BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Civil War Rages in the Office

by Nicki Defago (wrote Chilfree and Loving It)

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Sorry, I guess it's more of a prelude to the book... still good reading.

happytobechildfree:

Thanks for the great article. I can totally relate to the feeling of resentment towards people with kids in the work place. One of my coworkers is late on a weekly basis because of this kid or that. I sometimes wonder if she uses this as an excuse because nobody questions her because she says it has to do with her kids. "this one missed the bus" or "that one is sick" etc. I get really tired of it. I don't get to leave for sporting events or plays or whatever. Another one of my coworkers leaves in the middle of the day to go to a music program for her grandson! Geez. It is very frustrating.

It seems to be an "in thing" now days for parents to leave work and have lunch at school with thier kids. It wasn't that way when I was little. In fact, if my mom showed up to have lunch with me, I would have buried my head in the sand. That would have been sooooo uncool. Something like that in my childhood days would have ruined your reputation.

This was a really great article. Thanks for sharing it! I suppose I am fortunate to a certain extent because those in my department do not have children. (Although we have a newbie starting in July who is a mom) I do have some co-workers who insist on bringing the little darlings by the office every now and again. It used to happen quite frequently but it has tapered off lately thank God! I think the owners/management realized how distracting and inconvenient it was to have children running around.

And totally true as well. As the author pointed out, played out in offices all across the country every day...

As a manager, my answer is to let them go to recitals or swimming carnivals, no problem, but they can take a vacation day, or unpaid leave. When you have two people working the same job in the same office, you have to have equality. If one isn't at their desk, and the other is, the one who isn't shouldn't be paid for their time off.

Sick leave is a tough one, especially for single parents who can't split the duty with a spouse. I'd agree that there has to be some leeway there. But two or three days a month is not reasonable in anyone's book, and an employer, especially a small one, can't be asked to carry a burden like that. So many people don't appreciate that time is money - as long as it's not their money, that's okay.

SmallTownGirl, if that was one of my staffers, I wouldn't find that acceptable. If she's late, she needs to make up the time. If she's constantly late, that's a warning. If she wants her pay docked, she can be as late as she likes. Tough? Probably. Fair to her co-workers? Certainly.

In the end, it still boils down to choices. Nobody can say that they didn't know that they were going to have to make sacrifices when they had kids. Those sacrifices are the reason that many women choose not to, because the price is too high. Make your choice, be aware of the repercussions, and don't try and bend the rules afterwards...

Yes! What's up with that? I don't ever remember parents coming to school with kids when I was in school. That would have been so embarrassing! But now, from what I hear, parents regularly have lunch with their kids, or if the are SAH and bored, they can go sit in the classroom! One of my coworkers who is a parent would volunteer at her daughter's school and actually HELP by making copies, helping in the school office, which is great, but she also said that one of her daughter's classmate's mother would come into the classroom and plop her butt on a couch during the school day, and bring her under-school-age child with her! How distracting for the other kids who are there to maybe LEARN something??

Cindy

BTW, at my workplace we have flexibility for everyone. We are only supposed to use our sick time for our own illness, not a child, pet, spouse, etc. Otherwise we have to use vacation time. The use of vacation time is not questioned, the idea is it's your time, it's up to you as to what you use it for. And there are plenty of parents who use up their vacation time for kid's school functions, kid sicknesses, kid day off school, etc. I'm glad I can use my vacation for fun things!

Pikasam, I agree with your policy 100%. Sounds fair to me. I guess it bothers me more because I HATE being late to anything. She acts like it is no big deal and that our firm owes her so much flexibility just because she has kids. Don't get me wrong, we all get some flexibility with doctor appointments and such, but she takes it to the extreme. None of her "kid problems" counts against her vacation or anything. It is rediculous.

WTF??? Moms going to kid's schools to have lunch and hang out??? Parents need to let the kid's develop some independence! That was unheard of when I was a kid with the exception of "show & tell" when we could have a parent as a guest - that was kind of fun but didn't happen often and was
scheduled.

Sorry ... got a little riled up. The article was a good read. I hope employers appreciate the value of the CF labor pool.

If my parents showed up at school, it meant one of two things.

1. I was injured.

2. I was big trouble.