BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Divorce and marital rape

Is marital rape enough ground for divorce? What is the law in your country?

Do you have to have a reason to get a divorce? I have been divorced (and my husband didn't show up for court) and I was not really asked why I wanted it.

Yes, CDM, Marital Rape is certainly grounds for divorce in the UK. Not only this, but a wife can bring legal charges against her husband, and if found guilty he will be punished by the Law.
Marital Rape is an offence, and is punishable by a cuatodial sentence.
The law does not look kindly on rape, and treats marital rape as an extremely serious offence.

Of course, first of all the wife has to feel emotionally strong enough to complain and to bring charges....

Yes in America marital rape is enough for divorce. This usually falls under the category of "cruel and unusual punishment/treatment". My first husband and I divorced on the grounds of irreconsilable differences because in Ohio you can't divorce under the label of adultrey. He couldn't keep his pants on around other women, specifically his female co-workers.

In Washington state the divorce law is no-fault, so it doesn't matter what your reasons are for wanting a divorce, if you want one you will get one, even if he doesn't.

Some cultures punish marital rape, and some look the other way, it's hard to tell. Even here in the US you usually have to have proof that it happened besides just the accusation in order for it to be prosecuted. But it is something that is coming out more and more and the authorities are begining to realize that saying no for 3 hours and then yes is a means of giving in so you can have peace rather than consent.

Good luck!

Dez

Thank you all for this info.

Don't you think this will be a "win" "win" situation for a unwise women to get a fast divorce and get marriage compensation.

Does that give any chance for the poor husband with this kinda law??

Just raised a doubt!!! is there anything to check this?

My question to this comment is: WHAT POOR HUSBAND??? If he is raping his wife then why in the world should we have sympathy???

Dez

You are right Dez. I was rather thinking that other than divorce, wife should also file a criminal case against such a man.

Hey.. I meant to ask if the husband has not raped and the wife complains one what has the husband left with him to contest..

I am talking about an exceptional case

The husband can refuse.
But I think that you are taking the topic wayward.

I see your point Ganesh, yes a woman can lie and say he raped herto get a divorce. But in most states in America there is what is called no-fault divorce which means you can seek a divorce for any reason and get granted it. My first husband and I divorced because he couldn't keep his pants on around women but I couldn't file for adultrey anymore in Ohio. So we had to file under irrconsialable (sorry spelling) differences and even if he didn't want the divorce, i would have been granted it because i no longer wanted to be married to him. The original intention of this post was to learn if marital rape is enough for divorce in various countries.

CD, to you knowledge, is it grounds for divorce in India?

I am checking about this Jeanette.
I am sorry to say but I feel sad that in India marital rape is common.
That is why I asked this.
I am in the process of finding out.

Jeanette,

The problem in this is - how to prove?
Such husbands do their deed without any witness.
So it is their word against the wife's word.
I know one case where the husband used to rape his wife 7 to 8 times a night.
I get enraged when I recollect that.

from my understanding a doctor can do a physical exam and there is a physical signs of rape occuring. i accompanied a friend to the emergency room after she was raped and listened to the docs and social workers talk to her.

Yes. that is right. I never thought about this. Sorry.

Then in this kind of a divorce does the man has to compensate the wife? Just to update my knowledge. If yes, then there are lot of women who will try to misuse this law... I hope you understand what I am trying to ask you all.

It is 100% acceptable if a women in distress is getting advantage from the law, but there are law experts who can easily misuse the law and make money.

Law experts will always make money, whether they win a case or lose it, they still get paid.
Misuse of the Law, by Law Experts is not as tolerated as one may think. It is also not as easy as you would think. The Laws are strictly composed to be as clear and succinct as possible. Even if a Law expert does try to be cunning, there is always a Judge who makes the final decision and gives the final verdict.
He or She can direct a Jury by giving both sides of the argument impartially.
So twisting legislation to suit their needs is not a simple affair, even for an expert.

I do not know all of the laws as far as compensation goes, by compensation I am assuming you are referring to what we call in America as alimony or spousal support. Alimony, from what I understand is usually granted to the husband or wife if their spouse makes more then they do at their job at the time of the divorce. When I sought divorce from my ex-husband/abuser, I was working, he was not. My lawyer made sure to bring that up in court, that I worked the majority of the marriage and could prove it and since he abused me, he should have no right to alimony, spousal support, or any part of my pension whatsoever. I also had proof that he abused me (police reports, neighbor statements, landlord statement and a restraining order).

