BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Feeling guilty

Strange, today was a relatively good day for me I was actually happy for part of it, then I started feeling guilty because I was happy.
*very heavy sigh* I hate when that happens.
Well I've taken my first baby step again for about the millionth time.
Don't know how many times I've thought about leaving and the very few times I've actually tried. (can count them on one hand) but I feel a bit stronger today not much but a bit.
I know I'll have set backs though because I have had plenty of them in the past, sometimes more then my fair share it seems.
Fear is so dibilitating and not easy to over come I know that much because my life 99.9% of the time feels like I'm living a nightmare.
Ah well here's to trying again for the millionth time and hopeing that this is the time I actually succeed.
Thank you all for your support.
Oh and by the way yes I would love some help even though I do have sort of a game plan more help couldn't hurt.

I would start feeling insecure when i felt happy... still do, sometimes!

But you are ALLOWED to feel happy!

hmmm. Anything we can do to help you feel stronger and more centered these days? Sometimes i find that knowing what i stand for helps me to feel more centered and less upset when things happen. For example, I know that when i receive criticism, i want to stop and consider if its being said in a helpful way or an angry way first, before accepting that its true and letting it get to me. I don't always succeed, but knowing what i want to do ahead of time, helps.

My friend Rose uses humor to help sheild herself from feeling hurtful criticism. If you crack a joke... even if you just keep it to yourself, it helps deflect the criticism!

I manytimes feel that I deserve unhappiness.

dear das,

NO ONE deserves unhappiness. I don't know what you feel you did to deserve unhappiness, but you should forgive yourself, so you can move on with what you have learned from your experience. Feeling badly holds us back and keeps us from living our potential. Happiness helps us to be more giving in our lives and when we're happy it rubs off on others, too... so it's a gift.

Sometimes when i am being hard on myself i think of how i would respond to a friend if they did the same thing that i am feeling badly about. Never once have i come across a time when i would not forgive and encourage.

We're all human, and we make mistakes and have shortcomings. That's part of being human. But we ALL deserve to be happy.

I have had phobias since my childhood. Whenever I was in school, I was worried that my home was getting burnt down. I have many such fears that do not leave me.

Guilt is not real. Like pain, which is also not 'real' it is merely a process you are going through.
You can't touch it, see it. tangibly feel it, taste it or hear it.
So it's a product of your mind.
Look at it this way.
Your mind is an extraordinarily complex and sophisticated computer.

You program it.
RIRO.... You know? Rubbish In, Rubbish Out.....(Sometimes known as CICO....! :D)

you can de-program it.

As with all processes, it takes time and effort.
But it can be done.

EDIT NOTE: I always seem to put "extraordianrily" - !!

It is also called as GIGO.

Skye, I am not sure what state you are in but I do have a listing of resources in each state in America (working on other countries, if you know any email me please!!) loceated here

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Skye,
Good luck.

dear das,

I had many many anxieties when my marriage broke up. My ex was obsessed with trying to frighten me, and he harassed me for some time even after i would have nothing to do with him. Anyone would have been frightened of his behavior at that time, but even after he quit harassing me, my fear was still there, and almost anything could frighten me. It made it very hard for me to feel at peace, or even to function for some time.

So i started looking for solutions to lessen my fear, and i got lucky when i came across a program started by a woman who used to suffer from panic attacks herself. Her name is Deanne Repich, and her program helped me tremendously. She teaches that we actually create our anxiety by blowing one thought way out of proportion. So she teaches how to improve your diet and health to reduce anxiety, how to stop your fearful thoughts from escalating, how to question the truth of what you are thinking, and how to distract and calm yourself. Her program also includes relaxation tapes. It really works! Here is her website.

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