BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The moment it really solidified...

I've been thinking about this abortion question...and finally formulated my position.

I also worked in an abortion clinic in college (weird that others here did too!) It was an internship, and I wrote a paper at the end. It seemed more like just working in a doctor's office for me, except when people prayed out front, and women seemed more nervous, and we did have a bomb threat once. I was actually shown what a baby looked like after it was removed...pretty mindblowing. It was fully formed but about as big as a finger. Amazing.

But overall, I viewed it, and still do, as a medical procedure that women have every right to, and making it illegal just makes for more problems. Personally, if I was born to a woman who absolutely did not want a child, I probably would prefer to pass on that life, and wait for a mother who really wants a child to make my entrance onto the planet. But that's my personal, spiritual outlook.

As for whether I would get an abortion at this point in my life...likely no. I've been a fencesitter forever, and am only now starting to realize that maybe it's not for me. But if it happened naturally (I would have to go through fertility clinic to force the issue, or adopt) I would go with it. I have (fairly) stable life, and am not completely anti-kid.

I guess what it comes down to, and I know this makes me somewhat different than a lot of people on this board, is that I'm much more used to the idea that I would someday be a mother than the other way around, even though in a way I've always dreaded it and put it off. "Talking" with everyone here is helping me feel a lot more comfortable with the reality of living my life without ever being a mother, but it's still a bit of a struggle for me accept...either way! If I was to become a mother, I KNOW I'd have many times where I kicked myself for getting into that situation, but not doing it also makes me worry about other things. But then, I'm a worrier, so it's probably better this way!

That's really close to how I feel. There are certain things he does really well as far as house stuff. He'll get the groceries, sometimes even before I wake up in the am on a Saturday

He had been doing all the laundry for the last 2 years. Mostly, because he wears a LOT of clothes, where I'll wear the same pair of pants or shorts several times before washing. So he's always ready to do laundry before I am. But he's ruined a several good things of mine. And he'll never remember to get things like bras into lingerie bag, and especially bras NOT in the drier. Or to check my holding area where I put shorts that have been worn, and need to be washed, but I'd wear them again spot. Now since we've moved he forgets to move the clothes to the drier till the next day or longer, so I decided it was no longer worth it to me. I'd rather wash my own clothes than risk them getting ruined en masse. I have a hard enough time buying more clothes than I ruin, because I HATE shopping.

Oh and I've totally asked him if he'd like me to wipe his a$$, but only when I'm teasing, not when I'm pi$$ed.

Violet and LSUtiger- you guys have hit the nail on the head. My DH is completely helpless. Sometimes I even get teased in the office because he calls my cell phone so many times a day. I joke that he needs a keeper. He forgets his lunch, his wallet, his workout clothes and the list goes on...And what does he do when he forgets??? He doesn't problem solve like most normal people would- he calls me!!! Like I am supposed to magically solve all of his problems! He is great about doing some things around the house like keeping the yard up and taking care of the dogs, and paying the bills, but the majority of the house work is up to me- dusting, cleaning bathrooms, vaccuming, laundry, grocery shopping etc. I do it because I like to live in a clean house, but I do get resentful at times! Oh and the few times I have let him touch the laundry our towels came out with streaks on them (don't know what he did there) and he has ruined some nice things because he didn't pay attention to the "dryclean only" label. I finally told him he is never allowed to touch the laundry again!!! I love him, but man sometimes I wish he could just take a little bit better care of himself! :-)

This sounds somewhat like my lovely husband too. He's a master at (I suspect) purposely being unable to do certain things so that I'll take over. Suddenly I'm in charge of everything! Also, his tolerance for a messy house is much higher than mine.

The one problem is I'm actually more forgetful than him. Been that way my whole life, and it's actually improved a lot since I was a kid. I used to lose EVERYTHING. Now I rarely lose things. But I still forget things a lot, like if I run out to do a bunch of errands I'll forget at least one. I really need to be better about making lists, but I forget!

