I completely agree. And the biggest thing that gets me is that her mom is HAPPY for her. Or, at least that's what she told me...and her invitation said the baby shower's being thrown by her mother.
Well a shower is pretty typical, and not uncommon for the Mom to throw it. I mean even if it's not what she wanted, it's what IS happening, and it doesn't really do anyone involved any good to be UNHAPPY about the baby (it's too late for that). Particularly publicly.
My cousin just had a baby earlier this year. Though she was older than 19, she still had not (has not) finished college. At first everyone in the family was VERY unhappy about it, BUT they all came around. I was VERY sad for her, because I don't want kids and I work in family planning and believe STRONGLY that every child should be planned. My cousin does not know this (at least in reference to her), because it was not appropriate for me to give her a hard time. When she told me, I tried to stay nuetral and ask her how she felt. Her pregnancy was not about me, so I just tried to be supportive.
All that to say, just because the Mom seems happy now, doesn't mean it's what she wanted, what she would have planned for, that she isn't [censored] off about it, or that it didn't take her some time to come around.
Here's how I see it:
Her pregnancy is her pregnancy, so it's not your business to worry about (tempting as it is).
Whether you go to her shower is your business, and you don't want to so don't. Tell whoever gives you flack that you've made your decision, and that it's not their business. It would probably be best if you can send a small gift, but even then, if you don't want to don't.
