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Joined: Mar 2007
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438 |
I get the Naming Rabies too (we're going to have to come up with a name for that!).
I take it out on pets, cars, trees...log-in names. I always change my mind about names. Now that I think about it, wouldn't it be cool if we could change our name every year? First and last? I'd LOVE that. Of course, you wouldn't have to, but anyone could. That way we could get this desire to name things out of our system!
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222 |
I actually have a name picked out for both a boy and a girl, which makes me sad to think that may never happen. So many people say that if you aren't sure, you shouldn't have one. But one thing I AM sure of is that I want my husband to have that chance. That makes this that much harder for me.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862 |
I think on something this life-changing, you really have to go with your gut and do what is right for you. Especially being a woman, and being the one who will go through pregnancy, labor and childbirth. It's not without risk, despite medical advances. I know a coworker who had a baby "because her husband wanted one". Well, guess what? They're divorced, and she has the majority of baby care. I think her husband gets the kid every other weekend, she has him the rest of the time. She of course loves her son, but she didn't want a child, her husband did. He just wanted "his boy" to carry on his name. At least your husband is being more mature and not pressuring you. The thing is, we don't know our future. Even if you have the most wonderful, loyal, gonna-stay-married-for-life husband, who knows exactly how long a life will be? Another coworker of mine, her husband had a stroke at age 35. Who could expect or plan for that? Fortunately he's pretty functional, but he has speech issues from the stroke and can't hold a job anymore. So she effectively has three children, counting the two she and her husband had before the stroke. She works part-time, but can't afford to look for a full-time job because she needs the medical benefits and flexibility her job provides, for her husband's therapy. Anyway, my point is, do what's right for YOU, because you never know what the future brings, and you could be left alone, raising a child alone. I think you have to be okay with that if you decide to have children. I'm not okay with it, so I choose CF! Cindy PS. It's also been discussed on other threads how to make a positive impact on children's lives without being a parent. Lots of good suggestions, if your husband really wants to be around children. I am so glad I read this thread. I am also confused on whether to be CF or not. I am 30 and so is my husband. He adores children and is great when he is around them. His face completely lights up. I always thought we would have a child some day, but I never had that urge or desire to go ahead and do it. I knew if it happened, it would have to be an accident. Well, a year ago, it happened. That was when I became a wreck thinking a child would end my life. I miscarried at 6 weeks. Suddenly, I wanted it back more than anything. I even felt like something was missing in my life and I was a bit bored with it being just the two of us and several pets. Two months later, however, I went back to not wanting them. Now, a year later, here I am. My DH really wants children, but I am not so sure anymore. He too says he will not try to convince me either way and that the decision is all mine (why do I hate that?). Anyway, like most of you, I too find that maybe once a month I start to have the desire to have them. Then, a few days later I break down crying because I think I don't want them, but at the same time, I do not want to deny my DH the chance to have his own child. I also think about wanting to Name one, and also shopping for some of those cute maternity outfits, but when i think of having a child in my house 24/7. Another talking human being, I freak out.
I am just glad to know others get the baby rabies...of course, my situation may be a bit different since I will always think I will be miserable with a child, yet at the same time, I have been miserable for a year thinking that I am denying my husband something he really wants. So, I lose either way. lol.
If I had never got pregnant, I think I would still feel that it will happen someday, but now I feel I have to decide one way or the other, and I really don't know what to do. This is the biggest and hardest decision I ever had to make. All others (college, marraige, moving, etc) have ways to get out of them. Having a child, however, is for life.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862 |
Why do you have to decide right now, anyway? You're only 30. You have some time. Try not to pressure yourself, relax, and think about it slowly.
Cindy
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222 |
If my husband and I ever divorced with a child, I probably would be a bit annoyed, but never at the child. And if my husband ever passed away young, I think that may actually be one of the only times I would maybe regret not having a child, so that a part of him could live on in this world (even if the world is not always that great), but that might be the only time.
I know I don't have to decide right now and I have time. I just think that since I got pregnant before and miscarried, I suddenly feel this biological clock ticking that I didn't realize was even there.
Yes, my husband is being very mature about it. Even admits that he has no clue what having a child would be like. He just knows he would like to have that experience. However, he says that if we don't have one, he could be okay with that too. You really should see him when he is with kids though.
I have seen the other threads where people can help out with other children. He likes kids, but he doesn't really want to have to do all that for one that isn't his own. Yet, I know that with his own, he would be like Mr. Mom.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862 |
I can be great with kids too, I just like leaving them with their parents when I want to go home, and enjoy the peace and quiet (when the dogs aren't barking) there. The other night at a party at my brother's house (a kid-friendly one) I was watching a movie (Elf) with a nine-year-old boy (a son of one of their friends), having a conversation with him, and enjoying hanging out with him because he was a pretty smart, nice kid. My brother's wife came by and saw me, and she said "Are you SURE you don't want your own? You're doing so well with him!" I said "Yeah, but he's not coming home with me!" She nodded understandingly. She has two boys of her own, 10 and 13 and has been a single mom until she recently married my brother.
Cindy
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222 |
Oh, it definitely is not just about him being great when he is with other kids, but rather the way his face lights up when he sees someone walk by with a baby. I know that he would be a great father. He is a great husband too. He would not mind them being around all the time, but like you said cookiecody, I feel more like you. I can get along with my nieces and nephews, but I am glad they aren't coming home with me. However, they aren't mine either, and weren't raised they way I would have raised them. That could make a difference. The reason I am so undecided though is because there is no guarantee that it would be different with your own. lol. I guess it is good that I am thinking about this rather than just jumping in and doing it clueless.
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Joined: Mar 2007
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438 |
rns, I've had that thought about what if my husband died early...would I regret not having a child (or his child)? He's older, and has had health issues. If we had a kid, I'd have some immediate family left if he died, and someone that would remind me of him. On the other hand, being a single parent seems really hard, and if the opportunity arose to move on to another relationship it is so much more complicated with a child. I've been there on the child end. It sucks.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002 |
That's where pets can be good. You can give them names. The funny thing is, I am SO BAD with making up names for anything. It took me 2 months to name my glider (when he was in-pouch,) and then the name didn't fit him at all when he came out of pouch, so I had to change it. I can't even come up with names for characters in my screenplays, or titles for my documentaries, etc. I also think about WHY I want to name a child ... I think to honor someone? I love hearing how people got their names. My sister is naming her daughter Emily Sophia after both her grandmothers. Maybe I'll start doing that in my screenplays. I'll name all my characters as if they were my children. Never thought of that before.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002 |
I get the Naming Rabies too (we're going to have to come up with a name for that!).
I take it out on pets, cars, trees...log-in names. I always change my mind about names. Now that I think about it, wouldn't it be cool if we could change our name every year? First and last? I'd LOVE that. Of course, you wouldn't have to, but anyone could. That way we could get this desire to name things out of our system!
I once named a baby pine tree Fonzie because he (it, sorry) had two little branches that stuck out like Fonzie's thumbs-up and "eyy..." (Don't know how to spell that.)
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