Men and women try to take advantage of the law, not just women! Especially when it comes to domestic violence cases, the abuser (man or woman) tries to be so slick and get out of things. They place blame on their victim or the victims family and friends. I do understand what you are trying to ask. You are asking if claiming your husband raped you is an easy way to get a divorce. Yes someone can say they were raped but in most states in America, there is no-fault divorces, you don't even have to state a reason to get a divorce.

Jeanette,

If a woman can prove medically that she was raped by her husband, will he be prosecuted in the US?

Yes, he will be procesuted with physical evidence. That is why it is imperative if someone is raped they immediately go to the emergency room to have what is called a rape kit done for prosecution of the rapist. No matter how hard it is or how humiliate a woman may feel especially being violated by a man, it is so so important to go immediately. Now if a man is raped by a woman and yes it is possible, I don't know how you would prove it. In most communities, rape is just as horrible as murder. When I hear of rapes, you have to wonder if that fleeting moment of sexual pleasure is worth spending 20 years in prison for.

When I hear of rapes, you have to wonder if that fleeting moment of sexual pleasure is worth spending 20 years in prison for.

Jeanette


That is momentary madness.

IT has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual pleasure.
It is all to do with ultimate physical and mental control.

Rape is result of uncontrolled sexual desire.

No, I don't think it is as clear and simple as this. It isn't.
Rape is lagely a result of the desire of the perpetrator to exert ultimate control over his victim.
Whilst the act is sexual, and one may think that gratification is a factor, it may well be part of it, i will agree.... but it's not about the sex.

The thing is, the sexual act is the most intimate thing people can do with one another, and many regard it as precious, because a person gives ones self to another.
taking this priviledge by force, and compelling someone to perform a sexual act against their will is the ultimate example of control and power.
Sex isn't the thing. Domination seems to be far more the point.

Ask the viewpoint of other women though, because I wouldn't know from a personal point of view.
I am 45 and completely celibate, you see.

I agree to disagree with you. Peace be with you.

Et cum spiritum tuum.

Yes it is about control, Metta. And as sick as it sounds, many rapist do get sexual gratification from raping a woman. While I was taking my psychology courses in college, we watched videos of interviews with inmates, the ones who were in for committing rape almost all of them said they did derive some sexual satisfaction for the power struggle of it all. Sick, yes I know. The human brain is an amazing thing.

Good question!!!!

And the answer? ABSOLUTELY!

Dez

Yes, rape is 100% about power, control, and dominance. It is taken that which is not given freely. Some people, mainly men, take sexual gratification from rape, but it is not from the sexual contact itself necessarily but rather that they are aroused by their vicitims helplessness.

Dez

You are right. Dez. Correct!

Well you all men in America will need to protest about the same. In India laws are too tough to change. Again, how long it normally does take a law to get implemented at how long does it take to renew the same in the US? In India laws created during the 1800 century is still on.

It is a frightening thing to have a person posting on this board who actually feels that rape and violence are a mans right over a woman and should not be prosecuted.

Dez

Taken a example, if a wife says no and is not wanting a sex but husband still has it.. but she does not resist the sex, would that be considered as a rape? But in this case the wife has nothing at her side!!!!

Ganesh, this happened to me several times with my ex. I would tell him no no no and he kept on coming at me, I would finally give in and just lay there so he would leave me alone. To me,he raped me because he forced me to do it. Now I don't know if I could have pressed raped charges on him because i did lay there and take it. That is a question to ask a police officer or a judge. i can't answer that. to me it felt like rape but the judge may see it different.

Having been the wife who resists the sex and says no, please no, please no, and then finally gives in gets it over with to be left alone, yes that is rape. I never wanted it, and never would have initiated it in that circumstance, but it was clear whose wants and desires mattered in this situation.

Like Jeanette said, it is difficult to say whether a judge would see it that way or not. However, I can say that most counselors and psychologists definately agree that it is rape. And an even worse rape because you were raped by someone you loved and trusted, even if you didn't get any broken bones from the experience. A broken psyche is much worse.

Dez

Dez, you said no because you did not want that at that moment or because of other issues?

It's a matter of time and place. For instance, when he would not leave me alone about having sex mere days and weeks after my son was born. I didn't want it, I wasn't ready for it, and yet the only way I could have a moment to myself without him trying to stick his hands down my pants was to give in. I still didn't want it, but at least I got some peace for a while.

Dez