BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Need serious advice about my "stepsister"

NO Jealousy or Competition for anything. We are like 12-13 years apart in age. She's not jealous of me, and I'm definitely not jealous of her. That is not what all this is about
You guys are missing the point. It's not so much her greeting my family with fake hugs and smiles as much as whenever she needs something is the only time she will bother with them. She'll ask for money and stuff like that. Or if anybody in my family finds out that she needs help with anything through her mom, we have all tried to help her. For example, helping her furnish her first apartment because she had no money.
She has no right and a lot of nerve to accept my family's help and our gestures if she doesn't like my family. I don't want my family to keep continuing to be taken advantage of like that.

Lower yourself to what level? Why would you be fake and give anybody the time of day if they're the type of person who isn't genuine, doesn't like you for no good reason, lies and tries to take advantage of you. Those kind of people, no matter who they are to you, should simply be ignored. And again, this is not so much what this is all about. Saying hi to somebody is one thing but going out of your way to hug somebody with a big fake smile and trying to act excited while doing while at the same time you honestly don't like the person, that's not right. If she would just say a simple hello to them, I would be alright with that, but she goes out of her way to be over-dramatically fake.

Force, you need to deal only with that that affects you personally. If it affects others in your family, then that's for them to deal with.
You can always tell them what your opinion is, from your perception or point of view, but you can't assume the right to think and have opinions on their behalf. you might feel protective, and wish to look out for them, but trust me, what you intend, and what others may perceive may not always coincide.
State your case if you really need to. say it "like it is" according to your perception. But they may not thank you if you stand up and mouth off at her about what you see as her deception.
Give them credit. Who knows? They too might have seen it.
so what?
If it is divisive, corrosive, damaging and negative, then maybe.
If it starts being a familial problem, and it creates disharmony and divisiveness, that's one thing.
But if she feels it might be a way of smoothing things over - even if you think her intentions are not up-front or honest - and nobody else seems to want or need to "rock the boat" - then the perception of it being a problem, is yours, nobody else's.

Force - Apparently, it was not advice you were seeking, but rather someone to assure you that you are right. If you look at all of the responses you received (including those, like mine, that may have been "dramatic") you may notice a common thread. We all seem to have the same general opinion that your family members are adults (as we are assuming you are) and that they can take care of themselves. So yes, we do �get� what you�re saying, but it seems that you won�t receive the advice you asked for.

This situation simply isn't your business. If your stepsister asks you for money, you certainly have the right to turn her down. But your other family members - including Grandma � also have a right to do what they want with their money. Quit selling them short and thinking they don't see what's going on. During her life, your grandma has probably seen a whole lot of people who had more fake behavior than your stepsister�s.

You seem like an intelligent and conscientious young person � excellent qualities for a sibling, child, or grandchild to have. And it�s great that you have ideals and the courage of your convictions. Still, perhaps this situation just doesn�t require your input at this time. I know you don�t want to hear it, but you could end up looking like you�re trying to stir up trouble, while your stepsister remains unscathed.

If you have such a problem with others helping your step sister, such as furnishing, (they probably got to clean out their basement), or money, (they probably contribute to charities), or "keeping the peace," because of respect for your father and her mother, then go ahead, vent to your family.

Let us know how that works out for you. After you have shed the light, what will happen? Your step mother will be deeply hurt, your father will be deeply concerned and maybe torn, nobody will help your step sister and you will feel better about yourself for "saving" everyone.

And as for your comment, tell the world what you think of them. I wonder where that will get you? Sometimes you just have to suck it up, and make polite gestures. Frankly, you'll feel better about yourself if you do. "Kill them with kindness."

You know you guys are reading way too much into it.
Making judgements on me, how my family will act or respond,
and drawing up your own overly dramatic soap operas in reference to my stepsister's situation.

So far the only person/member that has given me sound objective advice is ALEXANDRA.
Nothing personal, but maybe you should all read her reply to me in this thread and take some notes on how to give people advice.

Thanks for your time

Hmmm I believe she said many of the same things, just in a manner that you wanted to hear it. Because, I too agree with her. Just be careful, you may open a can of worms that you wish you hadn't.

Well I started telling my family members tactfully, one relative at a time. Starting with my cousins.
The only reason why I decided to do that, is just to prevent her from taken advantage of us with the following type of things:
Asking for stuff like money, help with school work, furnishing her apartment, cosigning on a loan....stuff like that.
Anybody in my family will no longer be involved in helping her out with such things as long as she doesn't like us for no good reason, and talks s#*t about us behind our backs.
Those are the type of things I'm concerned about. If she doesn't like us, then there are no good reasons to offer her our help with any of those kind of things anymore. There also are no good reasons to agree to help her with those things when she asks for it.
End of Story