My husband is really worried that one or both of us is in the early stages of Alzheimer's...his mom and my grandmother both died of it. I worry about that too, but the one comfort is that I KNOW for a fact I was more forgetful earlier in my life than now. And he, although he gets mad at himself for forgetting things, still doesn't appear to have Alzheimer's to me, since he's the one who is always reminding me about things I've forgotten.

My DH has both of these traits too. I call the first "Male Strategic Incompetence" (MSI for short).

The second- the cold war over "whoever cares more about such-and-such loses and has to take care of it" is something we both play. I haven't come up with a better name for it yet. Maybe "whoever cares less wins"?

MSI is perfect! hee hee.

Here we thought women's lib would be so great for our generation, but the men got one over us by being more passive aggressive. It's like they (collectively) said, "Fine, you want to have jobs...go for it!" But then they didn't pick up any slack anywhere else, so now us lucky women are working full time, AND doing everything women did in the past in the household. I don't think feminists really thought about that. Woops.

Yes, exactly. In addition, we had that issue of it being ok for women to start doing something that's traditionally male, like work outside the home or wear pants, but takes a few more years for it to be ok for men to clean toilets and get their brows waxed?

I'm lucky. I have a man who cooks (at least as well as I do), and is competent around the house. The trouble is that he is rarely actually around the house. (He's about to change jobs, so I'm hoping he'll be around more soon.) So I do pretty much all the housework. The only time I can get him to do more than take out the garbage is if I ask him... and remind him... and remind him.

But he actually is forgetful. He jokes that he suffers from CRS (Can't Remember $hit). He's not wrong. I have to keep him together. I pay the bills because if he were in charge of them, they'd always be late. I keep track of our social engagements, appointments, errand and grocery lists, etc. If he's looking around for something I can usually tell by the situation what he's looking for and tell him exactly where it is. "Where" is a big question around here. He's the type that doesn't remember where he puts anything and I'm the type that can tell you not only that something is in whichever cabinet or closet, but on what shelf and side. His forgetfulness drives me nuts, but it's nice to be needed.

Between him and a cat with a personality of a two year old, I have all the parenting responsibilities I need!

In addition, we had that issue of it being ok for women to start doing something that's traditionally male, like work outside the home or wear pants, but takes a few more years for it to be ok for men to clean toilets and get their brows waxed?

LOL. I don't think my partner has cleaned the shower once since we've lived together. I actually like cleaning most of the house, but the shower is at THE bottom of my list. He moved in to this place a month before I did, and when I got here it was disgusting. Of course I didn't really feel like cleaning up his mess. But I finally broke down yesterday. I had to spray cleaner, wipe, rinse repeat 4 TIMES to get it *almost* clean. Then I gave up.

I'm actually generally happy with how the housework is broken up. He does a lot (even though I like to complain).

I had a sort of "scare" about a month ago. I was going to the toilet a lot more than usual and feeling bloated and of COURSE my colleagues all said I must be pregnant!
I even went to a doctor and got tests!
(Which came back showing I'm perfectly healthy!)
A couple of days later I got my period! AND I'm not going to the toilet so much any more.
But when I had this scare I FELT scared. I felt that I didn't want this and NOTHING about this felt good. (Even though as I adore my hubby SOOOO much part of me goes "but it would be OUR baby - part HIM!" Still, there's no guarantee - I believe - as to how our child would turn out!)
We have a pretty great life! We travel, we are doing OK money wise, well better than before, we go out for dinner, we see our friends, and there's still so much love there after four years of marriage. (I still feel like we're newlyweds!) And I DON'T want a baby to potentially wreck ANY of that!
Re the domestically-challenged husbands?
Um
in our marriage sorry to say but I am the domestically-challenged one. He is an Egyptian Muslim and yet he does WAY more housework than I do! I think it's for two reasons. Firstly, at the beginning he wasn't getting much work and I was working full time so he did all the housework and now that we both work pretty much full time he's in the habit. Plus I can't cook and don't really want to. AND also his mum does SO MUCH housework even though
her husband, my husband and her other son even got her a maid, a brand new washing machine and so on she washes the clothes all by hand and does all the housework and her legs ache. They try to do everything to stop her from cleaning so much and they can't! Soooo, maybe he pampers me also cos he's worried otherwise I'll be like her?!