BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aversion to pregnancy/childbirth experience

I watch a lot of those shows on Discovery Health as a form of contraception. Granted, they usually go out of their way to film the more complicated situations, but it sure works for me! (Helps that I'm not too squeamish...)

[quote=antikid]Isn't it interesting to see how many of us are healthy, active and in great shape?/quote]

It's true! Not to be mean or anything (I am not anti-mommy or anything), but I wonder how many comments like this you could find on 'mommy' forums.

Anyway, pregnancy/childbirth are not the main reasons why I don't want kids. In fact, I am a little curious about feeling something moving inside of me (not curious enought, though!). My main physical reason is I just don't see myself being 20+ pounds overweight. I would die, I think!! I gain weight so easily!! Sometimes I think that even looking at food makes me gain weight! I have to watch it every single day, work out, etc.. just to be in a decent weight for my frame, and to gain another 20 pounds or more, and then having to go through all it takes to lose it??? I can't imagine myself doing that. I just can't! Maybe I'm too vain, but that's just how I feel.

I hear ya on this. I'm not overweight, but hardly the paragon of health, thin-ness and fitness that some of the ladies on this forum seem to be, LOL!

I also wouldn't mind the experience of pregnancy- ultrasounds, hearing the heartbeat, feeling it move... but the weight gain, and the childbirth? That's another story. I have enough trouble with my weight as it is, and have no desire to experience that much pain (especially since it can be avoided!)

"My main physical reason is I just don't see myself being 20+ pounds overweight. I would die, I think!! I gain weight so easily!! Sometimes I think that even looking at food makes me gain weight! I have to watch it every single day, work out, etc.. just to be in a decent weight for my frame, and to gain another 20 pounds or more, and then having to go through all it takes to lose it??? I can't imagine myself doing that. I just can't! Maybe I'm too vain, but that's just how I feel."

I still have about 15 pounds of extra weight and I'm miserable about it.

I had a serious knee injury a few years ago and I was forced into a less active lifestyle. I can walk pretty well these days, but the offending knee is now plagued with arthritis and I'll probably never be as active as I once was. During the first year or so after my injury, when I was doing the crutches and/or limping routine pretty much non-stop, I gained well over 30 pounds. Fortunately, some of it was upper body muscle (from learning to lift objects and myself without relying too much on my legs). The rest of it was just fat -especially on the thigh above the bad knee -muscles don't just atrophy quickly, they turn into cellulite mush practically overnight! I've never "dieted" in my life, and have no intention of starting a yo-yo/crash diet cycle, so I opted to make minor adjustments to my food choices over time and I push myself to be active as I can tolerate being. It's a slow process, but I'm gradually dropping the excess.

I'm telling you folks this because I see my injury = fatness situation as very similar to what it must be like to deal with trying to lose baby weight. I gained a lot in a short period of time and am hindered in my attempts to lose it healthily by limits to my physical activity, much the same as a new mom would have constraints on her time and energy because she's dealing with the munchkin.

I gained about 15 pounds when I had my bunion removed in 2002. It was early December, and I was in so much pain I literally couldn't get off the couch for 2 months. At first I couldn't even move without being in excruciating pain. So, you do the math! Not moving for 2 months + food + winter = FAT!!! Plus, then once I got into grad school I gained more because I sat doing research for hours every day, plus sitting in 3-hour-long classes.

I am now down to my original "fat" weight and am working on getting down to my "real" weight! It's HARD WORK! I can't imagine trying to lose it while running after a kid. As it is, my nephew wears me out to the point I can't go work out because I'm so tired, and I was so busy with him I didn't eat, so I sit on the couch and stuff myself when he leaves!

And then there's the friend (much taller and always much thinner than I) who claimed "it's SO easy to lose the baby weight!" because she was running around after her kids and hasn't eaten a full meal at one time in years. (This friend was also the #1 offender for bugging me about having kids.)

I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life (including college when it really wasn't a problem but I thought it was). I'm also on thyroid meds and it does come off when I work at it - the trick is staying focused and keeping at it. I can't even imagine trying to find time to work out with a kid. I would probably be as big as a house. Yikes.

