BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aversion to pregnancy/childbirth experience

I am 27 years old and have been happily married for 6 years. From the time we dated, my husband and I have been in strong agreement about not having children. He has never liked kids much at all. I do like spending a little time with other people's kids. Although I just don't care about having kids right now, my reasons for not wanting them go much deeper.

Ever since I was a young child, I have had bad inner feelings about giving birth to my own child (from when I first understood what it was all about) because I have such a weak pain threshold. My mother always told me, "When you meet the man of your dreams and get married, that will change." Ever since then, nothing has really changed; I am as apprehensive now as back then, and the pregnancy/childbirth factor is ultimately my reason for saying "no kids". To make matters worse, all of our friends are starting to have babies, and whenever my girlfriends start talking about these things at church, parties, baby showers, etc., I feel really sick/uncomfortable and need to leave early. I hate to think that my discomfort is taking away from their happiness.

Is there anybody out there that feels the same way as me? How do you cope with this feeling socially, when you are out in a world where it seems no one understands?

beth_m, I agree with you on the whole aversion to pregnancy/childbirth experience. It is one part of why I never really want to have kids of my own. I sometimes feel that I'm being superficial when it comes to my lack of desire to be pregnant and go through the pain of giving birth, but I do know my own body - that if I go off of the pill, my hormones will go all crazy like they were before I was on it - I also know that I have an extremely low pain threshold as well, and a general feeling of "yuck" about the changes that my body would undergo, as well as the long-lasting or forever effects that pregnancy would have on me afterward. It seems that a lot of people don't really bring up the aversion to being pregnant or giving birth on this board, but like I said, this is one of many reasons I am not into the idea of having kids.

I am 29 and have been married nearly 6 years, but from childhood on, I never had a desire to be pregnant...you're not alone! You'll find that this board is a really nice place to come when you need to talk about/vent on your CF status, whether that is a forever-thing, or just the way you feel right now.

"I have such a weak pain threshold." So do I! I used to scream (as a kid) when my uncle would take a prickle out of my foot with tweezers! And I still can only pluck my eyebrows a little so I go to the salon instead and they do it! I'm a wuss when it comes to pain! I am more sensitive than most to some things, emotional and physical. Heat, light (if it's overcast and bright I wear sunglasses and my colleagues don't need to that's all) and PAIN!
I know I would be in their saying (constantly) "Bring on the drugs!" and want WAY more than was good for the baby! I had an operation once (nothing major!) and I asked for a lot of
pain medication and even if I wasn't in pain and they said did I want any I was like "Yes PLEASE!"
Plus I've heard some real pregnancy horror stories - which I will not share!

It's all worth it!

You'll be so happy you won't even remember the pain!

It can't be that bad, women have been having children for centuries!

JUST KIDDING! Those are the reactions I've gotten when I say that childbirth is one of my reasons for not wanting kids. I've NEVER been keen on the idea of pregnancy and childbirth. I also think YUCK whenever I even think about it. And then after people have kids they seem to have no problem talking about pooping and peeing and their periods and all kinds of gross stuff I've never felt the need to discuss with others.

Then they say, "once you have kids, you aren't embarrassed by anything." Well, excuse me, but having a doctor look at my privates every other week is NOT my idea of fun. I'm a big prude!

And I have a very high threshold for pain. I once walked around on a broken foot (that required surgery) for 3 days before even going to a doctor. In fact, half the time I get injured I don't even notice (I think that is one reason why I am such a klutz!) There have been several times I didn't realize I was cut badly until I realized blood was dripping everywhere ...

The only pain I cannot tolerate is my ankles. I sprained my ankle back in December very badly, I partially tore some ligaments and overstretched 2 tendons. THAT hurt like a MF-er.

Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a tangent. My point is, most pain doesn't bother me, but the pain associated with childbirth scares the crud out of me.

I wouldn't say I have a low threshold to pain, but avoiding labor pains is just icing on the cake for my decision to remain CF! Who really wants to go through all of that? And for what? Eighteen+ more years of misery? No thanks!

I remember when I was a kid and found out all childbirth entailed, before I knew there were ways to prevent it, and it scared the $*^#&^$#^*# out of me! I have no fondness for pain either and wouldn't want to suffer a moment of labor and childbirth. After hearing more detailed horror stories about what friends have gone through during labor makes it sound even less attractive! One of my friends had her son without any pain drugs and I don't know how she did it. Yikes! He wasn't a little baby either....

Cindy

I can really relate to all of your feelings here. I am not comfortable thinking, discussing, or focusing on childbirth, pregnancy and its related yuckiness! (is that a word?) Anyhow- the thought of going through all of that for even more work than I have now, a diminished sex life, and no sleep is just more than I can handle!!! And knowing what it does to your body is enough to make me hurl. I know I must sound dramatic, but I just finished getting into great shape and I'm not going back- it took a long time to get there. On a related note about women who have no pain killers during delivery- my mom had 5 of us and NO drugs!!! I kind of think- wow- how cool, but I also know I could never do it. :-)

Although I wouldn't consider it my main reason for not wanting to parent, I'm happy to 'miss out' on pregnancy. I'm very hypoglycemic and have to eat frequently to prevent mood swings. I don't even want to think about how the pregnancy mood swings would affect my life -- I'd probably end up in jail. I also take very good care of my body and would be upset by the damage pregnancy would likely do to it. Everything's 'in it's place' and I can laugh/cough all I want without peeing my pants.

That being said, it's hard to have these feelings when you're surrounded by people who don't understand. Although I've got a few CF friends, I find coming here to be so refreshing.

I have gotten into great shape as well --I run, lift weights, and do Pilates exercises (actually dropped 30 lbs). I know that by having a child, all of those efforts are thrown away. My friends with kids say, "Beth, you look great! I sure wish I could drop my baby weight, but where's the time!!!"

Pregnancy is not a fun thing, and I personally believe anyone who says it is is lying through their teeth. I did it twice, and I havn't forgotten either one yet, so probably I won't be anytime soon. It cracks me up, actually, because I see these women who say "its so wonderful, I loved being pregnant!" but I was not one of them. On that note, I will also say that, I think I was more scared of delivery the second time than the first time BECAUSE I already knew what to expect. LOL. The fact is that if anyone takes that step, it's all gonna have to happen and I dealt with it by thinking of it that way...and though you don't forget the pain, it really does become pretty distant pretty quick.

But yeah, it's hell. I love my kids, but I would much prefer doing the whole thing by osmosis <g>

Dez