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Ah - have missed posting to - Am actually a full time college student. Which I have been for some time so no big deal there, but recent I transferred to a much more expensive school - there for I have been working 2 full time jobs and taking 15 credit hours in the name of not going into any student loan debt. I have since learned more places to acess grants lol - so I am down to one full time job and a few hours here and there at the other. so now I have this thing that amazes me I believe its called "Freetime?"

On top of that in my local community I have been part of a Homophobia Hurts campaign - which thus far is just local but we hope it spreads like a disease! (notice the link to my blog with that name below)

Love chating with you skyhaven, I find my self agreeing with you all to often

Good for you Mindy, keep up the good work

Mozel tov Mindy. i am glad to see things out there like that.

whats it like to be straight? well I have no idea I have always been curvy! Oh you mean hetrosexual well I am with rueban I dont have a point of reference to being anything else so I guess my answer is still the same....

I would love someone to answer this question for me though...and I dont mean this is an offencive way but in the first post she says something about women live together and are ceilbete... does this mean that men dont live together and be ceilebete or that women that live together and have sex are suppost to not have sex or that they will eventualy not have sex? or does that mean that hetrosexuals have more sex then homosexuals?

I dont mean to get too personal the thought just struck me as odd....

I have a friend and her and her...."friend" lived together for many many years and adopted kids together back when that was just not done.. I did not know that they were gay until one of them died and someone else let it slip that they were not sisters or friends.... my friend is a lot older then me she is in her 60's or 70's...she went to school with my aunt and she is the one that let this slip out. anyways the friend has never came out really but we got to talking one day and she said something off the wall about going on a date. I didnt ask her if she ment a boy or girl friend because well it didnt matter to me. her "friend" died 5 yrs ago so... I figure if she wanted to date whoever she could. I am not sure why she said anything to me about it but... she did.

so here is my question... in light of the some switch back later in life comment..... Should I have acted like she ment a boy friend date after a long dry spell.... or should I have went with the what I knew about her and her "friend" being together for many many many years (as in since they were in college many years) and given advice like I would have to a widow?

I kind of froze and said nothing at all and just let her talk which I think made her claim up because she didnt say anything else about it. I didnt want to out her if she didnt want me to know but I didnt want to give dating advice to a widow like I would have a girl how just hasnt dated in a while... and I could not very well say I think she would want you to move on and date other people if it would make you happy but you need to be careful who you date and trust because things have changed in the past 30+ years! with out her knowing that someone had told me the truth!

will give you my perspective on two women living together cause well - I've been there - I have no idea what she meant by her comments but I believe that there is a spectrum of sexual activity in relationships. The same spectrum that exists in hetero couples. There are some men and women who have seperate rooms and aren't intimant - same goes for gays/lesbians.

Second - if you are postive that they were in a relationship together you should treat it like she is a widow - losing a life partner is traumatizing - more so if your having to hide the fact that you lost your life partner and having to pretend like it was just a friend to some Can't imagine trying to hide grief

So if you had asked someone advice and you thought that they had no idea that you really loved your friend like a spouse and not just a friend and they gave advice like you were a widow you would not be offended? or upset? my friend has know me sents I was born and I think she feel like a distant aunt in a way... she went to college with my aunt and they lived far away but I always made a point to go see them when they came up and they sent cards and stuff for my birthday and holidays. No one ever said anything about them being gay and because they lived so far away and my aunt and mom told me they were sisters I never thought twice about it.... and then one of them died. and I started asking questions and my aunt said that they werent really sisters they were just friends... when the one that is still living came up shortly after the other one died I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said no but I could not figure out why it upset her so much... My aunt then told me that they had been lovers for many years. My aunt is a very fundimental christian so I really had no reason to think that they were anything but friends that were closer then sisters...

So I I dont know if she would be comfortible knowing that I know that she is a widow or not.... that is why I froze. She is so sweet and timedily shy... I have alway been closer to the other one because she was very blunt and straight forward.She was also a Diebetic and so am I so we clicked on many levels! I miss her!
anyways now I am trying to find a way to draw B out of her shell and get to know her because she seems so lost and abandoned but this is kind of a wall or uneaseness... when I was young dating and boys and sex and gay and all those issues never came up in convertation... but NOW I am older and married and a massage therapist and the job in and of itself brings up the topic of sex because of the stigma of the job in this area and it is like we are talking and everything goes great and then one of those topic pop up and we are both like Well now what do I do? it would be funny if it wasnt us!!!

and another thing I use to be a very faithful fundimental christian with all that intails and she know that! the thing is I didnt really have all the views that the good christian little girl is suppost to have like all gays are going to hell and every other church on the block is also going to hell..only around my aunt, who I thought believed 110% that all that was true air go all her friend would believe this as well because they all went to Southern Nazarine Univercity... I tended to state those povs like a good little Christian girl should and everyone would agree and state the same pov farther making be believe that this is what everyone else believed as well.

