BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Would you try to change Marilyn Manson, too?

I don�t know much about shock-rocker Marilyn Manson except I know I never want my teenager to grow up to be like him (well, he can makes lots of money if he wants!) and I am pretty sure I wouldn't like his music. (This frustrates Sean to no end. �How can you form an opinion if you don�t listen to his music?� Yeah, he�s got a point. I�ll listen, OK?) My only experience with Manson was his appearance in Michael Moore�s �Bowling for Columbine,� and I was impressed. He made a lot of sense, and I was surprised.

Yesterday, I read that his wife, the voluptuous burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese, asked for a divorce in December � after a seven-year courtship and a 14-month marriage � because, he says, she wanted him to be more adult and responsible.



Oh my. Here you have a decidedly edgy, modern couple living an old joke � men marry women hoping they won�t change, and women marry men hoping they will.

I found that a little amusing � they did seem like they were a perfect pair, able to not only share love and passion but makeup, too. I don�t know if it that�s the real or only issue behind their split or not, but �change� � or not changing � seems to be a real issue in many marriages ... or, rather, divorces.

Is it naive of us to expect that two lovers will change, or won�t change or that they�ll change at the same time in the same ways? Dunno, but I�ll say this: Change happens all the time. How you deal with it � your own and your partner's � is what matters. But marrying someone in hopes that he or she will change � in the way you want him/her to � is a really bad idea. If he's partying a lot before you tie the knot, marrying him is not going to stop it. If he cheats on you during your courtship, you'll most likely be saying "I do" to his extramarital affairs, too. And if he's got a really heavy hand with the eyeliner and mascara during courtship, well ...

Would you get married hoping you could change something about him? Would you want him to do the same with you?


Kat Wilder's My So-Called Midlife

My new husband is too set in his ways to change LOL Personally, I married him for who he is, not what I want him to be. That would be silly to not marry someone for who they are, at least to me. You fell in love enough to marry him the way he is, why would you want him to change. Unless he decides on his own to change something about himself, I love my husband the way he is. Yes he has things that irk me and it would nice if he didn't irk me but then again, no one is perfect or it would be pretty boring!

Hey Jeanette, sounds like that's the healthy way to be.
If you decide someone's "faults" � and lord knows we all have them � are OK and not deal-breakers (and you should have figured that out before you said, "I do"), then just let it go already!
and embrace it

I married my husband for who he was. That's not to say I don't wish there were some things that would or could change but I try to be reasonable on that.

After seventeen years of marriage..we have both changed a lot. With middle age coming up and then old age too soon thereafter, I expect that we will face more change.

Dealing with the changes has meant dealing with things on our own, discussing some things and even compromising at times. I hope we can continue to grow and flow together.

I once told a friend that she didn't love the man she was engaged to, she loved what she saw as his potential. She was not happy with me but she asked what I thought.

If you can't love the person then I fail to see what more there is to love as they are who they are.

I married my husband for who he is; his intelligence and his great sense of humor. We were babies in college when we married so there has been growth separately and together.

I've also learned from him and I believe he has learned from me.

Would I change anything about him? Sometimes he's too practical but then I can be an impractical dreamer so we balance out quite well!

Thanks, Brandy and Kristen for your insights. I'm glad that you both have learned to adapt and compromise, which a good marriage does require.

I wish the best for you both for a long time to come. It restores my faith in the institution!

I wouldn't have married manson if anyone had paid me $10m. He's weird, probably eat his child soon as it came out. Marry someone you like, not someone you want to like.
H

Celt, I don't know if Marilyn Manson would go to that extreme but I have a feeling his wife knew a bit of what she was getting into when she married him.

You can't miss his public persona and whether or not he is different off the stage, it's a huge part of his life and him, therefore it will be something a spouse has to live with it as well.

"I love my husband the way he is. Yes he has things that irk me and it would nice if he didn't irk me but then again"

You say "He has the things that irk me", but you donot know what habit of him that irks you is good or bad...

If I understand that a habit of my wife would be bad. I will surely suggest my wife about that.. But, yes it is up to her discretion to accept that or not.. I will give her all the explanation that I think she would require her to understand if the things are right for her or not..

Also, I think it is my duty to sometimes even force my wife when she will try to do wrong.. Well her father would have done the same. If I know that by going on path "A" there's a sure disaster for her, I will never let her that way..

What you all have to say about this??