BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Will be 30 soon feeling CF pressure

I've just seen this on truemomconfessions.com and couldn't help posting it here:

"I so wish I could talk to those women who are on the fence as to whether or not they should have kids if they are uncertain. Speaking from experience - please don't. I was one of those women who never really took an interest in babies, never offered to hold or babysit other people' kids, never felt the ticking clock, etc. It's not that I don't like children - I do - but I would have been perfectly content to remain childless.

Unfortunately I caved into the pressure from family, friends and ultimately myself. I was the only one in my closeknit family without a child. They all seemed so happy that I began to think that maybe I was missing out on something. Both my parents were seriously ill and I knew they would be over the moon at the prospect of a grandchild. I had been married 7 yrs and my dh always left the child option up to me.

Now here I am a few years later w/ a one year old. It is hard, so hard. The maternal instinct never kicked in. I have no patience and absolutely no clue how to raise her. People always used to tell me "it will be different when its your own". It wasn't. I love my girl but will always feel she would have been better off with someone else. I wish I would have had the courage and conviction to say that I was totally ok to be child free. I liked my job, my freedom and living on my own terms. Now every day is filled with guilt. I have a little girl who did nothing to deserve a [censored] up mom and a good husband who tries so hard to make up for my shortcomings.

I am determined however, that my daughter will never know that I regret my decision."

This is exactly what I'm afraid I would feel like if I ever ended up having a child (not that I've ever been on the fence about it). It's a frightening reminder that "it's different when it's your own" isn't always true, and that maternal instinct doesn't always save the day. I feel deeply sorry for women like this who give into pressure against their better judgement, and wish that more of them spoke up - perhaps it might stop others from repeating the same mistake.

Manatee, I want to frame that. At least keep it available for anyone who wants to try and talk me out of my childfreedom....

Welcome to the board ... your situation sounds like what a lot of women here are going through or have gone through at some point. I hope that you feel at home here. :-)

Thank you so much for your insight and everyone out there for your support.
My husband just had his 33rd b-day last week and the majority of our friends have kids and I think between that and his family that they have influenced this change in him.
I am so afraid to talk about it with him because I know it is just going to lead to a huge blowout and it may be time for us to seek counseling. I have been even thinking about writing to Oprah to see if she can air a segment about being CF. I just watched a story on what is Taboo to talk about in America I think it was on this past Sunday night on NBC. I was so happy to hear about women who are afraid to speak up about how miserable their life is now that they have kids.
This topic needs to get out in the spotlight, it is 2007 for crying out loud why does it seem it is a requirement to re-produce???

WOW, is all I can say to that truemomconfession post. I feel so awful for that woman, and her husband and child as well. I know if I was somehow forced into becoming a mom I would be so very bitter and angry about it. anyone in your situation, Jeepgirl, should show that to their SO who is pressuring for children--not to change their mind, but to show what could be a consequence of giving in to someone else's pressure.

I feel your pain because I live every single day in fear that my SO will change his mind and decide he wants kids. I've told him this and he says "i'm crazy, he loves me, no matter what i want he will always be there"--but i'm sure many of you have heard that before. what worries me is that when i informed him of my staunch position, he was so quick to be okay with it that i don't think he put a ton of thought into it. so of course, i'm worried about when he gets around to thinking about it. he tells me i worry about this too much, but then i read posts like yours and i realize that i'm not worrying ENOUGH!! It seems as though the child bug can bite at any time, any place, and no one is immune (except me).

best of luck with your situation, i hope your husband comes around and realizes that marriage is a forever thing, and that the two of you can have a terrific, fulfilled life, without kids.