BellaOnline Forums Relationships Single Life I don't feel bad about my neck. Really

Not only am I starting to feel bad about my neck, but I'm beginning to feel bad about feeling bad about my neck.

It's not that I want to feel bad about anything. And my neck was never something I even paid much attention to. It's just that everywhere I look, I'm getting bombared with feel-good-you-go-girl messages aimed at midlife women.

And now I'm worrying that I actually have something to feel bad about.

It all started when I ordered Nora Ephron's funny book "I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts About Being a Woman" from Amazon for a girlfriend's birthday a while back.

Then, the recommendations started coming in about as fast as my mother can dole out advice � and let me tell you, that's fast.

"Hey Kat!" Amazon alerts me in a way that strikes me as way-too-familiar. "Customers who ordered "I Feel Bad About My Neck" also bought. .." and then there are five or six books with titles like "Slap on a Little Lipstick ... You'll Be Fine" and "The [censored], the Crone, And the Harlot: Reclaiming the Magical Feminine in Midlife " � all with snarky titles but whose message seems to be, you're old and there's nothing you can do it about it but if you're not trying to do something about it then something must be very wrong with you.

I know I'm getting older!! And none of the affirmations, get-with-it sister humor or here's-how-others-turned-this-into-the-best-time-ever messages will change that. But the blitz of books on how to be single, perimenopausal and fortysomething isn't making me feel better about it. It just keeps drawing attention to something I'd rather not notice ... and that I hope others don't, either! "I Feel Bad About My Neck" is a cute book, a light read, a good laugh. It's not a life-altering manifesto.

Plus, I don't like it when any inanimate anything anticipates what I may like. I'm the adult here, I do the thinking and I'll decide for myself, thank you very much. And when a title like "Martha Stewart's Keepsake Wedding Planner" pops up out of some universe other than the one I think I'm living in, I can't help but think, "Amazon, you don't really know me all that well, now do you?" Kinda like the man I married ...

I'm OK with who and what I am, fortysomething, divorced and all. I don't need Amazon helping me out with how I should be living my life, even if I get 20 percent off and free shipping.

I mean, I'm worth so much more than that!

Anyone else have enough of these life-affirming midlife single women books?
Kat Wilder: My So-called Midlife

You my dear, are a wonderful writer. I laughed so hard after reading this. I am 40-something (married) women and I constantly see messages about how I need to fix my marriage. Hello, there is nothing wrong with it! Also, I don't have children, and I've seen a lot of books out there about how I can make my life fulfilling. I guess I thought I was already okay.

Chel

Hi Chel,
Thank you for your kind words.

Yeah, you know, I think this relates to the self-absorption of the boomer generation. I wish we could get over ourselves already!

I love pop music, too. Well, all types of music , from opera to .... some hip-hop.

And, you are OK!!!!!

The neck thing that is so funny. I noticed my neck about six years ago, trying on clothes in a nicer department store. Yikes. I no more than made my discovery, and this clerk with giant angel wings came up to me and asked me to model for their women of today fund raiser. Well I was flattered, and on my way out of town. Unfortunately it didn't change the fact that I wore turtle neck sweaters for the next six winters. And more unfortunately now that I have a middle age middle, that I find disgusting yet I remain unmotivated to do anything about it, the turtle necks just enhance the middle, so now I just get to wear something over that. I really don't mind either, I've had four children, wore a very small size for a very long time. Now I just wear a size bigger. Middle age... it's ok. I guess what I'm saying is, "I don't mind so much," why should Amazon?

Exactly, jwonder!

If everyone just stopped fussing about it, it wouldn't feel as bad as it sometimes does.