someone that works in daycare more grownup than me because they care for children, and I'm a technical writer? That's pretty much what we are talking about here.

Here's one I heard today at Walmart when a mom and dad with a baby pushed their cart passed me. The woman said this to her SO:

"I can do whatever I want...I'm a MOM!"

She doesn't have a sense of entitlement or anything does she.

That is pretty darn funny, yehonala!