So now I dont go to church and I never really had those views to began with but because I really wanted to be the Good Christian little Girl... I am sure she believe that I believe that way.

I dont know how to let her know that I dont believe that way and I never did. my only hope would be that E the one who died who I was close to and confided in that I had a friend that came out of the closet and I still wanted her as my friend but I was afriad that my aunt would be upset if she found out that my female friend was gay and I confessed that I thought it was stupid to think that she would go to hell just because she liked girls. LMAO!! boy looking back on that whole teary eyed confession she MUST have been laughing her a$$ off! I was about 16? I remember being so scared that my aunt would find out that my friend was gay and get mad and hate me forever! and I was so sure that E would be so shock and horrified at the idea that I had a gay friend and all the while she was gay and had been my aunts friend for more then 40+ yrs! I remember her calmily telling me that I had to deside for myself what was more important having my friend and and standing up for what I thought was right even against my aunt or letting my friend go for fear of what my aunt or anyone else would think else would think. and all the time she KNEW!!! the stinker! lmao! I wonder if she share the confadental story with B? I really dont think she would have but it is so funny and ironic I am not sure that I would be able NOT to share that story at some point in time! I wonder how she kept a straight face?!

Anyways you see what I mess I am in? any Idea how I can get out of this with out hurting her feelings or tipping her off that my aunt told me the truth? She is the only one that could have told me because not even my mom knew that they were a couple. I am sworn to secrets!!! ah and here I am telling all wonderful!

If it is someone she has lived with for all those years with - and shared a life with - regardless of if she is gay or not - its the same kinda life. this is where the term life partner comes into play. Losing someone you shared your life with is painful - lover or not.

Also in letting her know you understand and don't judge say that much. just tell her you love her entirely and that you understand her loss on some levels (tho you could never fully feel it) and hope you realize how important her happiness is to you. Simple hints like that tend to tip me off that people have caught on to my sexuality. Try this first - you may have to be more blunt later

She doesn't have to know your aunt told you - she lived with this woman long term - its not to hard to see I would presume. Honestly right now focus more on the loss than her sexuality - of course in the process you can subtle hint that you know - feeling known and like you don't have any secrets to keep can be a good feeling.

lol your right! I am an Adult now and it is not that big of a leep after all those years so she may not assume that my aunt told me anything! I was talking to her yesterday and we went out to eat and I ran into a friend of mine and his partner and I stoped to talk and when they left she asked me if they were gay and I said yes and that they had been partners for a year or so I thought... and I kind of told her that I had worked with J at the nusring home and he was a really great guy but I didnt know much about C and I really didnt like him because he seemed odd... and then I thought [censored] that might not have been a good thing to say but she just asked me if I had told J that and I told her no because I thought he loved the guy and we wasnt close enough for me to say hey this guy is a creep and you can do much better! and she laught and said that she hoped that we would be close enough someday that I would tell her that the person she was seeing was a creep if she ever started dating.

You know I wonder if she is not feeling me out to see how my aunt would react if she started dating again? Maybe My aunt told her that she told me she was gay and that I wasnt bothered by it. Maybe she has a new partner and she wants my aunt to meet this person but doesnt know how it will go over she that is why there is this uneasiness and its not a gay issue at all its a dating and breavement issue? mmm... I can handle that! if she she knows that I know then I can just give her advice and it wont hurt her feeling at all! I mean I am not sure that it would have anyways but... me tip toeing and talking in circles or freezing isnt helping and it is making both of us very uncomfortible! so after thinking this over and bit with your help! and thank you for you help! I think you are right! if I just give her advice like I would any widow in her spot but dont out right say boy friend or girlfriend and use her choice of words person and someone and that way when she slips up and says something in the way of gender it is on her terms and everyone is happy!!! thank you tahnkyou thank you thank you!!!!!

you're the best Mindy!

no problem - honestly just leaving out terms like boyfriend/girlfriend people figure out real quick - hehe thats my indirect way of coming out of the closet to some people. just say oh yea I'm dating someone special" "oh yea I'm meeting up with mmy someone special tonight" lol say that a few times and they catch on (most people)

haha I can see that. Its just differnt when you grow up around someone and you never thing about whos sleeping with who... and there are reasonible lies to explain away everything... and then you have the lie gone its like OH DUH! now what? lol she went back home yesterday so.. but we did get past the awkward weirdness that was there. I even go her email so maybe we can get to know eachother better that way. I think tit will work out just fine after all. I am kind of glad if she is dating again male female whatever as long as she is happy you know? I think my aunt thinks that she is now straight and she is past all that "gay stuff" but...I dont think she will be to wigged out if B brings a girl the next time she comes up. it is weird to watch my aunt struggle with the christian pov but not judge at the same time. she does it very well but there is this hopeful lineing in there that makes her think that b's being Gay is a phase that lasted 40+ years because she really loved E... so now what E is gone... Of course I dont think she has put that into those words to B or anyone else but it is there in the back of her mind.