BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Odd things you've heard people say regarding kids

Okay, I remembered one.

I live in what feels like the hippy-center of the universe...quite a few people here are in a 1960's time warp.

Some new neighbors moved in next door�a young, unmarried, hippy couple. I don't mean to label people, but it's hard to ignore sometimes. Anyway, I was outside gardening one day and a girlfriend had come over to visit the female half of the couple. The girlfriend could also be described as a hippy, and she said to the woman who'd just moved in:

"So, now that you're living together, you'll probably be growing veggies, having babies...doing the real thing, right?"

As someone who is not having babies, it struck me that my life would not be considered as "real" as other women (by the hippy earth mama types).

I've had this perception confirmed after talking to an older friend who does not have children (but not by choice...her husband didn't want them and she has the integrity to respect that). She takes yoga classes and told me there's a lot of pressure in yoga classes to have babies because it's the whole "wonder of the life cycle" and "magic of the feminine body" and all that.

I'm sick of unmarried people having kids and acting like it's the greatest thing in the world, and they invented it!

I know this may make me sound old-fashioned, but living together being unmarried without children is one thing. Living together with child, that means that those two people have a bond together that supersedes "just living together." That is even more so if the child is one conceived by the man and woman in question.

Yes, I know that there are extenuating circumstances (truly no love, an oopsie, manipulative peoples, etc) that I see on these message boards every day. If he is truly happy, and she is truly happy, then why not do the legal thing and make it legal? If there are bigger issues, then yes, they need to talk about them. (Ok, I'm asking a lot for people who have unplanned children...)

I guess being married, even in the legalistic POV (like me and my wife), is the final cement if two people truly wanted to be parents together.

So how many times do you hear this? All these people hook up and produce babies like it's no big deal, but getting married? Ooh, that's a big commitment ... I'd better think about that one for a while!

One of my staffers is getting married in Nov in Vegas. Her and her SO have been together for 15 years and have 3 kids together. I don't get it. Marriages are easily dissolved, no big deal. Kids are not!

(Bangs head on desk) ...

I find it so funny when so-called counterculture, free spirit types pressure each other to conform just as much as everyone else.

Greenblue: you just read my mind! On the one hand, I can see a hippy being drawn to parenthood b/c it's this natural earthy experience. But, on the other hand, it's a very conformist thing to do. If these folks are living together, then they obviously don't think marriage is "required." I'm sure they don't want the government regulating their love, or something like that. Then why are babies mandatory? Hippies tend to be creative thinkers, so why can't a hippy couple open a bookstore or be a dedicated artist? Being a hippy and into natural things doesn't mean you will be a good parent, or that that role fits you.

As someone who is not having babies, it struck me that my life would not be considered as "real" as other women (by the hippy earth mama types).

Gee -- I didn't know that my wife wasn't as "real" a woman as other women because she is never having children...I guess I missed that memo!

Some things just make me go GGGgrrrrrrrrrr

That is exactly what I think. I did my "exploring" of that lifestyle in college, but ended up having the epiphany that there was just as much pressure to conform within their lifestyle as there is in a conservative lifestyle. Go out to eat with them and order a meat dish and watch the judgements start flying.

Another supreme example of this way of thinking...long ago I was looking for a room to rent and got interviewed at a "hippy" household. This one very smart-[censored] long-hair housemate says to me in the interview," You don't shop at the Gap I hope."

I was so outta there.

Frieda: Yep, I hung with the alternative kids for a bit. But then they were all very much alike in the end. They were kind of interesting to talk to, and a lot of them were in bands, into art, etc. But in the end, it was a clique just like any other. I don't do well with groups.

That's weird that chic said that to you on the interview. Like why does it matter where you shop, as long as you pay the rent and are a decent roomate?

About the "real" thing... this is somewhat similar.

About 4 years ago my hubby and I went out to dinner w/ my ILs(usually a recipe for disaster). Mind you, as a couple at this time we were finally getting on a roll with our lives(we both were working full-time as teachers after several years of part-time work and "paying our dues" in the field. Our hard work to be successful professionals was finally paying off).

The conversation drifted to the topic of 2 of my hubby's friends. They both were also married and each had a kid after less than one year of marriage, and had houses. Neither one finished college.

We were still in our [censored] 1 bedroom apartment we started renting after graduation, thanks to our enormous student loan debt.

What flies out of my MIL's mouth? "Now look at Mike and Bill. They have homes and kids. When are you going to have a life?"

Meanwhile, 4 years later, one has declared bankruptcy, both have had forclosures on their original homes, one has been divorced for 3 years, the other is divorcing now and facing financial ruin, because he's letting his soon to be ex do what she wants with their house so she won't try to get full custody of their kid.

If that's a "life"...no thanks. I'll pass!

I think many of the original hippies were original thinkers. Just as most of the original Punks were. Now, though, I'd say that most people who call themselves hippies merely think that they're original thinkers (and make a point of calling everyone's attention to that perceived fact on a regular basis). But now, it seems to just be another rut one can fall into and another pre-determined outfit one can wear.

At the school where I teach, there are a fairly large number of hippie kids. I like to call them WOTHs (warmed-over, tired hippies)...not to their face, of course. Most of them like the hippie clothes and the drug culture and give lip service to the activist facet of hippiedom, but aren't actually very engaged in the world, as the original hippies were (taking note of the state of the world, discussing it, and working on changing it through protest, etc.). Hence the emphasis on warmed-over and tired.

The oddest thing is that students who will be seniors in high school this year are the highest point of the "baby boom echo". A lot of these kids' parents were hippies. Aren't they supposed to be rebelling against what their parents did? I just find it all very odd.