BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Thought this was interesting...

Are men obtuse? Actually, I think they've found a pretty effective way to undermine the parts of feminism they don't like (primarily equal responsiblity for household chores) by being passive aggressive. They just "don't know" and need to be told. Yeah, right!!

I think I need to get a subscription to that magazine EW.

I agree that a man should do his share when it comes to raising kids. The grunt work and heavy lifting of parenting doesn't interest me at all. Here is a list of reasons WHY I'LL NEVER HAVE KIDS. Feel free to add to this list.

1) At my current savings rate, I'll be able to retire in my late 50s or early 60s. If I had to put a kid(s) through college I'd have to work until I die. NO THANK YOU! A 35 to 40 year career will be more than long enough. Of course there are lots of other expenses that drain a parents bank account: clothes, higher grocery bills, expensive car insurance, higher utility bills and extracurricular activities to name a few.
2) Reading children's books doesn't interest me at all. I don't want someone choosing reading material for me.
3) I need full night of sleep, uninterrupted by crying or sick kids.
4) I don't mind cooking and shopping for myself or for two when I have been in a relationship. I have eaten enough meals with small children. Meal time turns into a chore getting kids to finish their food and eat their vegetables.
5) Helping with homework would be a drag as well. I am not interested in resolving Algebra problems I solved 20+ years ago.
6) Having to "schedule sex" when the kids are out of the house or asleep. I enjoy spontaneity in my love life.

After writing the above list, I'll repeat that I have zero regrets about getting snipped. The $200 is quite a bargain for sterilization and a lifetime of peace of mind, isn't it DSTLADY. Hope all goes well with your surgery tomorrow.

Mike

Thanks for making me laugh with this one.

Seriously, for what? So they can talk back to us when they are teenagers? I look at my parents, especially my Dad, and he still works SO hard. And my youngest sister has tortured my parents for like the last ten years.

I KNOW they don't want her visiting them in the nursing home. They would prefer to just fade away alone if she was going to be their bedside companion.

Hi everyone!

I'm new to the board and I think it is a coincidence that you are talking about the sharing of the parenting workloads.

When my husband and I were talking about this topic a couple of weeks ago, he told me, " The father's role is like a guest star in a sitcom. You enter, get them all excited, and then leave. The mother is the director." Ha! So that made me happy that we have been talking about this for a good while and I have said that I didn't particularly want to be a mother anyway! He also said in a following conversation that he felt he was a "man of the 50's era." The context of this statement was in talking about the father's role in parenting. He was saying that he has more traditional values and has been brought up that way--then that was the reason he felt that he was more comfortable being the play-with-them and pay-for-them type of father. i.e. not helping much with the day to day "motherly" chores of parenting.

I love my husband and I believe that since we have been together for 7 years I have always known this about him. These "traditional views" apply only to parenting. On all other levels he is wonderful and progressive. I do, however, think that many other guys must think this way about parenting, too. My father certainly did!

Alison

I joke that I would have kids if I could be the "typical" man. In truth, my husband would likely do 70% of the work of raising kids. But he would have to be willing allow me to have the what has been the "typical" father role and take care of just about everything for me to even consider it!

For us, the interest just isn't there. Fortunately, for either of us. I work with Big Brothers Big Sisters and have 100 part time kids. Which, by the way, makes a great answer when people ask why we are not having any

Mike, I love reason number two. That goes along with the fact that i am just not interested in what kids like to do until they are about 12. I can handle angst. I cannot handle reading three little pigs every night. And knowing this about myself, would it even be fair to have a kid, knowing I would not enjoy 2/3's of raising it?

Alison, my dad was the same way. He traveled a lot and when he was home we were so excited. He had all of the fun and my mom got all the [censored]! Is it any wonder we don't want to be moms?

Mike mentioned having to work until he dies to support his family.

The other thing I see is that parents get stuck doing work they don't necessarily like for the sake of the children. If you are just supporting yourself, you can afford to take a pay cut to do something you really like, or something you were trained to do.

Especially when women take off for a while to have kids. No one wants them, and they are stuck with [censored] jobs.

I agree with Alison and Chaco, too. The father role is so much more appealing. It's amazing to me that women are so into motherhood. I think they just think of the cutesy baby phase, and once they have one, they are stuck with it.

I actually had a friend tell me that that she had her third child b/c she wanted a baby again. Well, I hate to point out the obvious, but that baby also grew up. I hope it was worth for the few years of baby.

I've heard a couple of women say this too - women who love being pregnant and love the feeling of holding a little baby so much that they need to have another one. It just baffles me. What a stupid reason to have a baby.

I agree. VERY Stupid reason to have a baby. If you love babies so much, get a job at a local daycare center... they have all the babies you could ever dream of there, and you don't have to support them for life, and you keep getting new ones!