BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Doubts? More or less as you get older.

lngilbert, that is how I feel. If at some point I meet a child who needs a home, I would likely be happy to take it in. It is there and has needs and I could provide. It makes me sad to think of kids aging out of the system with no place to go for the holidays, or no one to celebrate their birthday. I am like this with animals also.

At this point I'm only taking in animals unless my nieces suddenly need a new home.

I've been kind of thinking about his marriage remark all weekend and I must admit, I don't feel bad about it. I kind of felt like, "Huh, now we both have something we're hemming and hawing about while the other feels pretty firm in their belief." It actually gave me some more peace, if that makes any sense.

My BF's reasoning was similar to yours in that it doesn't make the relationship any less or more special- and to him, its just a piece of paper that causes a lot of headaches and financial loss, lol. I can see his point. I never fantizized about a great wedding like a lot of my friends did- more like, just a beautiful lifelong commitment to someone who loves me and respects me for who I am. I see images more like traveling together and creating wonderful memories. For some reason I felt it would be more binding to have that piece of paper, but now I'm not as fussed. besides, our relationship is very young, imo (just over a year).

But yes, it is strange that he wouldn't want to get get married, but may want kids. I guess I'm a traditionalist in that sense and don't down on anyone who chooses not to be married and procreate, but the way he backs up having kids it would just seem to go hand in hand.

I agree. I too am afraid of losing the life we have now.

My husband loves children, but he definitely wants one of his own. He wouldn't even want to adopt. He feels if you can have your own, you should. He wants to see what we could "create".

Inglebert - I also love to see my husbands face light up when he is around children. I know he would make an awesome dad, which is why this is so hard on me.

I was completely up to the idea of having a child until it almost actually happened. Now I am just confused. I too cry a lot because I don't want to deny him something this important in life, but I am so afraid of not being happy. Once you have a child, you can't go back. I guess I am scared that day of wanting them will never come to me. I am not scared for me, but for him. I love him so much and when you love someone you should be able to share something as big as this with them. It is nice to know I am not alone.

Oh, and if I couldn't have children, that would be one thing. But since I was pregnant, we both know that I am capable of getting pregnant.

This is the type of decision no one can make for me but myself. That is what makes it so hard. I am [censored] with decisions to begin with and I feel like all the weight falls on me. Can I truly be happy knowing I deny him this? But could I be happy with a child?

I always start to feel a little better about the idea of maybr having one, but I always end up back in this state.

I hope being here will help me.

I can see where you are comming from as this is how I am feeling at the moment.My sister is due to give birth at any time now and my s.i.l is due in /aug so it seems everyone around me is having babies.

My husband and "I have such a great lifestyle,we both have good jobs and we both have all th freedom in the world ad I just knowthat by having a child that will all be a thing of the past. I would NEVER leave my child in day care so that would be a huge thing for us to live on one wage ( not possible) but that is not the main reason why I wont. I guess the main reason why we wont have kids is because I really appreciate our freedom and we see what people with children go through and we just dont think its worth it.Life is to short.

rns I meant to quote your post not mine! * slaps forehead* lol...

I started this post and its intersting to see people opinions. I do sometimes have the desireto be a parent but I have never felt teh desire to have a child of my own or create one with my husband. Im alomst 99% sure that if I did have a child I would adopt because its seems tbeter to take in a child that is already here. Also it seems to tme that because my husband nad I would raise it and care for it it would be our child every bit as much as if I had given birth to it. It always bothers me when I read articles about people with adopted and biological children, like Angelina Jolie, and they feel compelled to mention that one child is her natural child as if htat somehow makes the adopted children inferior or less her children.

Angelina did make some comment about preferring her adopted children over her biological one, because they had personalities when she got them, and the baby was more of a "blob." I thought that was pretty funny.

I don't have an enormous urge to be a parent, but if I were to go that route, to be honest, I do feel more compelled to have my own rather than adopt. I feel guilty about that though, and realize it's not a very noble attitude. I really admire that about those of you who do think about adoption. Part of my reasons have to do with wanting to experience the whole birth/pregnancy thing (though that also scares the heck out of me).

I feel like there also a lot of risks with adoption. You never really know how healthy the mother was during pregnancy, she may change her mind and want it at the last minute after you have your hopes up, if you get an older child, it may have a lot of issues, etc.

Plus, there's the bingo argument about even if you don't love being around children, if it's your own you will. Even though I realize that wouldn't necessarily be true, if it were, how would that work for adoption? Since I don't have this huge urge driving my whole life, I worry I'd be even less likely to bond with an adopted child.

I wish I had the desire to adopt more, because I know that it is a much better way to go for the good of the world and the children who are already here. I have friends who adopted a baby girl from China, and every time I saw them for the first few years, it made me feel like crying. I was so happy the little girl got rescued from an orphanage, and touched that my friends did that.

I, too, just turned 29 and I grow more confident in my CF choice everyday. I guess at this point, it is now "beyond the infinite" b/c I have to be at the max of confidence in my choice. I also am too old now to waste time putting up with other people's insecurities/issues about me not having children. In the end, it is absolutely no one's damn business if I do or don't have children. I can also add that we may have to do more advocating for our "alternative lifestyle" like other groups have. I have been able to see that this is not just a reproductive choice but a lifestyle choice as well. I think if we seriously talked about our decision to remain CF in those terms that may help people to see that the hardcore CF are not just joking and are unlikely to change our minds.
Any ideas for a protest chant? One that empowers but doesn't offend....hmm....

How about "Think before you breed!" LOL! It can also apply to irresponsible breeding of animals, another cause near and dear to many of us.

Or...(saw this on a Cafe Press shirt)

"Neuter your pets...and weird friends and relatives!"

Cindy