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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 297
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 297 |
The other nice thing about car trips is that it makes it easier to say difficult or scary things to each other if you need to... it's another unexplainable thing about being in a car with someone. Easier to bare your soul.
The pp's have made some excellent suggestions, but here's another one for counseling or therapy. If you're upfront that you don't want to split up, and were a little worried about going into counseling b/c you were worried about getting that suggestion, any counselor worth his/her salt should be sensitive to that.
"I may not agree with what's on your bumper sticker, but I will fight to the end for your right to stick it." --Unknown
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 296
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 296 |
I'd like to add that I'm glad you posed this question.
You're right -- all resources on dealing with marital issues are directed towards couples with children. Sometimes we need a little help as well, but it's nowhere to be found.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 188
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 188 |
I agree 100% with the comment about TV. Neither my girlfriend nor I own a TV. I like to read articles or small sections of books to my girlfriend. Last summer, I read Neal Simon's play "The Odd Couple" to her over the course of a couple weekends. We laughed our tails off. Elise's comment about time together and part is right on target as well. Mike holles...I know from lurking around in the past that you and your hubby have struggled through years of infertility. My hubby and I have struggled through it as well. And I know from that experience the pain of it will eat away at your insides. It also can break down communication between you and your spouse. I don't know if that has happened in your case, but it in my case it did.
We got lucky though. A nurse at an infertility clinic gave us a name and number of a married couple who were couselors and who also personally went through infertility. They also didn't advertise. The only way to get their number was through referal. We have been seeing them for over a year and they have helped us tremendously. Our problems were mostly communication. I think a lot of problem in marriages are communication problems. And just a side note..one thing I have learned, watching TV is not spending quality time together. It doesn't strengthen the relationship. Proper communication....Loving communication is verrrry important. I would suggest seeing a couselor. You need to find the right counselor. That may be the tricky part. You may try to get a referal somehow from someone you trust.
SCREW OPEC AND RIDE A BIKE!
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 493 Likes: 3
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 493 Likes: 3 |
[quote=bonsai
I love vacations together...but not flying (flying, anymore, is SUCH a pain in the butt --- and so stressful, lately, that you need a vacation after you're done with your vacation!). Take a road trip together, maybe to see old friends who've moved a few states away. Stay in luxurious B&Bs and totally pamper yourselves...or plan *nothing*, pull off the road and stay at the Super 8 in some little town (wherever you happen to be when you get tired of driving), and have NO DEADLINES. Turn off your cell phones; leave your laptop at home. Get off the interstates and take the scenic routes. I've heard this called "shunpiking", and I have a massive reputation for it among my friends; I'm proud of it. Just watching the scenery go by together can be so relaxing.
Keep plugging!
Elise
[/quote]
Elise, that was probably the best and most thoughtful post I have seen on this whole forum!!!
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 570
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 570 |
[quote=bonsai
I love vacations together...but not flying (flying, anymore, is SUCH a pain in the butt --- and so stressful, lately, that you need a vacation after you're done with your vacation!). Take a road trip together, maybe to see old friends who've moved a few states away. Stay in luxurious B&Bs and totally pamper yourselves...or plan *nothing*, pull off the road and stay at the Super 8 in some little town (wherever you happen to be when you get tired of driving), and have NO DEADLINES. Turn off your cell phones; leave your laptop at home. Get off the interstates and take the scenic routes. I've heard this called "shunpiking", and I have a massive reputation for it among my friends; I'm proud of it. Just watching the scenery go by together can be so relaxing.
Keep plugging!
Elise
Elise, that was probably the best and most thoughtful post I have seen on this whole forum!!! [/quote] Shucks, Gloria Jean!  Cheers Elise
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862 |
My parents (retired no grandkids, just granddogs) take lots of driving trips. They COULD fly, my mom is a retired flight attendant and they have flight privileges on a major airline. But if you think flying with a ticket is a pain these days, try flying standby, not knowing for sure if you'll even get on the airplane! LOL! Anyway, every few months they go from Texas to visit our relatives in Illinois and Ohio, and recently they're more likely to just hop in the car and drive rather than fly. My dad has always loved driving (we took lots of long car trips when I was a kid) and at 74, it suits him better than the unsureness of standby travel. They'll have been married 40 years this April, maybe being able to be in a car together for hours on end has contributed to the longevity of their marriage? But don't get me wrong, they do use their flight privileges sometimes too. Last year they took a cruise from Florida to England, and they couldn't drive back from England! LOL! Poor things had to sit in first class all the way home! :-) Cindy [quote=bonsai
I love vacations together...but not flying (flying, anymore, is SUCH a pain in the butt --- and so stressful, lately, that you need a vacation after you're done with your vacation!). Take a road trip together, maybe to see old friends who've moved a few states away. Stay in luxurious B&Bs and totally pamper yourselves...or plan *nothing*, pull off the road and stay at the Super 8 in some little town (wherever you happen to be when you get tired of driving), and have NO DEADLINES. Turn off your cell phones; leave your laptop at home. Get off the interstates and take the scenic routes. I've heard this called "shunpiking", and I have a massive reputation for it among my friends; I'm proud of it. Just watching the scenery go by together can be so relaxing.
Keep plugging!
Elise
Elise, that was probably the best and most thoughtful post I have seen on this whole forum!!![/quote]
Last edited by Cookiecody; 03/26/07 09:31 PM.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 235
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 235 |
My hubby and I try to cherish each other every day - you never know how many you will have together, regardless of how old you are.
As Bill & Ted said "be excellent to each other".
I would also recommend reading "Chicken Soup for the Couples Soul". There are a lot of great love stories in there, examples of wonderful long term relationships. My husband and I read it out loud to each other.
We also like watching romantic movies together. It is wonderful to share them together. Have you seen "The Notebook"?
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 296
Shark
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OP
Shark
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 296 |
thanks for all the advice. turns out, there is another woman involved. and he also says he wants bio kids. i can't give him that. i'm barren.
we're meeting with a real estate agent tomorrow to get the house up for sale. then i don't know what we'll do. i am out of the house thursdays through sundays. i just can't bear this. it seems so unfair. but God must have some sort of plan. i wish i knew what it was. it was hard enough for me to pray that His will be done regarding infertility. but it wasn't as hard as this. with infertility, i had nothing to lose, but everything to gain. with giving this all to God, i have everything to lose. and that terrifies me.
anyway, thanks for your support and suggestions. i think it's just over now. and that's really hard for me to accept. i'm having a hot flash just typing this out.
i don't understand. i don't know if i ever will. i don't know if i even want to now.
*sigh*
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275 |
I am so sorry, Holly.
I was debating whether to say this. I think it is absolutely horrible for a man (or a woman) to leave their spouse to have biological children. I want to use even harsher language, it makes me so angry.
I wish I could give you a hug.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 297
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 297 |
Oh, Holly, I am *so* sorry.  I agree with Chaco about feeling that it's terrible to leave your spouse just to have biological kids... especially since you tried. It's not like someone really was CF and wasn't upfront about it... then (maybe) I could understand. Please, please, try not to be down on yourself! Sending you another virtual hug. 
"I may not agree with what's on your bumper sticker, but I will fight to the end for your right to stick it." --Unknown
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