BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Hurray! Finally!

I have been with my SO for just over a year and have become somewhat close with his sister. I haven't had the guts to come out and ask if she intends to remain childfree (she is 32, awesome, and has never, ever mentioned anything to me about it with the exception of refusing to purchase a certain brand of toilet paper because "there's a picture of a baby on it"). However, last night we were at her house and her boyfriend's sister, who just had a baby, came over with the child. My SO's mother was falling all over with joy at the prospect of holding the baby (she's nice, just wants grandkids and I ain't making any) and my SO's father said "doesn't that make you want to have one"? and she simply replied "no!"

It made me so much more comfortable with my position, because I really do like his family a lot. It also made me realize that I spend a good deal of time anticipating having to defend my decision, and then so much time explaining or defending myself. Really, a simple "no, thanks" or "nope!" is all that's necessary, and frankly, the only explanation I'll be providing from this point forward.

That is good news! You're not alone, and you have someone who can understand you right there with you. :-)

It's so refreshing to meet someone with similar views, isn't it? Especially when our views on this topic are in the minority. I am going to try to the simple "no" next time the question comes up. You are right - why should I have to explain myself?

My response has always been "Nope. Not interested." Now that I'm in my forties, people have lost interest in asking me! I love it :-)

Good for you!! I have the bad habit of saying things just to get people off my back at the moment. For instance, when they ask "Do you have any kids yet?", I say "Not yet" instead of simply stating "No, I don't". Or when people ask "Do you want to have kids?", I usually slip out a guilt-ridden "I just don't know yet" instead of something like "Not at the moment". I'm workin' on this, though. You have to be bold about your decision not to have kids, or people will harrass you forever.

i have also discovered that a resounding NO! is usually sufficient and gets the point across without having to explain myself. i'm now 36 and i have find that people really don't ask me about it anymore.

i was talking to one of my male friends last week and we decided that there should be a Happy Non-Parent Day! i thought it was a good idea!

indigo

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sweet!! happy non parent day, everyone. in fact since it's friday let's make it non-parent weekend.

This is kind of related, so I figured I would mention it on this thread. The way it's related is that I don't want to lose one of my only CF friends!

My friend that is CF recently told me she went off of birth control. I know she is concerned about taking the chemicals for a long period of time, and she and her new husband discussed the possibility of a vasectomy (the've been together like 8 years, and he has college aged girls from his previous marriage - he's in his late 40s). But he isn't having a V now. She's 42, and thinks it's highly unlikely that she will become pregnant, and isn't worrying about it. I am though! I not only don't want her to get pregnant, but if she does, there is such a risk that there might be something really wrong with the child.

My DH2B thinks she's conflicted about being CF, and secretly wants a child. If it's an accident, he said, she can't be faulted for it (which I don't agree with, BTW).

<Cue ominous music>

This kind of laissez-faire attitide is fine about planning a lazy Sunday. But the decision to become a parent? OMG, Happy! You must be pretty disappointed in her...