My closest friends from college are fabulous, smart and talented women. There are 7 of us in strong marriages, doing well with interesting jobs and things were great. Then, about 5 years ago, they started having kids and giving up their jobs. Now every single one of them has at least 2 kids under the age of 5. So, no one calls. No one is available to do anything. No one can answer the phone without shouting directions to their kids while I pull the phone away from my ear.
I don't dislike kids - I'm actually pretty passionate about the well-being of kids in all areas of life. They are cool. (Though so is my house after spending a day with kids...so tidy, so quiet, so not-sticky.) It bugs the hell out of me that I am forgotten, though. I've tried to invite myself on play-dates, I try to be interested in diaper costs, consignment stores, mashed up organic food and mini-van accessories. Then, when I try to participate in conversations, no interest. I've been joking that my friends are all on hiatus, but how long am I supposed to put up with it?
It took a mourning period to deal with infertility - certainly. We've emerged - strong and happy. I realize now I'm mourning my friends. Given the large families and the emersion in school - there are no childfree people in our lives. We attended a picnic with these college friends a couple of weeks ago. Took a picture with the 15 kids (all under 5) and the 8 women. All know my situation, no one asked about what's been going on in my life lately.
Hi Ducky,
This is exactly the conversation I was having with my SO yesterday!
ALL our coupled-off friends have children and the single ones don't always want to hang out with couples...
At times I get lonely.
I find the men (parents) will get together for a night out, sans kids, and include my SO, but the women not as often, and when they do, the conversation always turns to the kids at one point, so I sit there with no input, or, as you mentionned, get ignored when I try to participate in the conversation. Also, the parent guys don't want "chicks" hanging around (even a cool one like me - ha-ha!).
At first, the parents tried their best to continue as BC, alas they've all stuck together and slowly I have been shut out.
I don't think it is done intentionally it's simply the next step in life and people of a kind stick together, as the saying goes...
But it doesn't take the pain of exclusion away.
I hope to meet people in my city who are like us, not easy to find! (There is no 'No Kidding!' in Montreal - there was an attempt, but they were "kids" under the age of 25... not exactly the same.
