BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Cheating?

I do belive that viewing porn of any kind is cheating. But then I define cheating a little differently that purely "physical" interaction. I believe that it is cheating to be emotionally involved with anyone besides your spouse - and that includes someone on a magazine page, in a movie, or on a computer screen. I don't care if you never talk to them, if they are so alluring that they physically stimulate you so that you prefer that over your wife/husband - that's cheating.

Dez

I was thinking of cheating the same way, Dez.

I agree with myrabeth and Mindy86. Women tend to get tweaked about man watching porn and turn it around into something being wrong with them or the relationship. That's crazy!

Please remember ... it's just watching and fantasizing. Lots of studies say that women have rape fantasies. Do they really want to be raped? No!!! But, the mind offers us rich, wonderful and creative thoughts that are nothing more than thoughts.

Having an open discussion with your partner, as myrabeth suggests, is a great idea. You probably want to ask him why he enjoys watching 12-year-old girl porn or gay porn. He may not even be fully aware why, but it's good to get it out there. And there's nothing wrong in you telling him, in a loving nonjudgmental way, how you feel about his porn watching.

Most men watch porn. Period. Many women do, too. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship, and it may even enhance it because it allows him to explore those sorts of things in his mind without having to make up uncomfortable by, let's say, playing an adolescent girl. If he's an addict, that's a different story, but it would be the same if he were addicted to booze, pot, etc.

Are you sure that it is crazy?

cdmohatta,
What I mean by crazy is that the woman thinks there's something wrong with HER if HER MAN does something (like watch or whatever). Why wouldn't the thing "wrong" be WITH HIM??? Or, better yet, why can't he enjoy something just because he enjoys it. I liked fantasizing about having sex with Johnny Depp, but that didn't mean I didn't love my (now ex-)husband (um, when I did love him!!) Nor did it mean there was something "wrong" with the ex.

Same thing if she thinks there's something wrong with the relationship if he watches porn, wants to play poker with his buddies Friday night, etc. Shouldn't people in relationships have their own interests that they do without their partners as well as the ones they do together? Doesn't that make for a healtier person and a healthier relationship?

umm, Kat, noo.... my husband has different interests than I do, like playing poker with his buddies and brothers, or playing baseball with the guys at work, or hunting with his brothers, sons and buddies, but that is not the same as watching porn. Nope. Sorry. That's not even in the same encyclopedia of "fun things" that we share as a married couple, either together or separately. We both do what we want to do, but that is not one of the things! If there is any "porn" in our house, it is what we DO when we make love, and it's not in front of cameras or people.

Fantasizing is a WHOLE lot different. Role playing can be fun, like the yogurt commercial on TV. The french speaking woman in the maid's uniform is sitting on the mans' lap and feeding him yogurt, when their daughter walks in, sees them and rolls her eyes, and they just grin. Now, that's healthy and sexy! That is not the same as watching sex or "porn", which I also think can be unhealthy! I agree that watching porn is a form of emotional cheating. A person isn't learning real life that way. They're only be somewhat "entertained".

Trish

I hear you, Trish .. but isn't what passes for TV nowadays � "Survivor," "America's Top Model," "American Idol," "Jackass" � and especially the daytime TV shows like Oprah � "entertainment"?

Why is one entertainment better than another (and I'll have to say that shows like the above are as mindless or worse than porn. Is it just because there's nudity and sex in porn? Have you looked at the music videos on MTV lately or things like "Desparate Housewives"? I don't watch TV so I don't know for sure, but ... there's a lot of sexual innuendo (or more) and infidelities and immorality and rudeness and meanness and don't even get me started on the confessional Jerry Springer-like shows -- are those better? I'm just curious, that's all.

Good post, Kat.
Is porn healthy?

when it affects your everyday life, yes it is unhealthy. If not, then porn can be a healthy alternative to cheating or to a sexual life.

The point here is when is it unhealthy? When they become obsessed? When they cannot function without porn? When the center of their universe is the porn and the porn stars?

Yes, Jase this is right.