BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids another dumb reason to have kids, i think...

Thank goodness this site can be anonymous, becuase this thought i keep having seems so ridiculous, but i wanted some feedback.
For now, I think it is fair to say DH and I will very likely stay CF. One of my reasons being i am well aware that thus far my reasons to want them are quite selfish (the usual ones discussed). Well, just when i thought I couldn't possibly have any more dumb reasons... sometimes when I am feeling really great about DH and our relationship (which of course is not always) and our life and the quirky and silly and sweet things we do, etc I find myself wanting someone to see that and enjoy it and experience it too, so I think, hey, a kid! I think deep down it is just wanting validation, almost wanting someone to be jealous. I think it might stem from feeling somewhat jealous as a kid of the independent life my own parents had at times without me [yes, yes, i was a needy only child] and somewhat left out etc but i dont know. I was just wondering if anyone had ever had this seemingly very selfish thought. At the same time, perhaps it is just the thought that we might be good parents. I dont know, but i am trying to be honest with myself.

On another note, i was in the grocery store and bending down to get something and was eye level with a kid in a cart, who proceeded to cough directly into my face [and old enough to know better and to cover his mouth]. The mother didnt even say sorry or anything, though she saw the whole thing. On they way home, I saw a kid on a leash, which while certianly convenient and practical, always makes me cringe. Can I get a leash for DH?

Here's another dumb reason to have kids: wondering what a kid from you and SO would "look like" genetically. I've seen this one ofen.

Dez

I totally understand. I sometimes want someone else to share things with too, besides my husband. Hard to explain, I know. I guess it's nice to have someone to look up to you. I guess that's one reason why I like my nephew so much. He LOOOVES me. But then I think about how this isn't going to last much longer (he's 2 1/2.) And my niece will be born in July. I picture taking her downtown to see shows just like my aunt (my mom's best friend) used to do.

I was (and am) lucky enough to have an awesome aunt! She's divorced, no kids, and lived in the house next door to us. I could call her up and say "I need to run away" and she would tell me if I could come over or not. She took me to garage sales on Saturday mornings, for treats at Taco Bell, to plays, to student conferences ... I learned alot about feminism, independence, about different cultures and travel experiences. She also took me to get my ears pierced when my mom didn't want me too (hee hee hee!)I could talk to her about some things growing up (and even in adult life) that I just wasn't ready to share with my parents yet.

My aunt is involved with my kids' lives too, knitted baptism outfits for them, reads stories, plays, buys toys ... so I don't think you need to be a parent to be able to have a "grandparent role" - if you choose to be involved in the lives of kids throughout their lives, you can reap some of the best parts of being a parent and grandparent along the way!

BTW my aunt & brother also have a good relationship - he helps her with electronic stuff, etc and she "grandmothers" his twin baby boys.

I know the lives of my brother & myself are broader and richer for having had a wonderful CF aunt. And the next generation benefits too! All this without her ever having to change a diaper (at least that I recall)!

Andie

I'm sure there are computer programs that can do this...much cheaper than having a kid! If I could find one I might do it out of curiosity, since I know we're not having kids beyond our canines. :-)

Cindy

Dumb reasons to have kids...well, I've heard an interesting one just lately.

Because my husband is likely to be deployed alot at our next duty station, one of his friends said to me:

"You can have kids. It will give you something to do!"

I wasn't aware that raising kids was a hobby. I thought it was a life-changing responsibility.

(Never mind the fact that I ALREADY have things to do!)

A friend of mine (another CF military wife) asked an acquaintance of hers what there was to do in the area. "There's a great playground this...a nice waterpark that..."

When my friend mentioned that she had no kids, the acquaintance replied, "Well, you should have one so we can go to the playground together."

Great reason to have a kid!

we have a sports bar here in Atlanta called Dave & Busters and there is a photo booth that morphs your pic and your SO to show what your kid would look like ... often hideous but fun!!

I think I'm a good aunt to my nephew. I take him to the zoo, etc. I made him a cross-stitched birth announcement. I made him a whole quilt, too. And I make stuff for all my friends' kids. So I spend a LOT of time doing things with kids in mind.

I also have put together 2 videos so far (one for each year) of my nephew. They are very "awwww" worthy. I like that my nephew is a creative outlet in so many ways. He is also my best subject for still photography. I cannot wait until my niece is born - I hadn't hit my photography phase when my nephew was first born and didn't get any "creative" newborn pics.

"Here's another dumb reason to have kids: wondering what a kid from you and SO would "look like" genetically. I've seen this one ofen."

I HAVE wondered a bit about this - as he's Egyptian and I'm New Zealand and that sounds like a nice match! (And, of course, we like the way each other looks very much!)

But then again I HAVE seen two kids who were Egyptian-New Zealand and while they were OK kids they looked normal not stunningly gorgeous! (Plus the boy would miss mummy so much he would cry and throw up - ew! I know some kids of ALL ethnicities can do THIS!)

Besides, who says it would only get our GOOD features?

Neither of us have the greatest nose! (for e.g.) and we both have to watch our weight, are short (but not ridiculously!) and have full eyebrows. That might not be a great combination! (Although some of our features etc. just ROCK!)

I don't ever think I will be "cool aunt" cos I don't think I'm maternal enough! I work with kids, have done for a while now and I think my maternalness has gone on that. I also think it helped put me off! I have a nephew and neice in Egypt and a neice and two nephews in New Zealand and I don't really have any interest in seeing them and hanging with them! Initially I wanted to see the ones in Egypt but after them keeping us awake a bit at night over there I think we both got a bit sick of them!

I also don't want to get too involved because as I have teacher quals and experience with little kids and even babies I feel I might have "babysitter" written all OVER me!

But when I DO see them all, I think I might be a bit of a "cool aunt" cos I have travelled a lot and I am GREAT at keeping secrets, plus very open-minded.

I think the fact that I live in a different country from my nephews and neices and that I'm not very close to my brother or my brother and sister in law comes into it too. I don't like my bro very much and don't have a great relationship with him. My brother and sister in law are nice. Brother in law doesn't speak much English though. Sister in law is educated, speaks fluent English and a nice person but I don't click enough with her to be really buddy buddy. Plus, like I said, we live in different countries.

""You can have kids. It will give you something to do!"

I wasn't aware that raising kids was a hobby. I thought it was a life-changing responsibility.

(Never mind the fact that I ALREADY have things to do!)"

EXACTLY!! I have a HUGE list of things I want to do, achieve in my life and learn and places I want to see!