BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Quest of happiness

That's an excellent question. I think sometimes people get lost in the pursuit of what they think will make them happy. They might chase money, for instance, and have a bigger mortgage, and have to work more, but don't get to enjoy their home as much or their children while they are growing because they are working hard on a job, and they may not even enjoy that job. But my suggestion to simply watch what makes you happy avoids this. Often people don't know what makes them happy... they only think they know. So watch. Observe yourself. Much happiness comes from things that are free and accessible. Nature... people... learning... satisfaction in our own industry and in doing a good job... enjoying music, literature, art, dancing, making things, a good meal... time with loved ones and friends... being silly.

Pursuit of happiness may also disturb us if we feel we "ought" to be somewhere, instead of simply welcoming it into our lives, enjoying it when it is present, and going in the direction of making those things happen more often. But i don't think people do this too often. Usually i see it when someone is trying to please another, "be happy" for another, but abandonning themselves and their own desires. Still, it is rare.

Yearning for things is not the same as observing what makes you happy, not tomorrow or next year, but today. Here and now. Some people enjoy pursuits, challenges, risk, and even yearning. For me, i've learned i needed a paradigm shift: that it is important for me to enjoy the journey, rather than desperately try to reach a particular destination in my life. It starts NOW. With what I have, and what I don't have! I try not to put conditions on my happiness like, "I will be happy when i've found love," or, "I will be happy when i'm healthy," or "I will be happy when i make more money," or "I will be happy when____________." It might make a good exercise to discover how we answer this... what conditions we have placed on happiness. But life is change. There are always more goals, more destinations to reach as long as we breathe. If we're always waiting to get there before we are happy... we will rarely be happy. So whether i am ill, or alone, or unlucky, or poor, or have problems... i don't see that as an excuse. This day will never come again. Surely i can find some happiness in it.

Reading further posts i was reminded by one more thing:

If we are very depressed, often we don't want to do anything. We resist doing things! We "don't want to." But doing nothing will just cause stagnation, and depression will continue.

So as much as you are able, do things. Go see friends. Sign up for a night class. Go to a concert. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Tell your friends you need help pulling out of it, and ask them, if you like, to take you places.

My friend M is often very depressed, he's on medication and sees a psychiatrist and a therapist. And his friend J and myself have found sometimes if we invite him to things on the phone he'll say no, because he's feeling depressed and he wants to just lay in bed. But we have found that if we go to his door and surprise him and chat a little and then say, "Okay, M, we're going out, get dressed!" That he might complain a little, but he'll be glad to see us and he'll get dressed and we'll go out and he'll have a good day, and then next few days will be better for him.

So i guess my point is, if you're depressed be aware that not wanting to do things is normal, but forcing yourself a little to do more things will help you find your way out of the pain. You'll be distracted some from thoughts that make you unhappy, by doing things, and sometimes you'll find people or events that you really enjoy. It takes effort, but it is worth it!!!!!

CD, the quickest way to be happy is just to decide to be happy.

Welcome back, by the way--I must have missed your return, but I'm glad to see you here again

Hey Holly,

that is fantastic. your memory is great and your analysis is superb. Now, if you remember in one of your posts yesterday you said that you wanted to be happy. I thought I will make a general post and find out what happiness is all about. Because not only you but all of us need happiness and I thought that some conversation will help us.

I am surprised at Alexandra who many times behaves like a school teacher and tells everyone what to do.

If she thinks that I am making some post that is of no use, she should either inform the mod. or ignore.

thanks Barbara.

No, not you. never you.!

Yes. I agree with you.

Hi, Holly, I have made my comments in bold above.

Your post has made me happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Trish,

Hats off to you.

You are so systematic in your approach !
you are so caring and full of love!
You are a true friend!

May god bless you.

I will begin with your suggestions today and report the changes to you.

Thank you trish. Your post has given me grounds for thinking.....


These are things I have always done, and i personally think it's absolutely vital they are adhered to. I complketely agree and concur.



I hope you are not intimating that I have ever disparaged, accused or even trivialised or belittled anyone who has declared themselves to be suffering from depression.
Trish, could i just say that I have not always been this way.
I have known prolonged periods in my life that have brought me much suffering, pain and despair, and that had things swung differently, doubtless would certainly have led me into a spirsl of bleak oblivion.
But I managed to find my way out of such situations, and conquered the demons that threatened to overwhelm me.
I know the going is hard. i know obstacles seem insurmountable, and i know it is no overnight transformation. But that I have become the positive, energetic, smiling person that I am todasy is testimony to the fact that it is not impossible.
You may perceive I have no empathy, understanding or compassion for people with depression.
then you don't know me at all.
Please believe me when I tell you I always have you in my thoughts and prayers, such as they are...

I do not 'seem'positive. I AM positive. Genuinely and constantly.
It's taken tears, toil, heartache, effort and sheer bloody-mindedness, but it's been worth every broken, fighting, struggling instant.

Thank you.