HI girls...I feel so relieved and lucky to have found this forum. I have been feeling so alone in my aversion to pregnancy and childbirth. Every time I try to discuss it with friends I get more depressed from the discussions.
I have been called selfish and shallow for thinking about weight and pain. I have also bene told that eventually my boyfriend will leave me because men only find women who are mothers feminine.

Well, after a lot of thoughts I think my aversion and this big disgusting feeling I get when it comes to pregnancy and birth comes from the fact that NATURE IS UNFAIR and SOCIALLY, WOMEN ACCEPT THAT.

So my reaction is to not agree with nature's bias and society's expectations and bias.

Nature's Bias...

Why women not men? Why the unfair distribution of workload in pro-creation?
Why does child birth have to come with pain?
Why must there be so many side-effects and suffering?
And why make men more sexual and women functional?

Society's bias
In this day and age, why do women agree to carry a child in a body and suffer for 9 months and then share the child with a man and the child to carry his name?
Why do women convince ourselves this is a joyous time?
Why do women agree to do most of the housework while being pregnant and they pay half of the expenses?
Why do women ask how they can tighten their vaginas after childbirth? I mean...they suffered for 9 months, are fat, share the baby with the man and yet have to tighten their [censored] for his pleasure?

Imagine, if we can compensate for nature's bias ...imagine if all women were to say that we're not giving birth until certain conditions are met by law:-
The husband do ALL the work for the next 6 months after the child is born...so we can work out and focus on ourselves
We cannot be punished in our career for giving birth..
If men have to experience pregnancy as part of their growing up education.

The other day, I was at a wedding anniversary. My gf just gave birth to their 2nd child who's not 6 months. She is still on the heavy side. When she opened one of the presents, it was a designer cow. Her husband said...now we have 2 in the house!

Well, until nature's bias can be compensated by the society, I will not be giving birth or getting pregnant!

Originally Posted By: NAW

I have also bene told that eventually my boyfriend will leave me because men only find women who are mothers feminine...

There is a statistic somewhere that says men cheat on their wives for the first time when they are pregnant. And it makes sense, women probably aren't feeling very energetic and physical when they are pregnant. There are also men that seem to leave not long after the children are born. I rarely see them run into the arms of another mother. They want someone sexy that can actually get out of the house and go on dates!

Originally Posted By: NAW

In this day and age, why do women agree to carry a child in a body and suffer for 9 months and then share the child with a man and the child to carry his name?

I hate this custom, too.

Originally Posted By: NAW

Imagine, if we can compensate for nature's bias ...imagine if all women were to say that we're not giving birth until certain conditions are met by law:-
The husband do ALL the work for the next 6 months after the child is born...so we can work out and focus on ourselves
We cannot be punished in our career for giving birth..
If men have to experience pregnancy as part of their growing up education.

These are great ideas. You've hit on some of my major reasons for not wanting kids (there are SO many.) It's so true, women gain so much weight during pregnancy, and they don't have any time to work out afterwards. Their free time is basically gone. So it's a double whammy, because if they don't look good, their husbands might leave, and it will be harder for them to meet someone else if they are overweight AND have a child. That usually does make the men come a running.

I agree about it not effecting our careers. But I don't think the other workers should have to compensate for someone else not losing their spot in the workplace. I'm not in favor of laws supporting this because if someone can't do their job or meet their deadlines, they clearly can't handle the job anymore. And I think many women would take advantage of this type of legislation.

AGREED that men should have to babysit or SOMETHING so they know what is involved in childrearing. They have so many opinions about it, but they have no real life experience (most of them, anyway).

Originally Posted By: NAW

When she opened one of the presents, it was a designer cow. Her husband said...now we have 2 in the house!

What an [censored]. I would have said, yeah, honey, I'm a cow because I carried your children for you.

I've often thought about this. My metabolism has changed a lot in my 30s, and I literally have to exercise now to maintain my weight. Believe me, a lot of it is vanity. But I also feel really uncomfortable when I am carrying extra weight.

I have developed really bad IBS in my 30s, and I am often bloated into oblivion. And yesterday was one of those days. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be pregnant if I was this uncomfortable with bloating that might have made me look like I was two months pregnant.

I think about this a lot now when I see someone that's really heavy. I'm like, they must feel SO uncomfortable.

How about "You'll be hearing from my attorney. He specializes in Bovine Divorce issues."

wowza....