BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aversion to pregnancy/childbirth experience

Hey,

I just ran across this today - a guy acknowledging our biological differences in the way that you did in your post...

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Hi NAW! I loved your post. The responses are great too.

NAW, welcome to this board. I could not agree with you more. It's ridiculous that nature is biased against women, but the fact that society still seems to be is way beyond ridiculous. So many women just accept the 1950s mentality that we still seem to be stuck in, too, and I simply can't understand why.

I am so happy to see so many others echoing my thoughts on never wanting to be pregnant and give birth! I can't imagine trying to lose that much quickly-gained weight, and I really don't ever want to know it firsthand.

NAW- I once read an interesting story in which someone was quoted as recommending that (straight) women refuse to bear children until their male partners can be full coparents (as in, really truly do 50% of the work).

In some ways, that's exactly what I'm doing. I know I'd be more interested in having kids if I didn't know I'd be doing at least 80% of the work and taking 100% of the total career hit between myself and my DH. And he's a very well-intentioned guy- it's our culture (work and social) that causes the problem.

Great discussion. Ever since puberty I have found the prospect of myself being pregnant very disturbing. I have had nightmares about being pregnant all of my adult life, and it is always the same feeling of being trapped, horrified, dreading, angry, resentful. I know many moms who recovered fine from their childbirth experiences, but I know others who have never been the same, and it has affected their mobility, love lives, etc.

I guess I also don't want to risk permanent damage to my body, especially the fun parts. Guess I never really wanted kids, so the risk was especially unappealing.

Other people's pregnancies don't gross me out or horrify me (as long as they don't over-share). And I am sincerly very happy and excited for friends and family members when they are happy and excited to be expecting, but I have never wanted it for myself.

EmeraldWednesday - Exactly my point. It's not that I don't think our bf's or husbands are inadequate or not willing to work for it. My bf says he will take 6 months off work and do the full time dad thing.
But still, he cannot prevent all the emotional and physical suffering I will have to endure. He cannot breastfeed on my befalf (which brings me to nature's bias that if you want to lose weight, you should breastfeed and suffer from crakced nipples!). It drives me crazy that nature has a sadistic side.

He cannot prevent my boss from not sending me overseas for a new task. He certainly cannot stop people from labelling me selfish if I take the 6 months off for myself and leave the job mainly to him.
It is not in the power of me or him alone to change the biasness of nature or the society.
So my approach is to make choices which gives me the best results for me.

I am considering adoption some years from now. By then, I will have the capacity to provide well for a homeless child and I will be way into my late 30s.

i also thought that i was alone in my feelings! i've felt this way for years! i remember being 23 and talking to a co-worker about it and she said" then don't have kids!" and well i listened !!! it took me a long to understand why any woman would want to go through all that but i've come to the understanding that a woman must really really really want to have a child. you have to to go through all that. i can't even watch a birth on tv without getting sick, feeling sorry for the woman, and frankly getting [censored] off at the other people around her who don't seem to give a damn about what she's going through. that really makes me mad. it's like "just give that damn grandchild/child and i don't care what you're going through." i mean that would really [censored] me off if that was me.

and don't even get me started on other issues involving pregnancy and childbirth.i could list a hundred reasons why it grosses me out!

besides the fact that i read somewhere that pregnant women are more vulnerable to being abused or murdered by their spouses. i think it was in the article involving lacy peterson a while back. now i head another pregnant woman is missing. so sad. i just think that when a woman is in that condition she;s in a very weak place from being pregnant.i mean she can;t exactly defend herself when she has a huge belly and can barely walk! i really feel sorry for these women who think that if they become pregnant that it will solve their problems and help their marriages.if anything it only makes it worse.


indigo

Hey, we have a Dane in our midst! Welcome, NAW. Wow, your English is so amazing. So glad to have you here!

Cheers

Elise