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Snooks...UGH! I hate those little parties too. I lived alone for a long time before I got married (at 26, now 34) and I always found it interesting how women always asked me if I got scared being alone, especially at night. They always told me that they would be soooo scared to live alone. I also did a lot of things alone, like going to the movies. I figured that if there was a movie out that I really wanted to see, I would just go see it. I don't need someone with me. I am a big girl.

As a matter of fact it was a spontaneous run to the theatre that became me and my hubby's first date. He called me as I was running out the door to see Shakespeare in Love. When I told him what I was doing, he asked if I wanted company and I said,"sure if you want to meet me there". The rest is history..

Fiddle, one of my friends got married several years earlier than our other friends and I. While I was still single and living alone, she made the comment one time about being afraid to take a long relaxing bath while her husband was out of town. I thought - how inconsiderate! As if I have a CHOICE if I want to take a long bath!

I always loved living alone, even after I was victimized at gunpoint (it just made me p#ssed off and more determined to live independently). Granted, I have some new fears related to that incident, but I never let it stop me.

"UGH! I hate those little parties too" ... Me toooooo!!!!!!! I just don't go to any anymore.

"Shakespeare in Love" ... That was our first date move too!

When I was younger I was more nervous about living alone. Ended up liking it just fine. Would be ok if I had to again. There are basic security habits that can keep you pretty safe.

Nosy...You want to know something funny about women at those parties? If you close your eyes and listen, they sound like a bunch of hens in a hen house. Especially when they get older. That is when I know that I don't fit in. I just can't cackle on like that. I don't want to sound like old hen.

I'm 6'0" and almost 180 pounds; further, unlike some tall women, I don't slouch. I have a figure almost as curvy as Jessica Rabbitt's; my ex-husband described me as almost a "charicature of femininity". My ex-husband was only 5'9" (I thought it wouldn't bother me --- it didn't bother him --- but it turns out I was wrong. As I've mentioned before, though, that was the least of it, as he was an unrepentant heavy daily drinker). My current husband is 6'5" and I when I met him, at age 37, for the first time I found a "good fit". 8^) In other words, I've never been able to hide very well.

Even given my size, I am apparently *still* invisible in some groups of women. Some are intimidated by my height; others who know me and know I'm not a mother (like my co-workers, 95% of whom are mothers) seem to choose not to see me at times, too. It's the most bizarre thing...they spend most of their time either vocally envying me, or tacitly pitying me (they don't do it out loud, thank goodness; I don't know for sure it happens, but it certainly seems like it. If I ever heard any of it, they'd be in for an earful...). Largely, what they don't seem to do is *relate* to me, particularly.

At the same time, some of the moms at work are often quite self-congratulatory about how their motherhood makes them better teachers --- more perceptive, more patient, more compassionate. Sometimes they catch themself and say the PC stuff about how we're all needed in the village (they know I'm an aunt, for instance...most don't even know that I've been a Big Sister, and probably wouldn't make much of it if they did know, because while most of them call themselves liberals, the idea of actually putting time into helping people outside their genetic family is something that never comes into reality for them)...but I'm sure if I weren't there, they'd have kept riffing even harder on the mom thing. Is it a shared identity (which I guess I don't understand in any form!), or an ongoing pep-talk to keep them and their over-stressed selves going?

Meanwhile, ol' nullipar me? I'm one of the most popular (and, in my not so humble opinion, most effective) teachers on campus. As a music teacher, the results of my work are clearly there for all to see and hear (at concerts) --- far moreso than many of my colleagues'. I would put my work on par with any of my colleagues'; even if they might have gained some depth and experience from becoming parents, they're still absent more often, they're still distracted more often and more deeply (most of them are parents of teenagers and there's no end to the drama, sometimes --- teenagers can be fun around their teachers but are nightmares for their parents!), and they're still more tired.

Why can't we all acknowledge that the decision to become a parent is full of tradeoffs --- just like any other decision in this world, if not moreso? Why is parenthood seen to be immune to tradeoffs by its practitioners?

Elise

I�m 5�9, and hardly a waif, yet I intimidate no one. I'm too nice, and have had to really work on not being a doormat. That trait is yet another reason why I haven't had kids. I know they would work me!

But other than that, I'm pretty sporty. I surf, which has helped me develop a more competitive spirit and stand up for myself in testosterone-heavy environments. That also contributes to being acquainted with more men. I do like shopping though, but hate pedicures (I�m ticklish). I prefer haircuts. And massages!

Anyway, I get along pretty well with both men and women, but do tend to spend more time with men. Mainly it's because my husband is the social one, and keeps up with friends a lot better than me. I get along well with most women though, but maybe that's because I'm in California, and there are a lot of open-minded women here who also have outdoorsy interests.

Some pet peeves I have about women: on the whole I think they aren�t as funny as men. A lot of them just expect everyone else to entertain them, and never try and make other people laugh. I realize it�s not natural to everyone, but I gravitate to funny people, who usually seem to be men. Maybe that is part of the draw to having kids...more people to entertain you if you can't do it yourself. Also, if they�re not talking about their kids, or how I�m missing out on the meaning of life, they�re talking about dieting. I get really sick of that.

Also, it seems like there are a lot of women out there who are seriously screwed up mentally. Men too, but I seem to come in contact with more women that way.

In sum, I don't know where the heck I fit in to this discussion.

I was surprised to read that so many of you don�t get along with females, because you sound like women I wish I could find near me to be friends with!

Frieda...I certainly don't want to step on any toes when I say this but this is just been my personal experience with women. Through my life, from high school all the way up to the present, women have overall been back stabbers. They typically don't want to have much to do with you if they think you are:

1. prettier than they are
2. smarter than they are
3. more successful than they are
4. have more material things than they do
5. THINNER than they are
6. etc........

I have even noticed that some of them almost seem happy if you have bad news in your life. Not all women are like this, but I am talking about my experience with women overall.

FiddleDeeDee, I have seen this too!!! I can't stand it.

Bonsai -

I wish I'd had your attitude going through school. After I moved out here from my hometown, I was the brunt of a lot of mean jokes - I have big ears and was called "Dumbo" and I had orthodics and they called me "shoepad." It was terrible. If I'd had your attitude I think things would have been different.

I don't keep in touch with any of the people I was friends with in high school. Some of the mean people work out at the park district - they are salespeople. I, on the other hand, have a master's in communications, have won several documentary contests, am now a judge for one, and am a videographer for a high-profile not-for-profit organization. (And also, a receptionist for a park district.)

I kind of want to go to my 10-year reunion to see what's happened to everyone, but at the same time, I hated high school - why on earth would I want to see those people again? Besides, most of my friends were a year younger than me.

I also never had a party, never went to a party (though was invited to several "cool" parties - blech) and never went to any school-sponsored events, including football games and dances. I only went to my own gymnastics meets.

And you know what? I have no regrets.