BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Husband dropped the BOMB

I'm going to be honest...reading this kind of thread just blows my mind. I can't imagine being told by a man that we HAD to have kids.....I would think that he was trying to break up with me since that would be like relationship-kryptonite for me. Now, I know and own that I have issues but I guess I work with too many women that have been abandoned by spouses, lovers, et c when they became parents. Not to mention, my crazy family and all of the fatherless children in my family.
Fleurie-I do hate that for you and any CF minded woman that has run into this sort of thing. I swear, it's like some sort of cruel joke that we end up meeting these kind of men. Not, that they are bad men, they just seem like they would be better suited for the pro-mommy "side of the force."

I hope you are vigorously pointing out your brother's situation to your DH! Too bad for your brother, but that just points out how much strain children are on a relationship, and how the woman ends up with the vast majority of child care time. There's nothing equal about it, which is why it's often such a joke when men say they want to have children, then want to be "Kodak moments dad" and leave Mom with all the dirty work.

It also proves the point why it's a BAD idea to have a child to "make your partner happy" especially if you're a woman, because if the marriage ends in divorce, guess who usually gets the kids? Yep, the mom.

Cindy

And if the mom doesn't want the kids, then she is looked upon as practically evil. It's a lose-lose situation.

Fleurie -- the long road of couples counseling and therapy will be hard, yes....but SO worth it! If you connect with the counselor and open up, you'll learn alot about yourself, your husband, and your relationship. Maybe the children answer will become startling clear for both of you.

I think all couples should have counseling, especially premarital. It's healthy -- even just a checkup every year or so, like going to the doctor or dentist! Mental health check up.

It *is* no-win, either way...but choosing parenting involves an innocent third party. That argues for no kids, every last time, whenever there is a doubt. Children deserve parents who want and love them. And you deserve the life you want --- and the life you thought you had with your husband, until he started (apparently) confronting his feelings of mortality ("I'm gonna die...better leave something behind".

Go, Pikasam!

As a woman who used to be obsessed with geeks (white collar computer nerds) and who is now married to a city letter carrier for the USPS, I can tell you that blue collar guys ROCK!

(particularly if they're snipped, like mine!)

<gloat>
<happy dance>

Hope you had a great date!

Elise, I think I got the best of both worlds. My SO is a white collar computer geek from a blue collar family with a blue collar mentality. Now if only he'd get snipped...

Fleurie: I know your post is from a couple of weeks ago, but after reading all the thread, the thing that stayed with me the most is the one about your DH having alcohol problems. I just want to say this: My dad is an alcoholic. He was not an abusive father, and we always had everything we needed and a lot more but, BELIEVE ME, the childhood of children of alcoholics is NO walk in the park. It's something that stays with you for life. Sure, there is light at the end of the tunnel, if you do the work to get rid of your childhood issues, as I have, but why even consider subjecting a child to anything like that?

I feel for you, and will keep you in my prayers. I do hope you decide to seek counseling both, individually, and as a couple. It seems to me that the issues are beyond remaining CF.