BellaOnline Forums Career Fiction Writing Descriptions

Ha, ha, Elle, you're right! I just proved your point. I've even read the book twice and I'll bet I just blew past that description both times!

Ok so what about the book I am writing about pro wrestling?

Wouldn't you think I have to describe each one of them or at least the few who will be the main center of the story? And how do I do it without interrupting the flow of the story?

Starbuck Windshield came running down to the ring to answer the challenge from the World Heavyweight Champion. The crowd cheered wildly as he slid into the ring under the bottom rope and got to his feet. He is an imposing figure at 6'6" and weighing in at 275 pounds. The bronzed skin, blonde haired, adonis stood there and glared at the champion, the hated King of Sting.

The King is not as big as Starbuck but he is 6'2" and 245 pounds. His curly black hair rested against the blades of his shoulder and his fists were clenched as he readied himself for battle.

Should I do descriptions like that or a do I do a separate page or introductory page that lists the wrestlers descriptions and completely leave the descriptions out of the story.

The only problem with that is, the readers may have to stop reading the story and go back to the description page to try and see what the wrestler looks like thereby interrupting the flow of the story as well.

So, what do I do in my descriptions for them?

"Starbuck Windshield came running down to the ring to answer the challenge from the World Heavyweight Champion. The crowd cheered wildly as he slid into the ring under the bottom rope and got to his feet. He (is) - you've slipped into present tense here, this should be "He was" an imposing figure at 6'6" and weighing in at 275 pounds. The bronzed skin, blonde haired, adonis stood there and glared at the champion, the hated King of Sting.

The King (is) was not as big as Starbuck but he is 6'2" and 245 pounds. His curly black hair rested against the blades of his shoulder and his fists were clenched as he readied himself for battle."

Amadeus, I wouldn't give the heights and weights, neither would I describe the King's curly black hair at the introduction. I would suggest that you show the height differences rather than telling the reader about them, by describing the King having to look up very slightly to Starbuck. You don't need the specific weights and heights, although you could have the caller inform the audience of those. Bear in mind that those figures might stop a reader who has to work out how tall and heavy that really is by comparing with their own weight.

With the long hair, I would bring that in with a hair grab - then it becomes important that he has longish hair. The colour doesn't really matter - leave that to the reader to choose. What I would describe is the costumes, since wrestling sometimes has some real doozies. The costumes will be how the reader remembers the characters, the same way viewers recognise the branding of certain wrestlers.

Make sense?

Thanks Elle,

So, now you see where I have a problem slipping from the past and present tenses and thank you for pointing them out. As I said in another post, people couldn't exactly put their finger on where I did it.

Yes, what you wrote about the descriptions makes plenty of sense and is going to make my job a bit easier too. Now, I won't have to stop the flow of writing to discuss their heights and weights and will offer just enough for the reader to imagine what they look like.

I think what you're doing with the past and present tense is thinking of the character in current terms. The action takes place in the past in your story, but in your mind the character still weighs the same amount, still looks the same - so you're putting that in present tense. All that stuff goes in past tense. It's something you need to try and catch yourself doing (easier said than done, though).