BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids another dumb reason to have kids, i think...

I think it's selfless to say I don't want to pass on what's in my genes cos it's not the best or I don't know what's in my genes so I'm not gonna pass on the unknown!

"..through ALL the phases of childhood and teenage-hood..."
Babies are not so bad (to me.)
Pull-ups and poopy pants - "accidents" - not a fan of those!
Not fussed on teens although tots, 3, 4 and 5 year olds can be sweet.

And yes I wonder if some people DON'T realise they have a choice. E.g. (like I've said before), my hubby is Muslim and thought if you married you had kids - even though I don't think he was EVER very keen on the idea! I showed him, that's not neccessarily so! But when I was young I thought you had kids when you got married. (Before I learned about birth control!)

But maybe some don't have a choice - which is very sad!

I think you're right, Happy. I believe that conscious choice is a luxury enjoyed by a relatively small percentage of the world's population, women in particular. I have little doubt that if I had had the misfortune to have been born in, say, Afghanistan, I would lead a very different life and hold very different attitudes, and it probably wouldn't occur to me to consider an alternative. Having said that, every society has individuals of varying conformity and intelligence, so it is possible to have unthinking sheep in Europe and progressive, questioning thinkers in traditional societies.

Wow. It never occurred to me either to just blindly follow a script like that. I've always been a big questioner. I thought people were more that way these days, but maybe not everyone. Well, maybe she'll be happy with the life prescription she's following, but it certainly doesn't make everyone happy. If it doesn't, then at some point she'll be depressed and either go on medication, or finally look inside herself at what really makes her happy. If having kids makes her depressed, too bad because she's stuck.

I think when people get married and have babies really young, they just don't have time or energy to think deeply about their own lives. They're so caught up in the work. If they're a SAHM, then the husband probably makes a lot of the primary decisions, and the mom just follows along. I realize not every family is like that, but that is the traditional role.

Perhaps they don't want to think about their lives too much. If you start realising that you have choices, then you have to make them, and I suspect that, for some people at least, the idea of a pre-scripted life seems like an easier option.

I guess when my life stops being interesting and fulfilling and I have nothing left to do and millions of dollars to throw away, then I would probably have a kid.

See, this scares me, because I think the people that are reproducing hoards of children have this mentality. They are following what their church tells them to do, and then the world will be populated with a bunch of people that are blindly following someone else's rules.

But, there is a way out... I know because I broke free of the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic, and when I was about 18 I started questioning the faith, and trying to answer some of the glaring discrepancies I saw in their theology. So glad I did - it changed my life.

Some people that are raised under a conservative faith rebel and go in a different direction. But, you have to first be willing to look at it. And I think most people are too lazy to do this. They want someone else to tell them what to do. Or, they don't want to question it because their faith tells them it's bad to question theology.

It's hard, though, to think objectively about something that is beat into your brain from birth. It took me a long time to break free. And my life has been so much better since I left the church. I can breathe without feeling guilty!

This always amazes me - people who don't want to think about their lives too much, and just kind of go along according to the script. In the short term, I suppose it's a much easier path. Script followers get automatic approval from society. But over the long haul, isn't following the script harder? What if the parenthood script isn't what you're suited for? What then? Complain about it on truemomconfessions? How sad.

The thing about being CF is that it requires much thought. Perhaps that is why CFs (at least the ones I know personally & the ones on this board) are generally happy with their lives. As far as having kids goes, I imagine that parents who have actually thought about the choice beforehand are generally happier parents than those who were just following the script.

So I suppose, for me, the only reason to have kids would be that you've really thought about it (considered the hard realities and challenges, not just the Kodak moments), and still you want them.

When I see a really young woman that is pregnant, I always feel bad for her. I think, my God, she doesn't even know who she is yet, and she's going to be shaping someone else's life. And, she's cementing the relationship. If she grows and changes and the marriage doesn't work, she has a baby to tag along for the rest of her life.

I don't think marrying too young, or having kids really young is a good idea. Most of the people I know that married really young ended up getting divorced.

My personal unfavorite bingoes are:

1) Because there won't be any social security/workforce if you (Who, me? I can change the trend single-handedly?) don't have kids.
2) So you won't be LONELY in your old age.

My thoughts are:

1) Plenty of people opt to have kids. The childfree/childless are in the minority. I have paid into social security my whole career, I manage my retirement planning, and hey, social trends happen. Baby boom, baby bust. Can't really control those demographics all by myself, so I have to do what makes sense for me and my life. I am not going to "breed for the state", thanks. That is a little too draconian for my blood.

2) There are no guarantees. Plenty of people become estranged from their families, adult children may not be up to the task of taking care of you financially, physically, or emotionally. Even devoted and loving adult children may end up living in a faraway state, country, or continent. And it's a wee little bit selfish in my opinion, to create another human being whose life will be mortgaged to the obligation of caring for you in your dotage.

I love my life. I may live into my hundreds like my mother's parents or I could drop dead at 70 of a heart attack like my father's dad and granddad. Or I may get cancer or be on a plane that crashes. If I do end up alone at the far end of my life, I will have the most amazing, rich, fulfilling memories to keep me company. And I will have them because I am living my life to the fullest and not making choices out of fear of the future.


I think if people want kids, fine. I may have had kids if I had met my wonderful husband earlier in life. Not everything happends according to some grand plan. Oh well. I'm happy, DH is happy, we contribute a lot to our families, friends, and community. My life has been the road less traveled, sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance. I would not have had it any other way. No regrets here.

Bravo, good post! Something in another post got me thinking about this last night. They were talking about the fact that we aren't replacing the people that are already here. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around why that's a bad thing, but I was feeling a little guilty about not reproducing (hangover from being raised Catholic.)

But I agree. I have been paying into SS obviously, too. And, I'm not counting on it. I'm assuming it will be pocket change in the grand scheme of things.

I've got to think that the earth needs a break, and if we have a baby bust for a few generations, so what? I also agree that my DH2B and I can't single handedly reverse the trend. Maybe they should look at why so many women are saying no thanks to motherhood.

I know the earth can rebound from a lot of things, but I guess the concern is more about our country. Okay, so maybe there will be less people, but the quality of the people that are here will hopefully be better, because they are wanted. Maybe crime will decrease, too. Who knows?

When they say we aren't keeping up with previous population figures, maybe that's because the baby boom was so extreme? I don't think that was necessarily a good thing?

I just don't get it... it seems to me like overpopulation is an issue, but then I read some governments are paying people to reproduce? Can someone explain this to me?