BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development What helps you to change?

The man who does not think much of himself will never achieve much.
Feeling inferiority is no good to shape a character that changes the world.
To bring great changes one needs great people.
Gandhiji did that in India.
Churchill did that i second World War and founders of USA did that.
Small men like George Bush will only bring misery around them.
One need not have a superiority complex but one must have loads of confidence.
Who will get surgery done if the surgeon does not think much about his/her ability?

george Bush may appear to others to be small-minded and of no consequence, but this is the perception of others. I belibeve he sees himself in a quite different way.
Gandhiji was always modest and never promoted himself as a grandiose, confident self-assured person. To himself, he was a simple man, on a simple mission, with whom many happened to agree.

So perception of others need not coincide with the perception a man has of himself.
It is the person's own self-perception we are dicussing here.

So how does the person with such an attitude go about changing his mind-set?

No, I am not discussing about changing the mind set. I am speaking about self confidence. whether you show it or not is a different matter.

I believe that if we start believing that we are good about something, we will become good at that. That is the state of mind that needs alteration for change.

If somebody feels undeserving despite all the required qualities, he/she will never get what they deserve. To get that they must decide that they deserve. That can bring change.
Comment?

We are what we think.

How you feel about yourself starts first in your mind.
To change anything about what you feel you deserve, you must first change your self-perception. Your self-image starts in the Mind. If you don't believe in yourself - if you don't feel deserving - then the emotions - and your EGO - are playing tricks on you.

It all begins in our head, with what we tell ourselves.
To make any improvement on the outside, we must first address what is going on, on the inside.

i was saying the same thing.

Oh. Cool.

At present, we are all trying to change the way we think and feel about the ex-partner.

The recent discovery of more shocking lies has destroyed our belief (and comfort) that this person once loved us. It is as if 5 years have been 5 years of deception, and the happy memories we had have also turned out to be not what we thought them to be.

The change is hard, because love itself has been betrayed. We are torn between feelings of love, anger, deep hurt, and deep shock at learning the truth a year after the breakup. Betrayal of trust is a big one!

We are presently working through this grief process, but the grief process takes time and, as it has been pointed out to us, these are 'early days' and one cannot expect to be 'over' a broken relationship, which has involved lies and deceit, in just a year.

Being told that we 'had a lucky escape' doesn't help, and other well-meaning suggestions, such as 'find someone else' are a bit like the person who tells a woman who has lost a child to 'get pregnant again' (especially if she can't, for some reason!)

But change we must, and we cannot remove ourselves from memories when we are surrounded by them, in the home, in all the places we have been together, and from the memories which we believed were the happiest in our life. So the change has to come from within. We have to 'let go' and that is what we are finding very hard to do.

We are still working on it! But we WILL get there!

Ann.

Ann, this is your personal experience you are speaking of?
Betrayal of trust is a big one!
My abuser was one who I trusted most.
And I was abused for years.
I am going through the same thing that you describe above, except the addition of abuse by the same person.
Your post is as if somebody is speaking my mind.

Yes Das, this was my experience. It was my ex-partner.

Ann.

Do you still think about what happened?